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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DC's with in-laws so DP and I can have a weekend away?

206 replies

snowchic83 · 04/09/2013 22:35

DD1 will be 21 months and DD2 will be 3 months. DP and I are thinking about a weekend away in the Lake District at the beginning of October. His parents have offered to look after the DC's which I am completely happy about as they are great GP's and the girls love them. We are thinking of leaving on the Friday and coming back on the Monday.

Would you leave your baby for the weekend at 3 months (she is FF)? I am also worried that DD1 will wonder where we are and get upset and I hate the thought of her missing us (she as stayed with the ILs a few times overnight and been absolutely fine but 24 hours is a bit different to 3 days).

I have the booking open on anther tab just waiting for me to click but I feel v guilty about it and can't quite bring myself to go ahead!

Am I being over anxious about this? Should I just go ahead and book?

WWYD?

OP posts:

StuckOnARollercoaster · 05/09/2013 05:56

I would, but I would work up to 3 nights away so I would know that both the baby and the toddler as well as the grandparents are ok with the different environment. So first maybe just a Saturday night away and get a 2 day break. If that went well then maybe a Friday and Saturday night until eventually getting a really long weekend.
(if can't afford to go away each time, treat staying at home just yourselves as a holiday break!)

HazelnutinCaramel · 05/09/2013 06:18

I think the combination a three month old and three nights is too much and I wouldn't go. Plenty of time for weekends away when they're older.

I don't believe that a three month old doesn't know or care who's looking after it. It may not be able to form a coherent thought but it knows touch, smell and sound, and will instinctively know its not with mummy or daddy.

Inertia · 05/09/2013 06:41

I couldn't have done this as my dc were bf, and I couldn't bear to be away from them at that age. I think you might find 3 nights too long - the children will be fine with GP. Think I would just go overnight tp begin with.

Szeli · 05/09/2013 06:45

I did it. Balked at first, but when we got away. Amazing!

Weegiemum · 05/09/2013 06:47

I don't think I would have done it, but tbh I can't remember much of the first 3 months of any of my 3dcs lives, it was all a haze of dripping milk, no sleep and rampaging PND.

I did leave dd1 for a week when she was 5 months. I had a long-planned trip (booked before I even got pg) to go to the Oberammergau passion play which is only on every 10 years, with my Gran. I expressed for Scotland, left a whole freezer drawer of milk, and another of purees (this was back in the days of 3-4 month weaning), mil came to stay, dh took a few days off, and I went - I really nearly didn't!

I'm so glad I did. I had such a great week with Gran, I heard family stories no-one else knew, she talked a lot about my Granpa (who died when I was 16), the play was awesome. I'd always been very close to Gran, and his was something really special. That was in 2000 and I promised her I'd take her again in 2010. She died in 2008, and the next week I got the brochure for trips to Oberammergau.

I didn't realise I still missed her so much, 5 years on, in fact I'm crying.

Sorry for hijack - oops, got carried away! I think if I were you I'd go, there's no bf concerns, grandparents sound amazing and time for you both together would be really good.

Flossiechops · 05/09/2013 06:48

Hell yes!! I'm surprised at all the yabu if your inlaws are happy to have the dc then I cannot see any problem. Beyond children a couples relationship is very important and we have always taken the odd night away for ourselves. My dc are 8 & 10 and I can safely say they are non the worse for it!

Weegiemum · 05/09/2013 06:49

Sorry for epic self indulgent post!!

As you were .....

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 05/09/2013 06:52

I left DD with MIL for 1day and 1 night when she was 3 months old; I was very anxious about it, kept texting to check up on her etc. (and my lovely MIL never said a word about me being over-bearing).

DD was fine though, slept, ate, etc. no drama of any sort. I felt quite foolish afterwards for worrying so much.

The next time was easier, she stayed with MIL for 3 nights when she was 5 months old and I "only" texted for updates twice a day.

Since then she has had the occasional overnight stay with her and always has a great time there.

MIL is having her for a full week next week for the first time (DD is 30 months old now), and I am feeling quite relaxed about it.

I think the first time is the hardest, but the guilt lessens with time.

Just remind yourself that you are leaving them in safe hands! And a break will probably do you a world of good! :)

Dilidali · 05/09/2013 06:55

I would go, but fri evening to sunday afternoon. Basically, not 3 nights. My biggest worry would be that the GPs would be totally overwhelmed. My nights with a baby were ok-ish, but I BF and that ruled out going away, she wasn't interested in a bottle at all, ever.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 05/09/2013 06:58

How would your in-laws "spoil" a 3 month old? Surely not possible?

I wouldn't have done, but that may be more about me than about the kids. However am really surprised by people saying that the baby won't notice that you've gone! I'm sure mine knew me by then, and would have noticed if I wasn't there!

DumSpiroSpero · 05/09/2013 07:04

I'd probably go for two rather than three nights, and somewhere reasonably local (within say an hour's drive) but if you're happy that your elder DD will be OK and that the GP's won't struggle with DD2, then can't see why not tbh.

As for baby knowing she's not with mum or dad - that doesn't mean she'll automatically be distressed/uncomfortable. My own DD was more chilled out with her Grandpa than anyone!

PoppyFleur · 05/09/2013 07:04

Go, rest & enjoy yourself. Your IL's sound fantastic & your DDs will enjoy some lovely quality time with loving GPs. You come back all refreshed & the children have had great time with GPs - upside for everyone!

Mummysaysno · 05/09/2013 07:12

It takes a village to raise a child....GPs are family, and if you're lucky enough to have nice loving in-laws then why not?
Reading Michael McIntyre's book and he made me laugh 'I was going to take the kids to the museum today. Why bother? I might just send them to their rooms until they're old enough to remember some of this effort I'm putting in.'
Yes if course that's said in jest, but in so many cultures extended family spending time with their relatives is a perfectly normal event!
If you really are dreading it, and feel obliged to say yes so as not to offend GPs then of course don't.
Parenting is a marathon...you need to maintain a good relationship with your partner, and look after yourself. And if you go, just expect some of your friends to be twitching about how shocking it is.

curlew · 05/09/2013 07:15

"I don't believe that a three month old doesn't know or care who's looking after it. It may not be able to form a coherent thought but it knows touch, smell and sound, and will instinctively know its not with mummy or daddy"

But will know that it's with it's loving grandparents.

HarlotOTara · 05/09/2013 07:19

Do it, you will come back refreshed so be a happier parent

pictish · 05/09/2013 07:22

Totally agree with levenheath and waltzingmathilda.

SolomanDaisy · 05/09/2013 07:25

Only you can answer this one. As the other replies show, some people are comfortable leaving their children at that age, others aren't. There is no right or wrong answer.

Original poster

snowchic83 · 05/09/2013 07:45

Thanks for the replies everyone. It seems this is quite a divided subject and there is no right or wrong answer. My ILs look after my DDs every Friday during the day (and have had them overnight twice since DD2 was born) so I can do a bit of food shopping, housework etc. I think at the moment I'm finding looking after a newborn and a toddler hard work and inbetween the feeding, dirty nappies and constant whining from DD1 (terrible twos approaching I think!) a couple of days away seemed like a lovely idea.

I think I'm going to book to go away at the end of November when DD2 is 5 months which doesn't seem quite so tiny as 3 months and I think I'll feel less guilty then although I can't quite pin point why I feel so bad about going away now. I wouldn't have even contemplated it when DD1 was little but I feel much more relaxed with DD2 which is why I even considered it.

I am very lucky to have such good ILs who would have them any time I asked.

Thanks again for the replies. My first ever mumsnet post hasn't been as scary as I thought! :)

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 05/09/2013 07:48

Id do it.

MortifiedAdams · 05/09/2013 07:55

I started a thread on here about going on a hen weekend six weeks after having a baby, with DC2 staying with DH and has unanimous support.

Odd.

Foxred10 · 05/09/2013 07:58

Good for you, and I think Leavenheath summed it up perfectly!

I know with DC2 I was definitely more relaxed about leaving him (possibly because he was a FF baby and DS1 was BF, DS2 was a 'refuser'!) and would have felt fine (in fact, great ) at leaving him at 3 months.

What lovely IL's you have book a gorgeous weekend (if you're looking for somewhere fabulous in the Lake District I can highly recommend Gilpin Lodge, it's amazing!) and enjoy yourself

Foxred10 · 05/09/2013 08:07

Good for you, and I think Leavenheath summed it up perfectly!

What lovely IL's you have book a gorgeous weekend (if you're looking for somewhere fabulous in the Lake District I can highly recommend Gilpin Lodge, it's amazing!) and enjoy yourself

mrsfuzzy · 05/09/2013 08:08

if the in laws are happy with the arrangement go for it, the dc will be looked after and probably not worry about you not being there for awhile, enjoy your break and recharge your batteries. i did this with my kids from a young age they stayed with my mum and they became more independent as a result, everyone was happy, had they not been then i wouldn't have done it.

Original poster

snowchic83 · 05/09/2013 08:14

Foxred - I can't decide between Gilpin Lodge or Hawksmoor Guest House!

DP and I went to the Lakes with DD1 for a week last year. We loved it and both said we'd like to go back sometime. We haven't been away together on our own since 2008 and I think it would do our relationship the world of good. I am fully prepared however to accept the fact that some people will disapprove.

OP posts:

MrsApplepants · 05/09/2013 09:11

I would and I did when my DD was that age. My parents and PIL knew her routines and she loved being with them and they her. It's only a weekend. But you should do what feels right for you.

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