Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give up breastfeeding?

252 replies

MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 16:24

I've just about had enough.

Baby has a lip tie which GP says no one in the country will cut. She was cupfed from birth against my will and has never been able to latch properly. I have been expressing every single feed for two months (she's now 10 weeks old). My milk supply in one boob dried up so its one boob getting pumped every time, my god the pain.

My milk supply has now more than halved, I don't know if it's due to the fact I'm on my period. For the past week I've been expressing every half hour to get enough for the baby, it's still not been enough and we've been giving the odd carton of formula.

I've just had e-fucking-nough of getting up every hour in the night and all day to wash the fucking pump and express again. Every feed is a nightmare because if there isn't a bottle waiting in the fridge she has to wait and she obviously gets distressed. DH gets no sleep either because he feeds her while I express the next bottle to try and stay ahead.

I would be onto formula like a shot if it wasn't for the amount of shit I am getting from every angle. The midwife drummed it into me all through my pregnancy how the baby will be full of disease if I use formula. The GP has said under no circumstance switch to formula because the baby has bad reflux and apparently it'll make it worse. Home start have been badgering me twice a week for weeks asking if I'm breastfeeding properly yet. I told them I don't need their help anymore (they tried and couldn't get her to latch either) but they will not go away. The health visitor is the same, phonecalls all the time asking if I'm doing it right yet.

AIBU to tell them all to fuck right off and give my baby formula? She's upset with the situation so I can't see a benefit to breastmilk for us anymore but I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I have PND which is clouding my head and my judgement so please tell me what you would do.

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 22:57

No, we all imagined the bleeding, the pain, the hours of feeding and a still unsettled baby. The endless trips to clinic to be told your doing nothing wrong and the being glued to sofas either feeding or expressing and not eating a hot meal in weeks in case you spilt it whilst eating with one hand on the sofa over a constantly nursing baby's head never happened to anyone.couldnt possibly happen could it??!!

Twattybollocks · 21/08/2013 22:57

I'm a bf supporter and I've just read your op and thought bugger that for a game of soldiers, you've done your best against stacked odds, now cut yourself some slack, get some formula in and enjoy your baby!
There comes a time when however beneficial bf can be from a nutritional point of view, the balance between that and sanity and health of the mother has tipped over the line and that's the time to call it quits.
Formula if made correctly is perfectly adequate nutrition for a baby. Babies all over the country are growing up happy and healthy on the stuff.

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:58

Why is it that in plenty of other countries people don't find breastfeeding so hard but here the majority of women struggle with it?

Can you guess why?

CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:58

Oh GRRRRRR!!!!

I give up. It IS hard if you find it hard. That's all.

OP sorry I have ranted at the perfect lady on your thread.

I still say YANBU. And I still say seek help for the PND as that affects your relationship with your baby far, far more than any formula.

Good luck to you and your sleepy DH. Grin

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 23:00

Cara Ignore.

Do what is right for you and your baby.

If you really really want to continue breastfeeding there is a couple of things you could possibly venture with, but there is no guarantee.

If you are struggling and I don't blame you, I would've nearly gave up on day 1 can't carry on the way things are going don't feel bad for giving your DD formula. She has had 10 weeks of breastmilk. Even a day is better than none. You have helped her immune system immensely.

Don't feel bad, you have done an excellent job.

Breastfeeding isn't easy or hard, breastfeeding isn't like taking an exam. It's emotional and it's physiological.

ShoeWhore · 21/08/2013 23:00

Wow OP you have done so well. Ds1 was very difficult to latch on and I persevered for 3.5 weeks with expressing - I was on my knees and my supply dwindling rapidly.

You have done a brilliant job to keep going for 10 weeks. If you want to stop, then you do so - and should do so without any guilt whatsoever imho.

GoneOnHolidayByMistake · 21/08/2013 23:00

Misconceptions in your opinion Marianne. But you are obviously not going to concede that for some people it is difficult. Goodness only knows why not.

Just out of interest, what motivation could I and so many others have for claiming to find it difficult? Apart from the secret mission we are all on to end all breast feeding forever, that is, obviously. Are you saying we are lying?

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 23:01

caffeine 14 years on and reading your post that was just what it was like for me.

I managed 6 weeks with DS1 before going insane.

Original poster
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 23:01

When I was in hospital after having the baby there were breastfeeding advisors on the postnatal ward 24 hours a day so I can't be the only one who needs help with it.

OP posts:
MarianneM · 21/08/2013 23:03

I think people should in general whinge and moan less and just get on with it.

Might even help with the PND.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 23:03

You did better than me then, I lasted three. Then a further anti social three months expressing. I wish I'd called it a day far sooner.

squoosh · 21/08/2013 23:04

I wish someone would stick a tit in your mouth and stop your whinging and moaning.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 23:04

You are not.

I had to keep pressing that buzzer for help on the ward (was in for 5 days afterwards due to c section and DD losing weight thanks to the mix of bad latch I was producing enough milk but it just didn't seem to work). I would be in tears and crying and the midwives/helpers must've been so bored of me doing it. At least 4 or 5 times a day.

I would cry to my Dfiance and Mum too and tell them how useless I was to her and how I was a failure as a mother. I felt so bad and that I was making her ill. I had to get a sippy cup for her to take it from and a syringe on day 2 until she could take sippy cup on day 4. It was really, really upsetting.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 23:05

squoosh

^ yep.

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 23:05

No tit please - can I have something else?

Original poster
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 23:05

just get on with it

Yes, silly me.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 23:05

Marianne read the OP again and make a constructive suggestion as to how she could 'get on with it' then.

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 23:06

Yes- a sock Marianne.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 23:06

YANBU to switch to formula under these circumstances.

YABU to refer to it as 'giving up'.

You are making a positive decision to change something in your parenting that will hopefully be to the benefit of your entire family.

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 23:06

Stop moaning here for a start.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 23:08

caramac please please please please please just ignore her. You don't need to read her crap just do what you decided. Your baby will be fine and you can concentrate on getting yourself better x

CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 23:09

Marianne please now will you FUCK off.

Honestly, might even help with the PND!?!?!? So I breasted my dd1 for 9 months and daren't go near a window because I knew I would throw her out if I did. How DARE you insinuate that bf may help with PND?

You are spectacularly mean and harsh and I pity your children when they have any problems you aren't familiar with yourself.

Really, go away.

Twattybollocks · 21/08/2013 23:09

Marianne - I've just seen your assertion that breast feeding isn't hard for most women- as a peer supporter visiting new mums at home I've seen upwards of 500 women with newborns, and I can tell you that there are very few who come home from hospital with a baby latching well, with no nipple pain, having had no incorrect information from hcps, and whose babies feed well and don't have any bf related problems. The majority come home with babies not feeding well, nipple pain, cluster feeding (which I know is normal but its still a nightmare) engorgment, undiagnosed tongue tie, lip tie, thrush, mastitis, I've seen it all. In fact, having fed 2 babies myself I've actually had all of the above at some point, and it was bloody hard work.
Lip tie is a bitch, my baby has it and also ptt, she is 7mo and bf is still painful at every feed. I've had thrush pretty much constantly since she was 10 days old, I can safely say that feeding her has been a labour of love, labour being the operative word. The only reason I'm still feeding her is because I got the right help at the right time, and if she hadnt been able to latch properly there is no way on this planet that I would have kept going this long.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 23:10

Most women/babies (with support) will find BF reasonably easy after the first few days.

Some women/babies will find it very difficult initially and then find it easier as the baby gets older.

Some women/babies find it incredibly difficult with no improvement (as here)

Some women/babies find it impossible.

It is both true that most women/babies find it easy and that some women/babies really really don't.

There is no need for anyone to get their pants hoicked about this. It is the old chestnut that all babies are different!

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 23:10

My Midwife said not to worry about not being able to BF any longer as she was a 'failed breastfeeder' herself. Shock Grin Made me feel much better. Sad