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AIBU to give up breastfeeding?
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MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 16:24

I've just about had enough.

Baby has a lip tie which GP says no one in the country will cut. She was cupfed from birth against my will and has never been able to latch properly. I have been expressing every single feed for two months (she's now 10 weeks old). My milk supply in one boob dried up so its one boob getting pumped every time, my god the pain.

My milk supply has now more than halved, I don't know if it's due to the fact I'm on my period. For the past week I've been expressing every half hour to get enough for the baby, it's still not been enough and we've been giving the odd carton of formula.

I've just had e-fucking-nough of getting up every hour in the night and all day to wash the fucking pump and express again. Every feed is a nightmare because if there isn't a bottle waiting in the fridge she has to wait and she obviously gets distressed. DH gets no sleep either because he feeds her while I express the next bottle to try and stay ahead.

I would be onto formula like a shot if it wasn't for the amount of shit I am getting from every angle. The midwife drummed it into me all through my pregnancy how the baby will be full of disease if I use formula. The GP has said under no circumstance switch to formula because the baby has bad reflux and apparently it'll make it worse. Home start have been badgering me twice a week for weeks asking if I'm breastfeeding properly yet. I told them I don't need their help anymore (they tried and couldn't get her to latch either) but they will not go away. The health visitor is the same, phonecalls all the time asking if I'm doing it right yet.

AIBU to tell them all to fuck right off and give my baby formula? She's upset with the situation so I can't see a benefit to breastmilk for us anymore but I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I have PND which is clouding my head and my judgement so please tell me what you would do.

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georgettemagritte · 21/08/2013 21:41

Well done for getting so far after all you have been through! It's doesn't have to be all one thing or the other: you can mix-feed and keep expressing if you want to continue the milk supply, and that would give your sore nipple a chance to heal. (Sore nipples are absolute agony - I really sympathise :( ) FWIW it took me ages to establish bf and it bloody hurt but I find I get a sharp drop when my period comes on. A high dose tablet of mixed calcium and magnesium three times a day helps the supply pick up again rapidly (LLL has more info on the exact dose which I forget). You have done a heroic job and you need some rest! Let your DH help with a ff, and drench your nipple in Lansinoh and get some sleep :) :)

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:21

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

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Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:24

Anti breast feeding propaganda Marianne? I don't think so. i don't think the Op is on a crusade to put a stop to all breastfeeding. Confused

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CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:27

marianne WHAT!?

Don't think I have ever read such a cynical post.

Who will be seeing this 'propaganda' apart from a few MNetters and why on earth would someone post this if they hadn't experienced it?

Have you experienced PND and the crippling anxiety it causes????

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:28

But I think it sounds like it - how very hard it is, despite all your best efforts etc etc, asking people's permission to use formula - what does she need it for?

Unnecessary thread at best.

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CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:29

Also marianne do you think someone should continue to try to breast feed in any circumstances? I would like to know at what point you deem it acceptable to stop.

Propaganda my actual ARSE.

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Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:29

Well you are all heart Marianne. You could say every thread on MN was unnecessary.

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:30

A few MNetters?

Ha ha.

Mumsnet is quoted in the media all the time. There are LOADS of people reading these threads.

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Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 22:30

She's in a PND exhausted new baby haze. What's wrong with posting for some hope that she isn't a failure and that someone might understand when everyone around you is banging on blaming u.

Give the poor woman a break

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GoneOnHolidayByMistake · 21/08/2013 22:30

You poor thing. You have my utmost sympathy. I breastfed through three bouts of incredibly painful thrush, I expressed almost every feed for seven weeks and grew to absolutely loathe the sound of the breast pump.

I think that it would actually be a very courageous decision to ff if that is what is going to be best for you and your baby, and it sounds like it. I didn't have the guts in the face of all the pressure from, well, everyone, it seemed, although now I see that I was putting pressure on myself mostly. I cried giving my son the first bottle of formula as it felt like I was giving him poison. He is now a happy, chubby, healthy 10mo who was combination fed from about 6 weeks.

Sadly Marianne, that pressure is all too real, we are all bombarded with si much informaiton and so many opinions that it can feel that whatever you choose is wrong, especially when you throw PND into the mix.

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:32

Sadly Marianne, that pressure is all too real, we are all bombarded with si much informaiton and so many opinions that it can feel that whatever you choose is wrong, especially when you throw PND into the mix.

I certainly experienced no pressure to BF whatsoever.

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thebody · 21/08/2013 22:33

anti breast feeding propaganda. //😃😃

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CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:34

So what if it is quoted in the media, still doesn't quite equate to so done trying to get breast feeding frowned upon.

Honestly, I feel you have poor judgement at best.

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:34

thebody

Oh but it is all too real - you don't think so?

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CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:35

And I don't expect you had PND or any problems breast feeding either.

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:36

Sorry Charlie, I have trouble understanding your post.

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Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:36

So is everybody going to give up breastfeeding due to one thread in AIBU, where the OP is having a multitude of problems? I don't think MN has that much clout Marianne.

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GoneOnHolidayByMistake · 21/08/2013 22:37

Well, lucky old you Marianne. So the fact that it didn't happen to you means it doesn't exist? Please let me know of any other things that haven't happened to you so I can tell if things that happen to me are real or not. It'll save me starting any unnecessary threads.

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MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:38

I don't think I had PND, and I managed to BF fine both times despite not knowing what to do the first time and without any support in the hospital or afterwards. It isn't as hard as people try to convince it is. It really isn't.

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Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:39

For you it wasn't hard Marianne. For you. But for some people it really is hard.

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CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:40

Me too actually. Grin

I just think you are totally wrong. I can feel what she is saying having been there. You just sound so very cold and unfeeling.

I meant that I don't expect it occurred to the OP (assuming that she isn't trying to get breast feeding banned) to think about the wider impact of her post. Maybe she just needed support, which gladly she has got.

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ButteryJam · 21/08/2013 22:40

you poor thing! You have done extremely well, move on and FF. I can relate to the pressure of BF, where I live there is pressure to BF.

Regarding lip tie, it can be removed privately. There are 4 surgeons I know that remove them. I just had my dd's removed in Huddersfield via laser. Whereabouts are you based?

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HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 22:40

If I were you, I'd FF.

There are some medications you can get at a push to help with reflux as DD has it at 4 1/2 months and has had it since about 2 months old and she is supplemented.

Supplementing is also a possibility as your breastmilk SHOULD adjust. So if you wanted to pump enough for 1 or 2 breastfeeds a day for example, then the rest be formula and that way she is getting some nice breastmilky nutrients that the doctors all like, you could do that and would imagine that would be at least marginly less stressful.

Is there a possibility you could have milk donation? I know that this tends to be for very sick/premature babies but not sure if there is a possibility with older babies where the mother is struggling to BFed but would like them to get the extra stuff.

Here is a website that should be able to give you information and a directory of places you can get donated milk: www.ukamb.org/

But definitely if it feels too much, is making you and your baby stressed and is painful I see no benefit at all of you staying breastfeeding really, unless it's a major priority in which case I would supplement or get donated milk.

I hope you feel better soon with your PND too.

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breatheslowly · 21/08/2013 22:40

Marianne - have you heard of empathy?

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Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 22:41

Are you serious? Do you have any idea just how hard breast feeding can be? Do you really think all these support groups and threads would exist if people could figure it all out themselves. Cos preemies /tongue ties/ medication/ medical conditions and anything reset hat can make it hard just don't exist? What colour is the sky on your planet?

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