to want my DCs to be the super popular, "alpha" children at school

[dirtyface]

partly inspired by the thread about do you buy your kids certain stuff so they can fit in (but not a thread about a thread i promise)

...it just got me thinking. i REALLY want my dcs to not just "fit in" (although i will be happy with that of course) but to be actively, super popular

they are only 4 (dd) and 7 (ds) at the moment so in year 1 and year 4 so just starting out really

but i think it starts young. tbh i can already see in DS's class who the in crowd are :o and luckily ds is friends with some of them but seems a bit on the periphery iyswim. popularity at junior school breeds confidence and a "popular reputation" and a casual expectation that people will like them which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy i think teachers tend to prefer the popular ones as well IME

it then IMO tends leads to success as an adult even if they dont do particularly well at school. for example, DH was very popular at school and although he left before even taking his GCSE's he has done very well at work, and always tends to be very popular where he has worked and ends up getting promoted a lot

so, those of you who have very popular DCs, whats their secret? and am a bit asking this, but is it / has it been anything you do as a mum / parent to help them along a bit?

I haven't read the thread but I'll comment anyway.

When I was at school, if you were popular you were most likely a dickhead who picked on everyone else to make yourself feel big - everyone was intimidated by you, became your friend in order not to be bullied, and became arseholes themselves, thus creating the 'popular' children's clique.

If that's what it still means to be popular these days I'd rather he were an introvert with his own set of likeminded friends like I was, aware of all this shit and despising of it.

It's unlikely to have changed much, I only left school 7 years ago.

Oh I was 'gangstered' - I think it did affect me to be honest, I couldn't cope with not knowing why all these people were suddenly whispering about me and flouncing theatrically in class. I bore it with quite a bit of grace (for a 14 yr old) and a a few weeks later it was like it had never happened, but actually at the time it was awful, I sat at home in winter with it all cold and snowy outside and no friends to go out with (small town, so...). My best friend had left, and home was kind of unsupportive so I couldn't talk to anyone. Bleak. I didn't know it was 'a thing,' I thought it was just me!

That's one of the potential problems with the 'popular' / 'in' set though isn't it? Sometimes you don't get the impression (looking from the outside) that the children who are 'in' actually like each other. After all no-one would ever be quite so horrible to a real friend would they?

I always longed to be one of the popular girls in school. I lingered somewhere in the mid-range, but was never, ever part of the highest social group of about 10 girls.

Out of them, 5 were pregnant within a year of leaving school, a couple are now drug addicts (party lifestyle got them) and the rest are just general slags losers.

Being popular in school is not an automatic ticket to anything IMO.

I really just hope mine are all happy, the thought of senior school scares the shit out of me

No, I don't want DD to be a smug, superior, petty bully, which is what most "alpha children" are when their parents aren't looking.

I also agree about peaking too soon. That doesn't just happen in the social sense, either. Early academic success quite often doesn't translate into a stellar career in adulthood, for various reasons.

I don't think it's fair to say 'most' alpha kids are like that, that's not my experience some kids don't seek out popularity it just happens its not something you can/should force

"Most" is fair, I think. "All" is unfair.

I am with you Kirjava. The popular ones at school were never very nice. They were always attention seeking, show offy and a bit of a bully.

Most being the majority that's still a huge generalisation

I agree Crinkle 77

My sister is now and was very popular at school. She's attractive but in an average way. She wasn't one of the 'pretty girls', she was a tomboy in both primary and high school. One of the main things she is good at being able to make and keep friends, she puts a lot of effort into this. 'Networking' you might call it, started at young age! She also has a wicked sense of humour and loves clowning around.

Shes not majorly academic naturally, she got average gcses and a levels and went to an average uni. However she applied the same amount of effort she puts into her friendships into her degree and got a first. She now has a very interesting career, not massively paid, but in the sort of job most people would give their hind tooth for (if you studied in her field). So don't write off the popular kids yet!