Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a little bit mean spirited

274 replies

TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:00

A friend asked me along to a spa day. Her and her husband are very well off (they work hard, don't begrudge them that at all) but have a bit of a reputation for being tight fisted (always last to the bar etc). It was quite expensive but I thought a nice treat. We came to pay and she said she'd cleared it already and I just owed her for mine as she had a voucher for hers. If it had been me I would have said up front I had a voucher and needed someone to go with and I would have shared the voucher. I didn't necessarily expect her to do that but I think she should have said something before booking. I can be over sensitive so I accept this might be the case here but this is a long line of similar situations. Not an earth shattering problem I know!

OP posts:
springytoofs · 20/08/2013 00:30

Bloody hell! She ripped you off! Shock

No, no, you are not being tight to bring this up with her. She ripped you off!

How utterly revolting.

ZillionChocolate · 20/08/2013 07:29

I think she was BU to secretly make use of the BOGOHP but NBU to make use of a gift voucher. You should have paid £51.75 and she should have paid the balance.

If invited out for lunch/spa day/away for a weekend, I would expect to pay for myself. I would ask how much a spa day cost before deciding whether I wanted to go.

GlitzPig · 20/08/2013 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 20/08/2013 12:07

Just to update, I rang the spa twice yesterday but couldn't get through so I emailed them and I'm yet to hear back.

OP posts:
TheBleedinObvious · 22/08/2013 07:42

Op did you hear back yet?

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 01/09/2013 10:35

I have heard nothing back from the spa despite calling and then sending an email.
I did see my friend at the BBQ and we hardly said a word (I would normally go out of my way to speak to her) but she didn't come up to me and chat either. Whether I was in the right or wrong, I think the friendship has gone which I'm fine with as I'm not making an effort anymore.

Another friend of mine who is hard up and i've only known a couple of years contacted me to say she'd been given M&S voucher at work for a job well down and was pleased as she said she'd like to pay for tea and cake for us. I said yes to the tea and cake but no to her paying. I suppose what I was trying to say with the OP was I felt there was a lack of generosity of spirit for someone I had been friends with for fifteen years.
I will try ringing the spa again though and update.

OP posts:
neunundneunzigluftballons · 01/09/2013 10:46

Gift voucher is not the same as a bogof. If it was a gift voucher she is fine if not she is a bitch.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 01/09/2013 11:06

I do not know how I missed all the middle pages bloody phone YANBU if she only paid half price.

struggling100 · 01/09/2013 16:47

She is being tight! I hate that!

I am not wealthy, but when I go out with friends who earn less than I do, I always try to pay more (getting an extra round of drinks, whatever). I just think everyone should pay according to their ability.

AaDB · 01/09/2013 18:30

Op Yanbu, she should have told you she wanted to visit the spa because she had a voucher.

Now you know your ex friend is a disingenuous thief. when out with a group of friends, most of us paid cash and left a tip. The final person paid on their card. They only paid the difference and effectively stole the tip. Your friend is of the same ilk. Angry Sad for you.

DeckSwabber · 01/09/2013 18:33

when out with a group of friends, most of us paid cash and left a tip. The final person paid on their card. They only paid the difference and effectively stole the tip.

That is unbelievably mean!

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 01/09/2013 18:33

That's awful AaDB :-(

OP posts:
teacherandguideleader · 01/09/2013 19:06

A friend of mine got a voucher off of Groupon for a spa day. She invited me along but told me about the deal she had got so I could also get it at the discounted rate.

I think it is odd that she was so secretive about the voucher - if it was one that had been bought for her (a gift voucher) I can't see why you wouldn't have 'paid' together - i.e. her handing over her voucher and you paying.

If it was a BOGOF voucher she is completely out of order. Whenever friends and I get them for theme parks we always split the cost rather than the person that brought the voucher going free - that would just be rude (unless it was someone who really couldn't afford to go and we'd all chip in a bit extra and give them a 'free' place).

Tabliope · 01/09/2013 20:52

She diddled you Tea. Not a friend and you're well shot of her. If it had been a voucher present then it was fair enough you paid for yourself. However, she got you to pay the full price so she could be half price on that day. You don't instinctively trust her so let her go. What she should have done is said it's buy one get one half price so 69+34=101 roughly so £50 each but I'll be paying on the voucher XX gave me for my birthday, is that ok? She's not been upfront. What a thing to do to a friend.

AaDB · 01/09/2013 20:52

Mean and conniving to steal the tip off the restaurant staff and to expect your "friends" to subside you without their knowledge. I'm happy to help skint friends; I'm not happy for disingenuous arseholes to steal from me. I don't want to be friends with people like that.

Tea, you are well rid.

Tabliope · 01/09/2013 20:54

Tea, if you do confront her I'd lie and say the spa had been in touch with you for a consumer opinion poll to see what you thought of it - in terms of the spa and also value for money and whether you'd use the buy one get one half price deal again. Tell her then that it came out it was buy one get one half price so it was obvious what she'd done to you. That way it doesn't look like you went hunting for the info.

bootsycollins · 01/09/2013 21:32

sockreturningpixie you summarised that perfectly.

What a sly cow, that voucher was meant to be a gift for her and her husband to have a cream tea so why didn't her and dh have the spa day together if they didn't fancy the cream tea?. Oh yeah because that would have cost them £30 Hmm

Tea your well rid.

RenterNomad · 01/09/2013 22:23

I think it would have cost the tightwad couple £69, not £50, but your idea of their motive is very sharp, bootsycollins!

BrianTheMole · 01/09/2013 22:36

when out with a group of friends, most of us paid cash and left a tip. The final person paid on their card. They only paid the difference and effectively stole the tip

i had a friend who used to do this too. It took me ages to figure out that was what she did. Every time we went out. I don't see her anymore.

bootsycollins · 02/09/2013 07:18

Renter yeah your right on the maths Blush
I'm crap with numbers but not so crap that I'd rip my friends off Grin

Retroformica · 02/09/2013 08:03

It depends if someone bought her a voucher as a birthday gift she shouldn't spend it on you. But if it was a general freebee voucher, it should have been shared.

Retroformica · 02/09/2013 08:21

I think not buying a round of drinks when its your turn or pocketing a tip is unfair. You should challenge them jokingly but firmly. 'oo your buying the first round xx as I think you forgot last time' or 'you need to pay xxx amount on your card so the waitress gets the tip' or 'have you just pocketed the tip, you tight arse! Pay it up now'

Grumblelion · 02/09/2013 09:14

The voucher thing is a bit of a red herring really - of course she shouldn't have to share that. BUT...

Would the posters who disagree with the OP feel differently if it was purely cash involved? Spa has offer for BOGOHP, friend invites OP along without telling her about this offer, then goes alone to pay, taking the half price for herself & letting the OP pay full price while still not telling her. Voucher or no voucher, this seems to be exactly what happened! Friend gets benefit of a special offer while OP unknowingly shells out to allow her to get it. Yes, she could have checked the prices herself, but I would expect a so-called friend to be upfront about any deals from the outset.

YANBU.

RenterNomad · 02/09/2013 09:57

bootsy, you don't in the least sound like an "absent-minded" tightwad! A shame that some people seem to be able to use the "ditsy" defence - bastards!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page