AIBU to give up breastfeeding?
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 16:24
I've just about had enough.
Baby has a lip tie which GP says no one in the country will cut. She was cupfed from birth against my will and has never been able to latch properly. I have been expressing every single feed for two months (she's now 10 weeks old). My milk supply in one boob dried up so its one boob getting pumped every time, my god the pain.
My milk supply has now more than halved, I don't know if it's due to the fact I'm on my period. For the past week I've been expressing every half hour to get enough for the baby, it's still not been enough and we've been giving the odd carton of formula.
I've just had e-fucking-nough of getting up every hour in the night and all day to wash the fucking pump and express again. Every feed is a nightmare because if there isn't a bottle waiting in the fridge she has to wait and she obviously gets distressed. DH gets no sleep either because he feeds her while I express the next bottle to try and stay ahead.
I would be onto formula like a shot if it wasn't for the amount of shit I am getting from every angle. The midwife drummed it into me all through my pregnancy how the baby will be full of disease if I use formula. The GP has said under no circumstance switch to formula because the baby has bad reflux and apparently it'll make it worse. Home start have been badgering me twice a week for weeks asking if I'm breastfeeding properly yet. I told them I don't need their help anymore (they tried and couldn't get her to latch either) but they will not go away. The health visitor is the same, phonecalls all the time asking if I'm doing it right yet.
AIBU to tell them all to fuck right off and give my baby formula? She's upset with the situation so I can't see a benefit to breastmilk for us anymore but I feel like the worst mother in the world.
I have PND which is clouding my head and my judgement so please tell me what you would do.
squoosh · 21/08/2013 16:41
You poor thing, having all that pressure on top of PND. Give up all thoughts of breastfeeding and go enjoy your baby.
Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2013 16:43
Yes, start enjoying being a new Mum-NOW!
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 16:45
First of all congrats on your baby.
Secondly, put in complaints to all those badgering you, that's not right it sounds more like bullying to me.
Thirdly get a second opinion from a different gp. There are meds and techniques to deal with reflux that don't involve pain and suffering like you are going through. And higher calorie thicker formulas that can be prescribed. Stay down can be bought.
And last but not least, your baby feed how you wish it's no one else's business but yours. Please do what's right for you ALL and don't give in to bullying tactics.
whosshe · 21/08/2013 16:45
You have done really well, and I had similar issues as my son was tongue tied. In the end a health visitor said it was ok to change to formula, and that we would enjoy being parents much more, and enjoy our baby if he wasn't crying all day and night as he was starving hungry. They were right, and looking back we both agree that changing to formula in a similar situation to yourself was a good thing to do. At the time it was agonising and I felt very guilty.
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 16:46
I would try again with the next baby, despite what everyone is telling me I don't think I am the problem, I think it's her inability to latch. She was very slightly premature (36+5) but no problems other than this. She was born chunky and has stayed chunky.
Im not enjoying her, I dread her waking up because it means more crying and expressing and drama, I'm on edge all the time. It's not helping the PND, you're right.
I actually think her reflux would be better on formula, she's on ranitidine which has stopped the pain when throwing up but she doesn't even throw up until it gets to a feed where she has to wait for me to express and she gets so frustrated that she gulps it down. If O could give her a bottle as soon as she wanted it I don't think she would puke.
Lilliana · 21/08/2013 16:47
I think you are amazing doing this for so long. Your dd has had a great start and I would imagine you will both be happier on formula. I'm v pro bf but not sure I could have done what you have.
Do not feel bad for making a decision that is best for you and your circumstances. Formula is not poison and your dd will be perfectly healthy and happy. Also if reflux is a problem I think there are special formulas you can use, I'm no expert thought.
Good luck and well done x
FriskyHenderson · 21/08/2013 16:47
These people will tell you whether the GP is talking bollocks: health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ukmidwifery/ and where you could get the tie cut.
But whether you continue or not is totally your choice.
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 21/08/2013 16:48
And of course never ever ever feel bad about switching if you do. You sound a lovely mum and have suffered enough to do what is best for your baby. Please do not feel guilty you have done amazingly well x
whatsaduckdo · 21/08/2013 16:48
I know everyone else has said this already but well done for getting to 10weeks, it sounds like it has been really tough for you. I hate expressing with a passion so would have given up long before you!
A happy mummy = a happy baby no matter how they are fed so do what feels right for you.
cory · 21/08/2013 16:50
I believed for years that I was the cause of dd's feeding problems. And I felt awful about it. Then 10 years later, when she was in hospital for a medical condition, the OT asked casually "did she not find it difficult to bf?" And I burst into tears because it was such an obvious explanation.
ConcreteElephant · 21/08/2013 16:50
My goodness, get to the formula already and start enjoying your DD!
You have done fantastically well to get to 10 weeks like this, under circumstances which would try the most determined of mothers. Your baby has had a wonderful start and you deserve all credit for your efforts but you are officially relieved now - switch to formula, sod everyone else's opinions and views (I'm astonished at those who are bullying you like this) and enjoy your baby. Breastmilk is magnificent but the benefits to baby are not worth compromising your mental health for.
Why are Home Start badgering you? Have they actually helped at all?
With each of my 2 I had breastfeeding counsellors sent round by the midwives the day after we returned from hospital, to really help us. With DS I had a rather wonderful lady holding a syringe at my nipple trying to help me express colostrum for him - very dignified :) I can't say I'd take kindly to mere hectoring and no helping.
I say this as a mother who has breastfed 2 DC, with tricky starts to each, and who understands how hard it would be to give up because despite all the challenges, you feel you should persevere because it's best for baby. Well, sometimes it takes someone on the outside, someone not connected, to say it's ok, you've done your bit, make the choice that's right for you and your family.
PleasePudding · 21/08/2013 16:51
OF COURSE you should bottle feed! You poor poor poor thing - and entirely guilt free too.
I totally understand the pressure. I breast fed DC1 beautifully for nine months and for many reasons failed to breast feed either DC2 or DC 3 beyond a few weeks. The pressure from yourself and the professionals is immense (although with DC2 a Dr said "you didn't hear it from me but for gods sake give her a bottle and yourself a break". It is crazy that no one has told you to do this. They are letting you down for marginal benefits for the baby (and those are probably outweighed by your joint unhappiness)
Guiltlessly give up and have wine.
And the pumping and the sterilising of the pump - HELL! And it means te feeding process is almost non-stop. i understand. You are my hero for having done it so long - amazing
enjoyingscience · 21/08/2013 16:51
seriously, seriously well done on making it to ten weeks. You are a truly amazing mum. I hope things improve for you soon. YANBU at all!
glossyflower · 21/08/2013 16:55
Oh my goodness I definitely could not have done what you have gone through to give your baby breast milk.
I am BF combined with FF but I tell you considering BF is the "most natural thing in the world" it doesnt come naturally and it's bloody hard work.
You do what's best for you. If you feel less stressed then surely this is better for your child. Plus baby already has 10 weeks worth if breast milk. You have done fantastically. Xxx
Phineyj · 21/08/2013 16:55
That sounds like an utter nightmare and you sound like a very strong person to have persevered so long!
I planned to breastfeed but found it difficult and painful. DD is now nearly 8 months and is happy and healthy. She has been formula fed since the first week. In all that time she has had one cold and one slightly upset tummy. The things they tell you about how bf is better are true on average I expect, but in an individual case, you have got to do what is right for you and the baby and TRY NOT TO FEEL GUILTY!
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 16:57
Thank you so much for being so kind!
Im not sure it's just the tie that's affecting her though, I think the cupfeeding might have done something. She stays still and waits for the milk, I have to drop some in her mouth before she will suck. I don't know if that's normal and my lack of leaky boobs is the issue there?
I have been offered loads of help but it's not worked for us and when they exhaust all the advice they have they turn around and make out like I'm doing it wrong or not trying hard enough or something. It's horrible and Ifeel utterly useless.
I will switch to formula but I don't know if I can do it guilt-free. DH needs the break too, he fell asleep in the stationary cupboard at work!!
ConcreteElephant · 21/08/2013 16:57
Just seen your latest post. My DD was 36+6, she had silent reflux due to slight immaturity of the oesophagus, she was incredibly sleepy and a bit jaundiced at first. None of these things are conducive to a happy breastfeeding start! It was very hard work and I can't tell you how often I wanted to jack it in. As she got older her latch got much better and she was less sleepy, by 12 weeks she'd developed and grown enough that the awful reflux was much better - and things got easier almost overnight. You're at 10 weeks now, the first 3 months is often the hardest and with a slight premie, sometimes more so. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
RunnerHasbeen · 21/08/2013 16:58
I stopped trying to express (only had a trickle) at 6 weeks and it was the point I started enjoying being a mum, I couldn't believe how much better everything else got. The person, BF counsellor, who told me it wasn't going to happen and wasn't doing anyone any good was the kindest person I met. You have done an amazing job, above and beyond, now get some formula and enjoy your baby!
chillinwithmyyonis · 21/08/2013 17:00
Is it tongue tie, or a lip tie? My ds had tongue tie and we had to cup feed him but luckily a specialised midwife (ran a tongue tie clinic) snipped it without bother at about 1-2 weeks old. I definitely couldn't have lasted as long as you, a bad latch can rip your nipples to shreds. It was a HV that referred us but I guess it depends on the services in your area. Couldn't a paed do it?
Not sure how it works with a lip tie, I have one myself and breastfed fine for a yr so my mother tells me. Only the dentist has mentioned it, she said she could snip it if it bothers me, but not sure whether its more something a doctor should attempt rather than midwife iyswim.
Overall YANBU, if you're not getting the support you need, what choice do you have?
FirstStopCafe · 21/08/2013 17:01
YANBU. You have done amazingly well.
MisselthwaiteManor · 21/08/2013 17:03
It's a lip tie, which apparently no one will snip because it doesn't affect breastfeeding. I can see it affects her latch though, even on the bottle she dribbles out of the sides of her mouth and her lip isn't curled back.
Nanny0gg · 21/08/2013 17:03
Well done for persevering long after most I would have done.
Give both of you a break and switch to formula. She'll be fine, you'll be relaxed and so much happier and you will enjoy your baby.
chillinwithmyyonis · 21/08/2013 17:04
And tbh, I don't think you would be able to bf properly until the tie is snipped, no amount of positioning will help you or baby, if its tongue tie they can't extend their tongue to fully get a grip of the breast.
SmallFarAway · 21/08/2013 17:05
Good god woman! You deserve a medal for getting as far as you have in those circumstances. Expressing once a day used to drive me insane...expressing every single feed just wouldn't have been an option. Get the formula out. Get your life back and start enjoying your DD.
queenofthemountains · 21/08/2013 17:06
I expressed to feed for 6 weeks. My daughter had a cleft palate so no suck. Its utterly exhausting, I still celebrate the day I stopped expressing as my life completely changed for the better.
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