AIBU to give up breastfeeding?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I've just about had enough.

Baby has a lip tie which GP says no one in the country will cut. She was cupfed from birth against my will and has never been able to latch properly. I have been expressing every single feed for two months (she's now 10 weeks old). My milk supply in one boob dried up so its one boob getting pumped every time, my god the pain.

My milk supply has now more than halved, I don't know if it's due to the fact I'm on my period. For the past week I've been expressing every half hour to get enough for the baby, it's still not been enough and we've been giving the odd carton of formula.

I've just had e-fucking-nough of getting up every hour in the night and all day to wash the fucking pump and express again. Every feed is a nightmare because if there isn't a bottle waiting in the fridge she has to wait and she obviously gets distressed. DH gets no sleep either because he feeds her while I express the next bottle to try and stay ahead.

I would be onto formula like a shot if it wasn't for the amount of shit I am getting from every angle. The midwife drummed it into me all through my pregnancy how the baby will be full of disease if I use formula. The GP has said under no circumstance switch to formula because the baby has bad reflux and apparently it'll make it worse. Home start have been badgering me twice a week for weeks asking if I'm breastfeeding properly yet. I told them I don't need their help anymore (they tried and couldn't get her to latch either) but they will not go away. The health visitor is the same, phonecalls all the time asking if I'm doing it right yet.

AIBU to tell them all to fuck right off and give my baby formula? She's upset with the situation so I can't see a benefit to breastmilk for us anymore but I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I have PND which is clouding my head and my judgement so please tell me what you would do.

[Boosiehs]

I'm relatively new to mumsnet. Am I allowed to use the phrase " miserable heartless bitch" or not?

[ICBINEG]

checkpoint BF is correlated with lower rates of PND than FF. That DOESN'T mean that carrying on BFing with PND will do anything to help though.

[ICBINEG]

boos not really...that will prob get deleted...

[ICBINEG]

marianne you are less likely to come down with pnd if you BF. BFing is not thought to help or hinder once you HAVE come down with PND.

[MarianneM]

I didn't say at point that PND and BFing were connected.

[cory]

MarianneM Wed 21-Aug-13 23:03:19
"I think people should in general whinge and moan less and just get on with it.

Might even help with the PND."

Marianne, how about reading the posts? The OP's baby is unable to breastfeed because of her liptie/possible tongue tie. The OP is having to express every ounce of milk with a pump and then bottle feed it. And she is having to do it from one boob.

Have you tried feeding a baby through expressing for 2 months? Have you any idea how hard that is?

Or do you suppose she could sort her problems by simply telling the baby to get on with it?

[ICBINEG]

marianne oh you meant that pnd can in general be cured by stopping moaning and getting on with it?

That is even more ignorant than what I thought you were saying.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Yes cory this is clearly a discipline issue, I'll go tell the baby right now to just breastfeed. Thanks Marianne, you're a star.

[Shenanagins]

Op i have found the responses on this thread very helpful as, as i said previously i am in a similar situation although with a supportive hv and breastfeeding consultant.

i hope that you too have found the responses reassuring and helpful.

with regards to the reflux ignore the gp about formula making it worse. My eldest had it and had to get top ups of formula despite breastfeeding well, due to poor weight gain. Badger them for a referral to a paediatrician who will be able to help.

i hope you have pumped your last for tonight and get a good nights sleep!

[Sparklingbrook]

Yes Caramac and put her on the naughty step if she can't.

[lookout]

Might not even be useful to you at this point, I think you've been through enough, but this guy does laser lip tie release

Oh, and P.S. feeding through any kind of tie, lip or tongue, is a real nightmare , and I salute you for having stuck it out so long!

[CheckpointCharlie]

Thanks, am very calm! As usual. Am just a bit infuriated by you.

ich (hello !) and I didn't know that. But I do know that for me the PND first time round was foul and hideous and second time round when I bf for far less time I was ecstatically happy to have a baby having have an elective CS. And I didn't once want to chuck her out the window.

[CheckpointCharlie]

Sorry again OP I don't want to derail your thread.

[SecretLimonadeDrinker]

CaramacOnToast, firstly, I want to say you are doing an Amazing job, you really are, it's so very tough when things don't go to plan and expressing round the clock is gruelling. Secondly, apologies for not reading the whole thread, I'm just finishing expressing and about to head off to bed.

My DS is 18 wks old and problems with my health means I have been expressing too, it's very draining and four weeks ago I had reached my limit, lots of people gave me their opinion but I decided to mix feed, DS has 2-3 formula feeds a day and I express the rest, this is what works for us. We are both much happier for it. I felt like a failure but talking to my friends helped a lot, they all said they would have given up long ago and most of them are very pro breast feeding.

Some of our NCT group babies have reflux and they're formula feed, I believe the gp can prescribe a formula to help with this.

Basically, the rest of the world can back off, you need to do what's best for you and your baby, you have done so well to have gotten this far and whatever you decide to do is the best option. Once you accept this it gets so much easier. i also sobbed when DH gave DS formula for the first time but I know it was the right decision for us and DS is such a happy baby.

Gosh, that was a bit of an essay, sorry about that!

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

marianme where were you seven years ago. You coulda saved me a fortune in taxis buses and breast pumps if I'd have had you to tell me the secret was just a stern talking to. By god why didn't I think of that.

[ICBINEG]

check oh its you! I am such a space cadet sometimes!

yeah I am a trend bucking Bfer with 2 years of pnd under my belt...

but the stats are as they are...BF has a 'protective' influence against PND but I think once you have it you have it....I would be wary of thinking that switching to FF will definitely help...it may and it may not...in the same way that switching to FF may help sleeping and may not.

It certainly sounds like switching is the best plan for the OP...but I wouldn't want the OP to do it for PND reasons alone, as there is no guarantee IYSWIM

[cory]

And if the stern talking to had helped with dd's inability to suckle, no doubt it would have helped with her later inability to walk as well. The money I spent on that wheelchair- where were you, Marianne?

[SecretLimonadeDrinker]

Oops, reading that back, I meant to say not to beat yourself up about it if you do move to formula feeding,I felt like a failure but talking to my friends made me realise I'm not. Also, my mum and her colleagues all work in the special care baby unit and have all said they would have given up after the first month.

[CheckpointCharlie]

Mwah to ich and to the lovely OP too.

Congrats on your little bambino and good luck.

[FishfingersAreOK]

My lovely, lovely health visitor told me 7 years ago "Fish, in several years time you will not give a stuff what went in her gob when she was a baby. At her fifth birthday, her first day at school, her dietary visit from the tooth fairy. It WILL NOT MATTER!!"

She was right. At the time, DD wa 12wo. I had horrific Thrush in my nipples (agony beyond belief), she was gaining weight really slowly. I changed to ff.

Best decision ever. DD put on weight. I actually began to not hard her. She slept. She smiled!


And my hv was right. Now it really doesn't matter.

10 weeks is more than most. You are allowed to stop. I prmouse you will not give a stuff soon x

[Sparklingbrook]

Exactly Fish. Good post.

[DaleyBump]

I was a bit over-zealous with the phrase "in my life" there.