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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a little bit mean spirited

274 replies

TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:00

A friend asked me along to a spa day. Her and her husband are very well off (they work hard, don't begrudge them that at all) but have a bit of a reputation for being tight fisted (always last to the bar etc). It was quite expensive but I thought a nice treat. We came to pay and she said she'd cleared it already and I just owed her for mine as she had a voucher for hers. If it had been me I would have said up front I had a voucher and needed someone to go with and I would have shared the voucher. I didn't necessarily expect her to do that but I think she should have said something before booking. I can be over sensitive so I accept this might be the case here but this is a long line of similar situations. Not an earth shattering problem I know!

OP posts:
KissMeHardy · 18/08/2013 17:01

Cheeky cow !! She should have halved your prices each and shared the voucher. Very mean indeed.

Sparklingbrook · 18/08/2013 17:02

No you are not BU. I would have shared the voucher, and we both pay half for the one person IYKWIM. What a tightwad. Sad

MortifiedAdams · 18/08/2013 17:02

I would have said that I have a voucher for.one so we could both chip to pay half each for the other place! Am Shock

Sparklingbrook · 18/08/2013 17:03

I would review the friendship too.

fluckered · 18/08/2013 17:03

cheeky wagon! I would have put the voucher against the total cost then split the remainder. lesson learned. yanbu!

McNewPants2013 · 18/08/2013 17:05

Quite cheeky, I would have paid 1/2

FriskyMare · 18/08/2013 17:06

So was it like a BOGOF and she got the one free? Shock

mynameisslimshady · 18/08/2013 17:06

Its not what I would have done, but I don't think she WBU really. Especially if the voucher was a gift. This wouldn't bother me at all.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2013 17:07

If it was BOGOF, you were actually paying for her. YANBU. As Sparkling says, review the friendship.

McNewPants2013 · 18/08/2013 17:07

Unless her husband bought to voucher, so already paid out for it before hand.

Famzilla · 18/08/2013 17:07

I also would have paid half. The fact that she didn't say anything until afterwards goes to show that she was being a bit selfish IMO.

Sparklingbrook · 18/08/2013 17:07

Would there have been a spa day if it wasn't for the voucher Tea?

Pagwatch · 18/08/2013 17:08

I hate it when people don't make financial suff clear up front.

It is possible that this was just a miscommunication.

To be honest though it is entirely possible to say 'I'd love to come but I need to know how much it will cost'
Then she either says 'no no, it's my treat' or she says 'I have a voucher butthe price will be on their website'

I took friends away for my birthday. I put all the info in a letter with the invitation. Literally 'I have booked rooms which include breakfast. I have dinner booked too. All you will have to pay for is anything you order to eat or drink outside those meals and anything else you put on your room bill'

People should never assume they know what is going on with financial stuff. It always goes to shit.

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:09

I am reviewing the friendship actually. I have fairly low self esteem but I've been having counselling to address this. As I can be over sensitive I thought I'd see what other people would have done. I would have shared. it's not about the money-it's the spirit of the situation. I've known this person for 15 years and I think it might be time to unknow them.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 18/08/2013 17:10

Blimey.
X-posted.
If it was a bogof thatis terrible.
I assumed she had been given a gift voucher as a present and wanted company.

IneedAsockamnesty · 18/08/2013 17:11

It depends if the voucher was a paid for gift to her or if it was an offer where its use was dependant on someone else paying for the service.

Madamecastafiore · 18/08/2013 17:11

Why would you expect her to pay for your spa day just because she had a voucher?

If it was a BOGOF then I appreciate that what she did was shitty but if not I cannot see why you think she should pay for your day?

Sparklingbrook · 18/08/2013 17:11

Does she add anything to your life Tea, ie does she enrich it in some way you would miss without her?

Someone on here described friends as either 'radiators' (the life enhancers) or 'drains' (the opposite).

Which category would you put her in?

YellowDinosaur · 18/08/2013 17:11

Depends in the nature of the voucher. If it was bogof then she is a cheeky bitch.

However she asked you to go on a spa day, presumably you were happy to and were expecting to pay your own way. If she had bought / been given a voucher then why should she sub you? I was given a spa voucher for my Birthday but if a friends came with me I wouldn't expect to pay for half of their day.

SPBisResisting · 18/08/2013 17:14

Ooh.
Recently went to a national trust place with family. We are members they are not. Wondered at the time id we should offer to split thw overall cost - should we have?

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:15

I wouldn't have gone otherwise. To be fair to her I think it was a gift not a total freebie but it's a long line of things similar. Her husband turned up at the pub, took drinks off everyone and went home without buying a round again the other day..it's the pair of them! I will say no in future. Thanks for your responses.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 18/08/2013 17:15

YANBU to think it's a little bit mean spirited.

But I wouldn't say it was worth losing a friendship over.

Yes she should have either mentioned it when she asked you to go and told you an had a freebie. Or the nice thing would have been to share it.

But IMO she was just not thinking it through. She wasn't being nasty or malicious.

BrianTheMole · 18/08/2013 17:16

If it was a bogoff she was rude. If it was a gift then its fair enough, although I still would have shared it.

Bowlersarm · 18/08/2013 17:17

I don't think so SPB because you have already forked out money for the membership?

Although it would have been a nice gesture, I don't think it would have been expected at all.

IneedAsockamnesty · 18/08/2013 17:17

Spb.

You pay for your trust membership that's very different. So no you shouldn't have.