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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love my children too much to work full time..

402 replies

LostMarbles99 · 31/08/2013 20:31

AIBU to be royally pissed off at the person who said this to me today?

Am just back at work 2 weeks after birth of first baby who is now 7 months. 'Friend' was adamant that I must regret it and then proceeded to say that she loves her children too much to be working full time.

Yeah because I hate my child and can't wait to get away from him Hmm

I'm working full time as I'm the main earner and we need the money.

Why are people so insensitive?

What do you say?

OP posts:
janey68 · 01/09/2013 14:08

Well your last few posts suggest that you're perhaps not as good as thinking creatively and outside the box as you'd like to believe you are He11y, seeing as you questioned your friend about her decisions and told her you would worry about your own child too much to have that lifestyle.

So for all your talk about being open to other ways of doing things, perhaps you should practise what you preach

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:11

I'm open to alternatives but not living in a van.

Although I am more understanding about it since I did my research and I now know there wouldn't be a health risk.

That was my initial response.

Do you never change your opinion once you've researched something? I do.

It's not something I'd ever considered but now I see how it can work for some.

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:13

If you truly wanted to be with your child, then you could have given up your well paid career and worked part time in a less lucrative job, Portofino.

If it meant more than your job then you'd have done it - that's the point I'm making.

You say there is no choice but that is a choice.

You weren't handcuffed and marched to work by gunpoint every day.

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:14

I am making no judgement when I say that Portofino!

I am just saying you did have choices.

They may have been difficult ones but you did have them.

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:16

If we all just dump anyone who intentionally, or unintentionally, upsets us, then we aren't really ever going to appreciate difference, are we?

janey68 · 01/09/2013 14:18

Eh? Why do you keep bringing up totally irrelevant statements? Of course research and finding out about things brings greater understanding, which could then lead to one shifting ones perspective on an issue

But that's got fuck all to do with someone telling a friend that they love their children too much to do what that friend is doing.

If you are thick enough to really think working hours is any sort of measure of love, then you should at least learn to keep your trap shut so that other people don't have to hear your ignorant thoughts

If you don't really believe its a measure of love, but see it as an opportunity to make some passive aggressive snipe, then you should at least learn that it makes you look pretty insecure about your own life

You are the person on this thread who has gone further than anyone else in trying to defend or explain the OPs friends comment, He11y.

You now seem to be trying to distance yourself from that stance by trying to ignore the actual facts of the OP

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 01/09/2013 14:22

What an insensitive bitch!! I did exactly what you Susan's went back at 7 months as necessity, will do the same this time and the amount if frowny faces I get from virtual strangers when I am asked how long I'm taking is beyond belief. We don't live in an ivory tower, are realistic about affordability and are not holding out for a parental inheritance or help so we have to get of our arses and do it ourselves, take no notice, silly cow!!

Portofino · 01/09/2013 14:23

You are just on the wind up surely he11y? Hmm

50shadesofmeh · 01/09/2013 14:29

Yep if you really cared about your kids you would give up a good career for a shit low paid job. hhmmm not very feminist at all. Where would the world be if all these high flying intelligent women decided they just love their kids so much.

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:38

Janey - you said I wasn't open to alternatives because I questioned my friend about potential health issues.

I was responding to that post.

I'm not sure why you've related it to the woman in the op...

Blueberryveryberry · 01/09/2013 14:41

Ignore her.

SPBisResisting · 01/09/2013 14:41

I feel slightly envious of Helly's friend. Proper the good life existence that I would love to have. Until I remember that I cry when a bulb blows :o

janey68 · 01/09/2013 14:42

Er... Because the entire thread is in response to the OP, which states that her friend said she 'loves her children too much' to do what the OP is doing, and also was 'adamant' that the OP would regret what she was doing

You have persisted in trying to defend what the OPs friend said, 'explaining' it away as some 'knee jerk ' response, or equivalent to a genuine desire to understand the OPs actions.

janey68 · 01/09/2013 14:42

That was in response to He11y

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:43

Feminism leads us to believe we can have it all and of course we do have many more options than our ancestors.

However, when we have children, it suddenly becomes apparent that there is a pay off.

But, we do have that choice and it is not letting the side down to decide we'd rather be with out children.

Feminism gave us the choice and it matters not how we exercise it.

SPBisResisting · 01/09/2013 14:44

and I'm not all that keen on public toilets :o

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:44

My response was to a direct post you made about me janey.

You made a post aimed at me personally but now say my reply should address the entire thread.

It doesn't really work that way, sorry.

janey68 · 01/09/2013 14:46

No need to apologise he11y!

I am just staggered that anyone can try to defend such a nasty comment, explaining it away as a 'knee jerk reaction' or an attempt to understand the OP.

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:46

SPBisResisting - another friend said it sounds fab... but how do you get WiFi? Grin

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:47

Do we know for sure it was out and out nasty though?

Seriously, how do you know that?

janey68 · 01/09/2013 14:48

I responded to that question way upthread

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:49

I initially responded to the way people were being slated for their choices anyway.

I've not defended what was said as it was a bit off, but I have said it may not be worthy of the response we've seen on here.

Clary · 01/09/2013 14:49

OP you have my sympathy.

Someone said to me yesterday "You work full time? (she works pt) How do you manage that then? [with three children]"

I was a bit Shock tbh but failed to come up with any pithy reply. y DC are 14, 12 and 10 btw so I'm not really sure what is so hard to "manage" but anyway...

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:50

I've not judged any of you, no matter what you do.

He11y · 01/09/2013 14:51

And I've explained why I feel it may not be that way janey.

I said we will have to agree to disagree but you've bright it back up again.

We clearly won't agree on that point but that's fine isn't it?

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