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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC's with in-laws so DP and I can have a weekend away?

206 replies

snowchic83 · 04/09/2013 22:35

DD1 will be 21 months and DD2 will be 3 months. DP and I are thinking about a weekend away in the Lake District at the beginning of October. His parents have offered to look after the DC's which I am completely happy about as they are great GP's and the girls love them. We are thinking of leaving on the Friday and coming back on the Monday.

Would you leave your baby for the weekend at 3 months (she is FF)? I am also worried that DD1 will wonder where we are and get upset and I hate the thought of her missing us (she as stayed with the ILs a few times overnight and been absolutely fine but 24 hours is a bit different to 3 days).

I have the booking open on anther tab just waiting for me to click but I feel v guilty about it and can't quite bring myself to go ahead!

Am I being over anxious about this? Should I just go ahead and book?

WWYD?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 04/09/2013 23:19

It sounds like your in laws are perfectly happy to have your DDs,so yes I would go.

pictish · 04/09/2013 23:19

Yes, I would've, and guess what, I love my children every bit as much as those that wouldn't.
I would have nothing to feel guilty for.

Lilacroses · 04/09/2013 23:19

I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving my Dd at 3 months for that long. I'm not saying you would be wrong to do it but I just know that I would be worried and miserable the whole time. I left her for a couple of days when she was about 10 months and didn't enjoy my break at all.

sameoldIggi · 04/09/2013 23:21

Is this the first time you've gone away overnight from the baby? I think 3 nights is far too long in that case. You can get a lot of benefit from even one night away.
I would not have left either dc at that age, if I'd needed to (say for work, or a hospital stay) I'd only have been happy with it being dh who was with them, don't trust gps on either side to stick to modern sleep guidelines - would have him double-wrapped, lying on side and the heat turned up Hmm

curlew · 04/09/2013 23:21

"I wouldn't leave my kids for that long"

WHY NOT???????

MairzyDoats · 04/09/2013 23:21

Why not compromise and just have a night away? Leave them after luncg, book in somewhere swish, do all the nice things you like and pick them up after a bloody long lie-in lunch the next day? The Lakes will still be there next year.

cranverry · 04/09/2013 23:23

We went away for one night when DD1 was 9 months. Was great, we went for a meal, were back in the hotel by 10 and sleeping by 10:05pm. Then we had a lazy morning, went for brunch then home. That was enough for me and was able to recharge. We're going away for a weekend now DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 18 months. I'm so looking forward to it and I know my mum and dad are excited to have a full weekend with their granddaughters.
So really YANBU in my opinion but its a personal thing as to whether you'll fully enjoy it or whether you'll regret it.

meboo · 04/09/2013 23:25

I left my 4 month old for a weekend away, we needed the time together as a couple. But then i'd been giving my ds away to anyone that wanted him since he was born (I mean for cuddles). We then left him again at 18 months for a 2 week holiday to the states. It really is a case of knowing how confident you feel that all is ok.

Go for it.

attheendoftheday · 04/09/2013 23:34

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable leaving such a young baby for that long.

Mabelface · 04/09/2013 23:38

Do it. It'll do you good to recharge your batteries.

hardboiledpossum · 04/09/2013 23:42

I wouldn't leave my ds for that long but that is because i know he would really miss me and be unhappy. All children are different and if i thought he would be fine and i had family i trusted to babysit then i would be gone in a flash .

StitchingMoss · 04/09/2013 23:47

Curlew, everyone's different and entitled to feel differently on this - I wouldn't have done it and couldn't give you chapter and verse on why not, I just would not have been able to be away from my kids for that long at such a young age. It's a perfectly acceptable opinion, as are others who would.

No need for the shouting Smile.

NatashaBee · 04/09/2013 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SHarri13 · 04/09/2013 23:50

I would, yes if there was no feeding issues involved.

WandaDoff · 04/09/2013 23:51

I would.

As long as you feel ok with leaving your DC in the care of your PIL, which it sounds like you very much do.

I would grab the opportunity with both hands & be extremely grateful for it.

Go on, go on go on, go on. Grin

WandaDoff · 04/09/2013 23:57

At least we can text to do a quick check now.

When DS1 was a baby, I had to find a payphone every time on a night out.

Of course, he was my PFB. The other two I was just grateful to be outside the house without them. Wink

DowntonTrout · 04/09/2013 23:59

I had my 5 week old grandson for 2 nights. It was only for one night initially but I loved it so much that they let me keep him for two!

It is a lovely thing if you feel you can trust them. If you do- go for it!

TheSecondComing · 04/09/2013 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyChops · 05/09/2013 00:09

Do it, when my mum took my 7 week old DS2 for a night the bliss was only slightly marred by not getting up in the night to express so getting torpedo-boobs but as that won't be an issue you should have a fabulous time!

Leavenheath · 05/09/2013 02:16

Ah FFS go away for the whole weekend and have a lovely time.

There's not a snowball's chance that your bloke is on some forum somewhere angsting about this and getting replies from earnest and uptight dads about how it's 'far too long a time' to leave kids of this age with their loving grandparents.

Men don't judge eachother in this way. It's rare to find a 'martyr dad' because frankly, they aren't expected to be so angsty about having a bit of time away from children.

All this 'I would worry too much, I would miss them too much' is bollocks IMO.

The reason women don't do this more often or if they do, feel they have to layer on the sorrow and the feelings of guilt is because they know that other women will judge them. And that those judgey women wouldn't think twice about a father being away for the same or longer periods of time.

Think of this weekend as a great way to re-connect with your partner after your baby's birth, catch up on sleep and re-charge your batteries.

You'll both be better parents for it and your folks will have a lovely bonding experience with their grandchildren.

WandaDoff · 05/09/2013 02:18

If he is happy with a bottle, you'd be mad not to IMO.

butterfliesinmytummy · 05/09/2013 02:20

Go for it. I'd rather leave a 3 month old with a grandparent than an 18 month old. They won't fall off anything, swallow any toys, or even notice you've gone.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 05/09/2013 02:27

The only thing that would worry me would be if the GP's can really cope with the two kids for 3 days, if, say, the 3 mo isnt sleeping through, but you know them so can make that call.

waltzingmathilda · 05/09/2013 05:25

I'm with levenheath

Chldren dont give a toss at that age so long as they being looked after - its the mothers who are the needy ones.

Go for the weekend.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 05/09/2013 05:38

I have a 10 week old and couldn't leave him for that long in a few weekdays he only really settles for me, but I have horrible in laws too so if you think yours could manage.