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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love my children too much to work full time..

402 replies

LostMarbles99 · 31/08/2013 20:31

AIBU to be royally pissed off at the person who said this to me today?

Am just back at work 2 weeks after birth of first baby who is now 7 months. 'Friend' was adamant that I must regret it and then proceeded to say that she loves her children too much to be working full time.

Yeah because I hate my child and can't wait to get away from him Hmm

I'm working full time as I'm the main earner and we need the money.

Why are people so insensitive?

What do you say?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 21:02

OMFG

What an absolute bitch.

DustBunnyFarmer · 31/08/2013 21:03

We were staying with a couple we've known since university a couple of years ago when she (sahm) came out with this gem: "i don't know why people bother to have children if they're going to carry on working full time!" I replied "if you're really not sure perhaps you should ask Bob (her husband)". The comment was definitely aimed at me, but it cuts both way in my view. Men are rarely on the receiving end of comments like this. Made me reappraise the friendship and I think its probably on its last legs.

AnnaRack · 31/08/2013 21:03

"Yeah, well I love my children too much to waste my precious time on people I didn't ask for their opinion. Goodbye."

Portofino · 31/08/2013 21:04

What a load of old shit some people spout. I have lots of friends - working, SAHP, part time etc and none of us have ever felt the need to judge each other like this. I understand full well that most days my friend with 3 under 5 at home has a MUCH more stressful day than mine. She loves her kids too, very much, but is driven to the point of almost madness. Life is not a competition. You do what works for you.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 21:04

Dust, that was a fantastic reply.

Lweji · 31/08/2013 21:04

There's a difference between love and dependency.

I went back to ft work when DS was 4 months old, because otherwise we'd be in financial difficulties.

Still, it was something I enjoyed.
And I never felt guilty at all about it.

LazyMonkeyButler · 31/08/2013 21:05

I was going to comment but previous posters have just about covered everything.... It was a truly cuntworthy thing to say.

I worked over 40 hours last week - like everyone else, I love my kids enough to want to be able to pay the rent on our house!

AnyaKnowIt · 31/08/2013 21:08

What utter shit

from a sahm

letthemdrinkrose · 31/08/2013 21:08

How about saying you love your dc too much to let them go hungry and end up on the streets? What a horrible thing to say. I went back to work recently and am still struggling with leaving dd for long hours. But even if I did have the choice financially I would still want to work, I think it will be best for the family in the long run. I hope she didn't make you think you weren't doing the right thing, YANBU to be pissed off. She was being an insensitive idiot.

NonnoMum · 31/08/2013 21:08

I love my baby too much to be totally financially dependent on my DH, because you do realise that one in two marriages end in divorce, don't you dear friend? By the way, how is your DH?

Shlurpbop · 31/08/2013 21:10

YANBU
I went back after 10 weeks, admittedly only part time. Not, as many people seemed to think and tell me, because I was a crap, child hating mum, but because my mortgage had to be paid!
If i had my time again I would have longer off but life isn't perfect and you have to make the best of it.
I find "ooh, is that an offer to pay my mortgage for me?! How kind!" usually shuts them up :)

letthemdrinkrose · 31/08/2013 21:12

Great reply to that dust, I'd also like to respond to that with a flippant, oh I just wanted to give up a year or so of my life to putting on huge amounts of weight, getting crap loads of stretch marks, having to have a massive amount of stitches on my lady parts and never really being able to sneeze without being worried about peeing again. Didn't really care about the baby at the end obviously.

MrsDeVere · 31/08/2013 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LostMarbles99 · 31/08/2013 21:14

Thanks for these comments. I do feel sad that I've had to leave my baby but at the same time, I like my job and I always knew I'd have to go back some time.

I'm a teacher and the work load is intense and requires me to work evenings.

It's going to take me a while to get used to being a working mum and not be so sensitive.

OP posts:
Peachyjustpeachy · 31/08/2013 21:18

The thing is, she may not have been thinking of you at all, just stating her feelings about the bond with her child.

I worked full time when my dd was tiny (back to work at 7 months) after having a baby through ivf and after 13 years of trying.

I had the whole gamut of emotion and every day when I dropped her off I would cry because I loved her so much and didn't want to leaver her. I wished that I didn't have to work...bills to pay.

I might have uttered similar comments too....Not commenting on anyone else's choices but being wrapped up in my own lack of choices.

Please don't take it to heart. Either she meant to upset you and is a complete cunt or else she is merely selfcentred.

impatienttobemummy · 31/08/2013 21:18

I've cried over comments like this in the beginning, my friend is a SAHM and she gets nasty comments too so you can't win! Her last DC is starting school and if she had a £1 for evey person who asked her why she isn't going back to work she could give it to me and I wouldn't have to work!

She is no friend of yours and a complete bitch

Portofino · 31/08/2013 21:26

Yes, you have to get thicker skin I think. I remember before we moved to Belgium, Dh was already there and it was the day of my leaving do at work. Dd (then 2) woke up with a rash. I was all on my own and panicking and pressing speed dial for the doctors. I got an early appointment, was reassured that dd had had a mild allergic reaction, probably to strawberries (not meningitus!) and was fine. I took her to crèche and went to my leaving do. Which was totally spoilt by 2 women making comments out loud about how I could possibly leave my "really sick" child to go to work, and how they never would have done such a thing. It pissed me off no end. Dd was fine by the way, she just had some spots.

HumphreyCobbler · 31/08/2013 21:27

I don't think you should become less sensitive, I think people should not make such twattish comments.

AcrylicPlexiglass · 31/08/2013 21:28

Angry at your 'friend' and Mrs Devere's 'someone' too. They are both extraordinary twats.

SPBisResisting · 31/08/2013 21:29

Ha ha well I love my children slighlty less then. I go to work. I don't really have to. But I enjoy it and find it fulfiling its something I choose to dedicate time to, just like my children.

filee777 · 31/08/2013 21:33

I love my children too much to have them grow up watching me stressed about money. I work because it is best for us and our family time together is so much better and more fulfilled with me adding to the money pot.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 21:33

MrsDV - it's so bloody frustrating isn't it! It takes so long to get things sorted out, only to be told they can't help! I hope he gets the treatment alongside this other thingy - but if he doesn't PLEASE let us know - you KNOW we would all want to help. I'm - what's the term .... err... broke Grin but am a very willing fundraiser for you. I wish you had said something before now! x

DIddled · 31/08/2013 21:36

'Kiss my arse you smug spiteful bitch'- would be wasting six words on her.

I went back when my son was 5.5 months old - I must have hated his guts!!!

Ignore and detach- hope you are ok.

noisytoys · 31/08/2013 21:38

Tell her I work full time and send my DCs to my DMs for 3/4 of the school holidays (where they love it, have all the care and attention, miles of Cornish beaches, woods, lakes, parks, whereas all I could offer them is extended holiday clubs) HmmGrin

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 31/08/2013 21:40

Ease pass a message on from me, are you ready....

"fuck the fuck off and when you get there fuck off some more"

Thanks