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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to send this message to my knobhead of a boss about a day's sick leave yesterday?

171 replies

Bluestocking · 22/08/2013 15:07

Background; I get terrible menstrual migraines. These are much less frequent now that I'm perimenopausal, but I do still get the occasional one. i got one yesterday and knobhead boss sent me an email with "are you feeling better?" in subject line and no text.
Can I send this or is it too fighty?

Dear (knobhead boss)
Yes, thanks, I am feeling much better today.

I was sorry to learn that you said yesterday to (knobhead boss?s PA) that I?d phoned in sick ?again?, loudly enough for other colleagues to overhear. I looked back at my sickness record for this calendar year (which I cut and pasted into my message ? 5 days since January) and while it?s not perfect, I don?t think it?s anything out of the ordinary. As I?m sure you are aware, I am rarely actually ill, but am occasionally incapacitated by migraines. I realise that it?s inconvenient for you when this happens, but believe me, it?s far worse than inconvenient for me. I would much, much rather spend the day at work than spend it prone in a darkened room with an excruciating headache, nausea and dizziness. As I?ve suffered from monthly migraines for most of my adult life, I?ve probably wasted a full year of my life in this way; this is a matter of considerable regret to me.

I have, as you know, had a consultation with Occupational Health (February 2013) about sick leave associated with migraines. If you think I should go back for another discussion, I would be more than happy to do so.

Regards
Bluestocking

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 22/08/2013 15:10

So he sent a message asking if you were ok and your response seems to have to been to start a shitstorm for yourself? good luck! You KNOW he asked after you - the rest appears to be hearsay

bumpybecky · 22/08/2013 15:18

I think you are BU. 5 sicks days in 8 months is quite a bit really. Sorry

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/08/2013 15:19

Leave it and just reply that you're felling better.

To send that planned reply back could be risky, don't you think?

pollyblue · 22/08/2013 15:20

Do you know, or can safely assume, that his 'are you feeling better?' was meant in a sarcastic or unkind way?

On the face of it your response is unreasonable, and if there are issues between you and you respond in such a way it will surely just give him more ammunition? To someone else it could look as if you were being unnecessarily defensive.

bombussy · 22/08/2013 15:20

5 days since January is a lot

AgentProvocateur · 22/08/2013 15:21

I also think five days in eight months is quite a lot, and I certainly wouldn't be drawing attention to it in an email. Just let it go.

Original poster
Bluestocking · 22/08/2013 15:21

There'a a lot of background. But you're probably right; probably best to just leave it. Bumpybecky, migraines count as a disability; are you suggesting that I'm unemployable because I may have a migraine every four weeks?

OP posts:
Sparklysilversequins · 22/08/2013 15:22

You're that Sick Day Every Six Weeks employee aren't you? Once a month would be too much but every six weeks and you'll probably get away with it.

Do not send the email unless jobs are a ten a penny in your area. I shouldn't think with your sick record employers will be beating down the door for you.

23balloons · 22/08/2013 15:22

I have had 1 day sick leave in 5 years, dh hasn't had any I also think 5 days since January is a lot. I am not a boss but do get annoyed when colleagues are off sick a lot as it has massive implications on the rest of the team.

I wouldn't send the email.

Original poster
Bluestocking · 22/08/2013 15:22

He has loads of time off sick, but always pretends he's "working at home" so it doesn't show up on his record.

OP posts:
EvieanneVolvic · 22/08/2013 15:23

are you suggesting that I'm unemployable because I may have a migraine every four weeks?

I am totally confused as to how you got this out of Becky's post

Jacksmania · 22/08/2013 15:25

It's a really great reply so don't delete it! But keep it until you do actually need it, as in, if he does more than just inquire after you, which could be snarky or might not be, or says something that is without a doubt meant in a critical way.

Maybe go have smother meeting with Occupational Health anyway? Just to have it documented again that you value your job but do have this problem?

pollyblue · 22/08/2013 15:25

OP, unfortunately his amount of sick leave is neither here nor there. He's your boss and replying to him in such a way could make what sounds like a difficult situation ten times worse.

Jacksmania · 22/08/2013 15:25

Sheesh. Smother => another.

23balloons · 22/08/2013 15:26

Then again if you are classed as having a disability then it is different I assume. If you could afford it I would try & work part time.

I can see both sides you can't help the migraines & I certainly wouldn't want them but it also must be impacting on your workplace.

quesadilla · 22/08/2013 15:26

I don't think five sick days in eight months is excessive. Some people get sick more than others, there's no sick "quota".

Trouble is you don't have documented evidence that that's what he said. Even if you did, frankly, it wouldn't be worth sending that email. You have nothing to gain by sending it.

You need to suck it up, I'm afraid. I sympathise, but to react in the way you suggest would be career suicide.

Original poster
Bluestocking · 22/08/2013 15:28

Thanks, all, I am sure you are right; I just feel really, really pissed off by his behaviour. He managed to upset everyone in my team in my absence yesterday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluestocking · 22/08/2013 15:29

PS. Have already committed career suicide, quesadilla, but thank you for your kind thoughts.

OP posts:
spongebob13 · 22/08/2013 15:31

what "massive implications" does other people taking sick leave have on you 23balloons?

TippiShagpile · 22/08/2013 15:31

Please don't send that email. It's awful

It also plays into that truly dreadful stereotype of hormonal women biting everyone's head off, just for asking how they are.

Shyer · 22/08/2013 15:31

No to that email. You're starting a row you may not win - even given you're right.

spongebob13 · 22/08/2013 15:32

Bluestocking I feel your pain but how do you know what he said? through a third party I assume. you will only make your life difficult as tempting as it is to send it.

just don't reply for hours then say "yes fine thanks."

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/08/2013 15:32

Why do you think you've already committed career suicide OP?

HandMini · 22/08/2013 15:37

Blue - sorry you have migraines, it sounds rubbish.

Don't send that email - take it as face value - he's asking how you are and you send a rant about a third hand comment?

Go and see HR again off your own back when you return - you need to be prepared to manage the fact that your sick record is way above average.

quesadilla · 22/08/2013 15:40

If you think you've already committed career suicide by having to take time off for migraines I don't think you have. (not sure if there's somethign else you're referring to).

If you're seriously worried about it I'd talk to your GP and maybe try to get a note to give to HR. If you do get called on your sick record (and again I don't think its particularly bad) or if some sort of grievance is brought against you then it would be handy to have in the back pocket.

If not you can just casually drop it into the conversation if your arsehole of a boss says anything like this again.

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