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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to send this message to my knobhead of a boss about a day's sick leave yesterday?

171 replies

Bluestocking · 22/08/2013 15:07

Background; I get terrible menstrual migraines. These are much less frequent now that I'm perimenopausal, but I do still get the occasional one. i got one yesterday and knobhead boss sent me an email with "are you feeling better?" in subject line and no text.
Can I send this or is it too fighty?

Dear (knobhead boss)
Yes, thanks, I am feeling much better today.

I was sorry to learn that you said yesterday to (knobhead boss?s PA) that I?d phoned in sick ?again?, loudly enough for other colleagues to overhear. I looked back at my sickness record for this calendar year (which I cut and pasted into my message ? 5 days since January) and while it?s not perfect, I don?t think it?s anything out of the ordinary. As I?m sure you are aware, I am rarely actually ill, but am occasionally incapacitated by migraines. I realise that it?s inconvenient for you when this happens, but believe me, it?s far worse than inconvenient for me. I would much, much rather spend the day at work than spend it prone in a darkened room with an excruciating headache, nausea and dizziness. As I?ve suffered from monthly migraines for most of my adult life, I?ve probably wasted a full year of my life in this way; this is a matter of considerable regret to me.

I have, as you know, had a consultation with Occupational Health (February 2013) about sick leave associated with migraines. If you think I should go back for another discussion, I would be more than happy to do so.

Regards
Bluestocking

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 22/08/2013 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/08/2013 17:18

Then there's the times you might need to be off with sick DC too - employers and colleagues don't always seem to understand that either.
I don't think 5 days in 8 months when you've explained about an ongoing medical problem is at all unreasonable or excessive.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 22/08/2013 17:18

YABU.

Whereisegg · 22/08/2013 17:18

I agree with boo...

There's not a lot worse than looking at a colleague who has the shivers/rummy nose/muscle aches, sneezing and coughing over everything and just bloody knowing that's what you're going to be like be like next week.

I realise migraines aren't catching, but I don't think your time off is excessive.

TelephonicsSuper · 22/08/2013 17:19

I think 5 days sick leave in 8 months is a lot, far above average. I have had 2 in 5 years, and that includes coming in on days when I would have been feeling rotten for various reason but made the extra effort.
TBH and wouldn't send him anything, you just have to suck it up. His Q doesn't seem aggressive or out of order, he is your line manager. People do notice when you call in sick - concern usually at first, then annoyance when it becomes regular... you just have to get back to work and get some of that trust back. He's not out of line mentioning it to PA who presumably keeps the sick records etc Not sure what you expect really.

Pawprint · 22/08/2013 17:21

Don't send it. Do, however, knit a doll version of your boss and stick pins in it. Particularly around the genital region.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/08/2013 17:24

I do think there's a general unrealistic expectation that people should never be sick, children too, as exemplified by the culture of 100% attendance certificates.
Personally I think more tolerance and sympathy in the workplace and school community would be welcome.

BoozyBear · 22/08/2013 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tobiasfunke · 22/08/2013 17:27

I can't see why there should be a problem as your boss knows that you get hormonal migraines so it's not like random days off for spurious illnesses.

I get migraines. They are grim. There are still loads of people who think a migraine is just a headache- your boss is probably one of those.

I get hormonal- 'mini-migraines' every month for 4 consecutive days. Not as debilitating as a fullblown one but pretty goddamn horrible. If I take painkillers early enough with a fullblown one (along with a can of coke) the pain is usually lessened a little.
However with hormonal ones nothing works for some reason.
GP told me hormonal ones are the hardest to control.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 22/08/2013 17:32

I believe the reason they have guidelines and targets is to ensure that managers take absence.

As a once line manager, yes-one does feel dreadfully sorry for the person off sick, but also somewhat sorry for your team as you have to rearrange remaining people to cover anything vital and also for yourself as guess who is the last point of call if the team can't cover it and guess who also has to kick off all the tedious absence management process.

It's not pleasant having to try and determine if your team member is a) genuinely unfortunately ill on a regular basis or b) a bit of a mickey taker and have conversations with them every time they come back, given the choice I'd imagine most folks would avoid it and that's how absentee culture begins. Then other people who aren't off sick regularly begin to get annoyed and wonder if they shouldn't start taking some time off.

It's also amazing in our place how many people seem to get well just before the 6 month mark when their salary goes down to half or the twelve month mark when it stops.

The guidelines are in place to ensure that absence gets picked up after a certain level. We could argue all day about what those levels should be but to imagine that it would somehow be easier or fairer if they didn't exist seems somewhat pollyanna-ish.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 22/08/2013 17:33

Whoops wrong first sentence - I meant to say the reason they have guidelines and targets is to ensure that managers take appropriate action.

BoozyBear · 22/08/2013 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoMomma · 22/08/2013 17:34

you would all hate me with my like 30 days of sickness lol.

tbf I got signed off with anxiety disorder triggered by workplace bullying (since resolved) and then pregnancy totally fucked me up Blush Confused

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 22/08/2013 17:41

In June I was off for two days with a vomiting bug. Came back to work for one day. Had a miscarriage and was promptly off for three days. So, five days off sick out of six working days. A few months previously I had a day off due to laryngitis. My dh has been off sick twice in ten years. I've had more than that in one year! But each time I was off I was not fit for work. It's not a moral victory to not be ill, it's luck and it's horrible to feel stressed and guilty when you are sick.

But no, you shouldn't send that message!

mellicauli · 22/08/2013 17:41

You've said what you are really thinking here. Now send one back saying " Yes, thank you for asking. Sorry I missed work, I hope it didn't cause too many problems."

That is what being a civilised adult is all about!

ShellyBoobs · 22/08/2013 17:54

the reason they have guidelines and targets is to ensure that managers take appropriate action.

Absolutely.

People who think it's fine to take lots of sick days would be the first to complain if they saw someone else being treated differently to them.

You can't manage a business on compassion and discretion. If you don't set rules and stick to them, you can't possibly maintain fairness or any chance of winning a tribunal when someone appeals against being sacked for absence.

DumSpiroSpero · 22/08/2013 18:01

I can't stand the sickness martyrs, who drag their sneezing, coughing, hacking arses into work to demonstrate how dedicated they are...

I don't drag my arse in because I'm dedicated, I do it because I am the only person who does what I do in our office (same for my colleagues), and the thought of what will be waiting for me when I get back would make me feel even worse!

I agree the sick leave Nazi-ism takes the mick, but unfortunately so do lots of employees. One of my colleagues has worked approx 3-4 months of the 4 years I've been at my current job, but she has playing the system down to a fine art and we can do nothing about it Confused.

OP I would instigate a meeting with HR or Occupational when you get back just to cover yourself, and if you're sure about your manager's comments I think you'd be justified in quietly raising his lack of professionalism.

onedogandababy · 22/08/2013 18:03

The index thing also has problems though, the way it's calculated means there is no incentive to go back after a day off, you may as well be off all week.

Plus in the warped way others view it, colleagues are less likely to think you're on the skive if you're off for longer.

Dumb huh?

quesadilla · 22/08/2013 18:12

Shelly
"People who think it's fine to take lots of sick days would be the first to complain if they saw someone else being treated differently to them."

But the OP doesn't think its "fine" to take loads of sick days for the hell of it, she (I'm assuming she is a she) suffers from a debilitating condition which her employer knows about as she's already been to occupational health about it.

I totally get that companies have a right to crack down on people blatantly taking the piss with sick leave but surely tracking performance against some arbitrary "norm" (and everyone knows averages are a notoriously imprecise way to measure stuff like this, is not the best way to track this.

Icantstopeatinglol · 22/08/2013 18:22

I wouldn't send the email op, I'm sure it felt good writing it down though! :)
I'm currently on a sickness review but I know I've been genuinely poorly (and so does my boss) so it doesn't bother me. Nobody can say how many days sick any one person should have as everyone is different. To say its excessive helps noone as its not going to chang anything apart from make the op feel bad for being poorly!? I wish I'd had 0 days sick this year but unfortunately these things are taken out of your hands most the time.
Try not to worry and consult your HR dept if needs be.

theodorakisses · 22/08/2013 18:23

I have an employee who suffers with terrible menstrual headaches. She often comes in but has to leave. In fairness we are in the middle east and have a medical facility connected to our company. She is great and is clearly suffering but at least she can pop to the med center, see a doctor and get a note which validates this either way, as a boss who trusts their employees, I would rather they went home than suffered.

SaltaKatten · 22/08/2013 18:24

Did you have to fill in a form about your health before you started work? I know I did and I declared my migraines and how often I have them (nowhere near as often as you) and HR said that was fine. My boss now has to ignore a set number of migraine related sick days a year.

ShellyBoobs · 22/08/2013 18:24

quesadilla - I wasn't talking about OP's thoughts on sickness, or indeed anyone else's, in particular.

I was responding to a comment someone else made about using managerial discretion, which is a ridiculous way to manage sickness.

Coconutty · 22/08/2013 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShellyBoobs · 22/08/2013 18:31

Actually quesadilla, I think it was your comment I was responding to.

You said What's wrong with just using common sense?.

Don't you see that you can't manage anything by just using that?

What happens when someone is blatantly taking the piss? You would pressumably decide enough is enough and take action?

Then how do you defend the action you took when there's no consistency in the disciplinary process you've adopted? Their appeal against the disciplinary would focus on the inconsistency and they'd soon find evidence that someone else hadn't been treated in exactly the same way as them.

You would quickly find that you couldn't fire anyone for excessive absence.