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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC's with in-laws so DP and I can have a weekend away?

206 replies

snowchic83 · 04/09/2013 22:35

DD1 will be 21 months and DD2 will be 3 months. DP and I are thinking about a weekend away in the Lake District at the beginning of October. His parents have offered to look after the DC's which I am completely happy about as they are great GP's and the girls love them. We are thinking of leaving on the Friday and coming back on the Monday.

Would you leave your baby for the weekend at 3 months (she is FF)? I am also worried that DD1 will wonder where we are and get upset and I hate the thought of her missing us (she as stayed with the ILs a few times overnight and been absolutely fine but 24 hours is a bit different to 3 days).

I have the booking open on anther tab just waiting for me to click but I feel v guilty about it and can't quite bring myself to go ahead!

Am I being over anxious about this? Should I just go ahead and book?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Fakebook · 05/09/2013 09:46

Yes I'd do it. I wouldn't even think twice. Do it!

MovingForward0719 · 05/09/2013 10:06

I've never done it but that's my issue. If you are happy with it, you should definitely do it. Your kids will be fine and you will have a lovely time.

Tailtwister · 05/09/2013 10:11

It entirely depends on how you feel. I couldn't have left a 3 month old, mostly as I was bf and neither of mine would take a bottle.

If you feel fine about it, they obviously have a good relationship with their GP's etc then I don't see why not. I'd maybe think about 2 nights instead of 3 though and perhaps try one overnight with the baby just to make sure you both feel ok about it.

curlew · 05/09/2013 10:37

That's the point. It's how you feel. I don't know how I would have felt, because mine were still attached to my boobs like limits at 3 months. But it's this "No, it's too young" attitude that irritates me. Not "it would be too young for me" An arbitrary "too young" And that's why I keep asking "Why?" What makes it too young if the parents are happy with it?

Crinkle77 · 05/09/2013 11:03

How about just going for one night to start with?

sameoldIggi · 05/09/2013 11:09

It's not just how you feel, it's how your baby feels. And, as mumsnet demonstrates every day, babies are all different. Ds1 I think could have been fine, ds2 hated me away for an hour never mind a long weekend. I don't think we can have a blanket statement that all babies would be fine with this anymore than that all babies should not be left.

curlew · 05/09/2013 11:13

But the parents wouldn't be happy with it if the baby wasn't!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/09/2013 11:20

*"I wouldn't leave my kids for that long"

WHY NOT???????"*

Because I don't think a 1 year old and a 3 month old baby are old enough to be left with people who aren't their main carers for 3 days and nights.

I think they would find it confusing and unsettling and I don't think that's fair to put small children through just so I can have a weekend away.

In fact, I think a 3 month old baby shouldn't be away from their mother over night at all if it can be helped.

But that's just me based on my experiences with my babies. I don't really give a shit what other people do.

Is it really that surprising?

Most parents I know don't take off for long weekends away until their kids are 3+ (years).

My older 2 (5 & 3) went off for 5 days to their grandparents this summer, which I know some other people would not be happy with. But my kids were fine and I knew my parents would bring them back if they thought they were feeling unsettled.

Obviously it's a lot easier to tell if a 3 year old is frightened and unhappy than if you are dealing with a 3 month old baby or a not yet 2 year old.

curlew · 05/09/2013 11:20

There are people saying that even if the parents, baby and grandparents are happy, it's still "too young". Why?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/09/2013 11:22

"But the parents wouldn't be happy with it if the baby wasn't!"

:o

They won't be there to know whether the baby is happy. For 3 days and nights.

Maybe they'll sit down with the baby and small toddler beforehand and ask how they feel about being left for an unimaginably long time with people they normally only see for a few hours a week.

Flossiechops · 05/09/2013 11:31

For gods sake get a grip people. It's 3 nights!!! Op go and enjoy yourself. I had my two dc very close together and left them to go to Spain on a mini break with dh. Shock horror when we got back both dc were non the worse and my parents adored having their dgc. But them I'm an incredibly selfish sort of person Hmm

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2013 11:37

OMG - 5 years!
You need some alone time together.
Go for it!

usualsuspect · 05/09/2013 11:37

These 'people' are their grandparents.

Lweji · 05/09/2013 11:42

Personally, I wouldn't leave a 3 month old for more than a night unless I really had to, or it was a one off incredible opportunity, or your relationship was in real trouble and you needed to discuss anything at length.
You can still go away and have some time alone for a day.
Or wait a few months until he's older.

You can have regular time off, increasing the time you spend away.

But I don't think you are bad parents if you do go. :)
And I'm sure all will be fine.

DancingLady · 05/09/2013 11:45

Do it! Personally I think it's easier the younger they are!

Me and DH had a night away when DD was 6? months or so - I agree that if you're FF why not? Your baby doesn't care who's looking after it.

Think if we went away now for 2-3 nights (DD is 3) she'd be much more unsettled.

DancingLady · 05/09/2013 11:47

"Most parents I know don't take off for long weekends away until their kids are 3+ (years)."

Different for everyone - most people I know do.

HavantGuard · 05/09/2013 11:47

It's about how you feel not how anyone else feels. If you are happy to do that then book it! The only thing I'd suggest is try to make a booking that you can cancel with 48hrs notice so you won't lose your money if you feel differently closer to the time.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/09/2013 11:54

"Personally I think it's easier the younger they are! "

Of course it is, they can't tell you (or anybody) if they are frightened or feel abandoned.

There is no way to tell if you've upset them.

If you're OK with your kids being confused and unhappy for 3 days as long as you don't have to know about it, then it's obviously a great thing to do.

noddyholder · 05/09/2013 11:54

You know your kids and your in laws if you feel confident it won't swamp them then go!

DancingLady · 05/09/2013 12:07

Join Duh. If the children are being left with GPs, I'm sure they're in safe hands.

I would not be OK with my DD being upset and confused for 3 days - and I wouldn't leave her with anyone other than close family who I trust.

But of course you're right - children first, always, and parents must be martyrs.

MortifiedAdams · 05/09/2013 12:11

Some of these posters on here are no doubt the ones who will post saying they have never been separated from their children for longer than a shit.Not even leaving the LO with their own dad.

Babies need love attention food and warmth. Grandparents can deliver that too!!

sameoldIggi · 05/09/2013 12:11

Loving the idea that not having a four-day mini break makes you a martyr!

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 05/09/2013 12:12

I think some people don't like to admit that other people can meet heir baby's needs!

Lethologica · 05/09/2013 12:18

Have a great time Grin

Hope you are going to do something very lovely for your InLaws to say thank you Thanks

Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 12:19

Go for it.

Don't let people guilt trip you into feeling it's wrong. Your DD's know their grandparents and already spend time with them without you, the grandparents are thrilled, you are happy to do it and would benefit from the weekend.

Do it, and don't feel any guilt about it.

(What about leaving them a couple of times just for overnight stay between now and then, to get everybody used to it?)