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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give up breastfeeding?

252 replies

MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 16:24

I've just about had enough.

Baby has a lip tie which GP says no one in the country will cut. She was cupfed from birth against my will and has never been able to latch properly. I have been expressing every single feed for two months (she's now 10 weeks old). My milk supply in one boob dried up so its one boob getting pumped every time, my god the pain.

My milk supply has now more than halved, I don't know if it's due to the fact I'm on my period. For the past week I've been expressing every half hour to get enough for the baby, it's still not been enough and we've been giving the odd carton of formula.

I've just had e-fucking-nough of getting up every hour in the night and all day to wash the fucking pump and express again. Every feed is a nightmare because if there isn't a bottle waiting in the fridge she has to wait and she obviously gets distressed. DH gets no sleep either because he feeds her while I express the next bottle to try and stay ahead.

I would be onto formula like a shot if it wasn't for the amount of shit I am getting from every angle. The midwife drummed it into me all through my pregnancy how the baby will be full of disease if I use formula. The GP has said under no circumstance switch to formula because the baby has bad reflux and apparently it'll make it worse. Home start have been badgering me twice a week for weeks asking if I'm breastfeeding properly yet. I told them I don't need their help anymore (they tried and couldn't get her to latch either) but they will not go away. The health visitor is the same, phonecalls all the time asking if I'm doing it right yet.

AIBU to tell them all to fuck right off and give my baby formula? She's upset with the situation so I can't see a benefit to breastmilk for us anymore but I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I have PND which is clouding my head and my judgement so please tell me what you would do.

OP posts:
BetsyBell · 21/08/2013 22:41

You poor love ((hugs)). You have done amazingly well to go as long as you have. Your baby will be ABSOLUTELY fine on formula.

If it helps, I had one that wouldn't breast feed and was FF after failing to latch on for 2 days post-natal (my nipples were so scabby after all the failed feedings I couldn't express even), and another DC that was BF for a year. They are now 7 & 9 and there is no difference in their health, wit, intelligence, abilities, development etc etc.

My midwife was wonderful about it, even though she was proBF (as am I). That really helped tbh.

BuntyCollocks · 21/08/2013 22:41

You poor love.

If you want to stop, stop.

If you want to get the lip tie sorted, and the tongue tie (ive never seen a ongue tie without a lip tie - may be a sneaky posterior tie), there are two private dentists who trained with larry kotlow and revise with laser - dr Roberts at cote royd in Huddersfield, and dr levinkind in London.

Whatever you choose, she is your baby. Do what is best for you, and for her.

squoosh · 21/08/2013 22:42

Whoopee doo for you Marianne but your experience isn't the OP's experience.

'It was easy for me therefore it's easy for everyone'.

Bollocks.

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:43

Marianne - have you heard of empathy?

This is indeed the place to show it - never mind the "real world".

breatheslowly · 21/08/2013 22:45

Do you only have enough empathy for your "real world" encounters?

I am sure that I have done some things in my life that I have found easy and others will have found hard. Why should BF be any different?

glossyflower · 21/08/2013 22:46

If there's anything unnecessary Marianne it's your post.

This thread is very relevant. The problems experienced by OP can affect any one of us and other people's life experiences are helpful.
My first post was in desperation, being 9 weeks pregnant suffering horrendous hyperemesis and asking if I thought I was strong enough to continue the pregnancy.
The support I received was so fantastic that it made me realise I could carry on, and I did.
With a little help from my mumsnet friends I now have a beautiful little girl, and mumsnet have been unable up get rid of me ever since!

CheckpointCharlie · 21/08/2013 22:47

But it is if you have physical barriers that make it hard. (Even if you don't it can be excrutiating.) It hasn't happened to you, which is good, but it does happen to lots of people and it is very upsetting and stressful.

I get that you don't understand it but try to empathise.

Imagine someone telling you that something you find really hard is actually ridiculously easy and that you must be lying just to put other people off doing it.

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:47

At the time when I had to stop BF Ds1 I was inconsolable, but now he's 14 it really doesn't matter and TBH I don't even think about it.

plinkyplonks · 21/08/2013 22:48

Nice attempt at a thread hijack MarianneM. Posts reported.

CaramacOnToast your health and mental well being is more important - if bf is detrimental to either, then please stop! Best of luck x

Gooseysgirl · 21/08/2013 22:49

Damn right you know the response you will get Marianne... Here you go Biscuit
OP don't waste your time reading her post

rockybalboa · 21/08/2013 22:50

Tell every single one of them to fuck off and give your baby formula. You poor poor thing. Breastfeeding is bloody hard and whilst its great (ish...) when it works you are going to make yourself seriously ill. Good luck and screw all the idiots. Formula causing disease?!? Wtf?!?

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:51

Why have you reported my posts? Is one not allowed to express an opinion that differs from everyone else's?

Am I supposed to feel scared?

Ridiculous. Keep your silly biscuits.

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:52

Breastfeeding is bloody hard

Not it isn't. Some people might find it so, but most won't.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 22:52

Oh and forgot to say -

I am mix feeding DD. She's 18, nearly 19 weeks now and been mixed fed since 7 days old as I wasn't producing enough and although she could latch, it was a bit odd.

She can do it fine now since about 12/13 weeks she has been A LOT better, it seemed to happen suddenly.

But she was so hungry and I was so cross with myself I wasn't producing enough and I was pumping and crying and getting myself so upset, it was just horrible.

I now feed her breast during the night and pump 2 or 3 times a day and give her formula most of the day and one breast bottle during the day from my pumping. It works for me and I'm happy with this and although she does have some refluxy problems, it's not majorly dramatic and she's a really, really happy baby.

Do what is right for YOU and YOUR CHILD.

Only you know your child so well.

I wish you the best of luck!
(we are on Aptamil as most of the others seemed to make her icky).

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:53

Marianne you knew exactly the response you would get, and you have got it. Job done?

squoosh · 21/08/2013 22:54

Marianne are you really so stupid that you can't understand that many, many women have huge difficulties trying to breastfeed? Are you?

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:55

No, that wasn't why I posted.

I think it is important to correct some of these misconceptions like "Breastfeeding is bloody hard".

MarianneM · 21/08/2013 22:55

No, squoosh, I just don't believe it, sorry.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 22:56

MarianneM:

Whatever go play over there and carry on being a narcissist and get on with whatever it was you were doing.

breatheslowly · 21/08/2013 22:56

How many women have to tell you that they found BF hard for you to believe that for some women it is?

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 22:56

Marianne why don't you start your own thread in AIBU? 'AIBU to say that breast feeding is easy?'.

HesterShaw · 21/08/2013 22:56

Marianne, you sound delightful Hmm

Original poster
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 22:57

This isn't my first post at all, I namechanged in anticipation of lots of nasty replies (this is AIBU after all) feel free to report my OP and Im sure mumsnet will come along and tell you I'm not trolling.

If I was against breastmilk I wouldn't have tried so hard to make it work, for a baby that I wasn't even sure I loved at the beginning thanks to the PND. I don't expect you to understand if you haven't been there.

OP posts:
HaveIGotPoosForYou · 21/08/2013 22:57

I wouldn't let her hijack the thread.

I am sure ignoring is the best course of action.

Her response will no doubt be removed.

squoosh · 21/08/2013 22:57

Marianne, stubborn and a bit thick. Charming combination.

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