Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love my children too much to work full time..

402 replies

LostMarbles99 · 31/08/2013 20:31

AIBU to be royally pissed off at the person who said this to me today?

Am just back at work 2 weeks after birth of first baby who is now 7 months. 'Friend' was adamant that I must regret it and then proceeded to say that she loves her children too much to be working full time.

Yeah because I hate my child and can't wait to get away from him Hmm

I'm working full time as I'm the main earner and we need the money.

Why are people so insensitive?

What do you say?

OP posts:
Ifancyashandy · 31/08/2013 22:26

You encountered an absolute twat. Unfortunately they walk amongst us.

RhondaJean · 31/08/2013 22:26

What a complete cock of a woman.

Don't waste your time on her op. when little Jenny and jimmy grow up resenting her relentless gaze upon them, your revenge will be complete.

Mwahahahaha.

FoundAChopinLizt · 31/08/2013 22:30

That is the most asinine thing I've heard for a long time. In fact, there's nothing you could have said OP which would have penetrated her thick judgmental skull to change her warped mind.

NoComet · 31/08/2013 22:35

It's insensertive in that no one ever says things like that to a childs father. people forget that mothers can and do earn the main wage.

Personally I wouldn't of worked full time if it had meant DD1 going to the CM nearest school with DCs who ignored and bullied her.

Wonderstuff · 31/08/2013 22:44

Why is it women feel all this guilt about working and there is no expectation on men? My brothers ex sat telling me how she couldn't imagine working right after I went back. I was very tempted to tell her why I chose to have a mortgage rather than sit on my arse on benefits, but I was restrained (not judging anyone else on benefits, but she has never worked, moved out of home to a council house when her first was born, is on number four now and well, just isn't the life I'd choose). Reality is I wouldn't want that life, working is a good thing, we can afford a nice life, my children see both parents working and both parents doing housework. I teach too, and it's manic during term time but I get 3ish months off with my children miss nursery giving me time off without them

You know she's talking shit, rise above it and don't spend anymore time or energy on her.

Pickle131 · 31/08/2013 23:08

Why is she so insensitive you ask? It sounds like she genuinely cannot put herself in your position. For her, she is so besotted with her children that because she has the choice to stay home she can't imagine giving that up. I think it was insensitive but the many venomous comments on here calling her all sorts of unkind names just show a reversed snobbery that because she stays at home she is lazy / a bad example / uncaring. Why not just say 'Gosh that's hurtful, of course I love my children just as much as you do'. End of. Unless she's actually trying to make an unkind point she'll apologize for being thoughtless and maybe will think twice next time. Best to be kind.

roweeena · 31/08/2013 23:14

People like that really need to be told to f**k off.

I would say that I had trained bloody hard for my career and I would be doing both myself and my DS a massive disservice to not be going back to work.

Steer clear of this poisonous woman, judgemental ones like her will have a comment about every aspect of your parenting - be warned.

BlueJess · 31/08/2013 23:22

The thing is no matter what you do someone will judge.

A 'friend' of mine went back to work part time when her DC was 12 months old. I was a SAHM until my DC started school.

When I told her that I was returning to work full time (after 5 years out) she said "well of course I prioritise motherhood over my career".

My jaw just dropped, I was so shocked. This from the woman who sat weeping on my sofa during her child's settling in sessions.

Some people will always judge if you don't exactly emulate them and validate all their parenting decisions.

nonameslefttouse · 31/08/2013 23:29

I had something similar said to me, I just told her dh and I decided to have children therefore dh and I support the children, she just went off muttering! This was a couple of years ago, now all I get from her is its alright for some two weeks abroad!

Now I just smile and mutter under my breath!

manicinsomniac · 31/08/2013 23:37

haha, I would have gone with MsVestibules reposnse.

I went back to work when my youngest was only a few weeks old and was back in lectures (was still a student at the time) by the time my oldest was 2 weeks old. As it happens I adore my job and would have done so whatever but I'm a single mum, so what other option is there?! If there's only one parent in a household full time work is the only way of surviving.

Stupid woman.

Noggie · 01/09/2013 00:14

People say all kinds of things to 'justify' their decisions- one mum said to me that she couldn't go back to work as she didn't have parents nearby to do the childcare. I didn't say anything but felt a bit bemused- I spend a lot of my salary on childcare because we don't have any family nearby! Just have to smile and carry on Wink

rockybalboa · 01/09/2013 00:24

What a knob. I love my children too much to spend every day with them, I'd kill them!!! Plus we need the money (which is the harsh reality of the situation to be honest)

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/09/2013 00:27

Yanbu. It's a stupid, insensitive and smug thing to say.

FreudiansSlipper · 01/09/2013 00:32

yanbu

i think she is probably bored and trying to justify her decision to be a sahm

Amy106 · 01/09/2013 01:25

Nasty, mean spirited thug of a woman. Don't take a blind bit of notice of her.

bragmatic · 01/09/2013 01:48

A friend of mine responded to "I can't imagine how you could leave your children all day" with "I can't imagine having so little imagination."

bragmatic · 01/09/2013 01:49

You could muse that it's sad that her husband doesn't love her children very much. He works, no?

Chottie · 01/09/2013 02:09

OP please ignore this person, I do not understand why they even had to make any comment on your family and your decisions, it is frankly none of their business

williaminajetfighter · 01/09/2013 03:16

Lost marbles - beware the cult of the Cath Kidston oilcloth... From which much smugness emanates!

MrsKoala · 01/09/2013 04:59

They sound like a dick OP with something to justify. i would defo have said something like 'i good do you? i fucking hate mine. I only had them so i could guilt them into looking after me when i'm old'.

However, i also hate comments like:

I love my children so much I want to set them a good example by working hard to provide for my family

Which is what i seem to get all the time. As a SAHM i don't think i should be made to feel bad for 'not setting my dc a good example' which is totally untrue btw. It's the flip side of the same judgemental coin imo. I have also been called lazy repeatedly for not going back to work yet (DS is 11mo).

Mimishimi · 01/09/2013 05:26

It's an awful, smug thing to say.

themaltesefalcon · 01/09/2013 07:28

Wow, I work full-time AND study full-time. Does that mean I actively loathe my child? Do I win?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 01/09/2013 07:35

I have been a SAHM and a full-time working parent, so feel qualified to say that this woman is a class-A twat. Pay her no heed OP.

Easier said than done, I know, I am still pissed off that dh's aunt told me that her DD was "too clever to be a SAHM" when I was a SAHM. This was about six years ago, and I should probably think about moving on now :D

PrincessScrumpy · 01/09/2013 07:43

Really insensitive thing to say but at the same time I don't understand how people do it - I planned dd1 so I could take full 12 months mat leave and as it came to the end I couldn't leave dd everyday for the whole day. It threw me as it's what I'd planned and financially what we thought we needed. I ended up going back 4 days a week. Was made redundant but turned down a job I was offered within the company (I was a senior manager) to take a job in a school. Crap pay but means I see dc (now have dtds too). I really didn't want to be a weekend mum and have someone else raise my dc. I know that sounds harsh and is never say it in rl.

Dackyduddles · 01/09/2013 07:49

I'd definitely have said 'did you mean to be so rude?!' Or odfod.

Mainly so the idiot would know I'd be putting it on mn later. She's a fool. Avoid her.