To think this is a little bit mean spirited

[TeaAndABiscuit]

A friend asked me along to a spa day. Her and her husband are very well off (they work hard, don't begrudge them that at all) but have a bit of a reputation for being tight fisted (always last to the bar etc). It was quite expensive but I thought a nice treat. We came to pay and she said she'd cleared it already and I just owed her for mine as she had a voucher for hers. If it had been me I would have said up front I had a voucher and needed someone to go with and I would have shared the voucher. I didn't necessarily expect her to do that but I think she should have said something before booking. I can be over sensitive so I accept this might be the case here but this is a long line of similar situations. Not an earth shattering problem I know!

And I knew nothing of the spa. We could have gone to a nicer, better value place if we weren't tied to having to go there (going on her recommendation-which turned out to be because she had a voucher).

What everlong said.

My understanding is this:

*she had a gift of a spa voucher

• she asked you to go along
• she didn't 'declare' her payment was pre-paid through said voucher (she didn't need to)
• you got chanrged for your treatments / spa usage
• you got the arse thatbyounhad to physically pay when she did not
• you think she should have 'declared' the voucher & split it with you, thereby giving you a 50% discount on your day

If I've read correctly / if the above summation is correct, YABU

Why should she sub your day in these circumstances?

Everlong, they are not wealthy but they are not hard up. They work hard and I don't begrudge them that-as I said at the start.

You say you didn't expect her to sahre the voucher, but you are certainly judging her for not sharing it.

You sound very resentful of their wealth and I'm very surprised you even wanted to go on a day out with her. Did either of you enjoy the day at all?

As I said before, forget the friendship if you feel this way about her.

Apologies for typos. Sunday drinking...

Where have I said I thought she should split the voucher!!! I have never said that.

YANBU.

If she had a voucher, it's a bit mean not to cut you some slack.

If it was a BOGOF (which I suspect, typical spa promo), it's foully mean and I'd bin her. And tell everyone why.

But then why is she 'tightfisted'

Sorry but I do think YABU... you already know that it was a gift to her from someone but seem to be making out it is being unreasonable of her to use it.

You were happy enough to go on the Spa day when you thought she was paying for herself, I fail to see why her having a voucher that was a gift makes any difference at all. I also fail to see why she should have shared a voucher she received as a gift. If it was one of those BOGOF vouchers from a website then I would have agreed that she was being unreasonable, but it was a gift.

Aww , I don't think the Op was thinking about voucher splitting etc.

I think the OP just got invited along in a way that made her think it was a treat.

I took my friends to a spa for my birthday. I paid. It was, to me, the same as inviting them out for supper for my birthday then asking them to divvy up the bill.

I think the op was given to believe she was a guest and felt let down.
I don't think she was looking for a freebie. Just felt flattered and was enjoying being a valued friend but now feels like she was just making up the numbers.

Would you have the same issue if the person who gave her the voucher had given her cash and she used that for her half of the day?

Are you annoyed because you feel she might have taken money from you under false pretences? ie her voucher was she goes + one other free?

I would've shared my voucher too.

I am not a jealous or resentful person about wealth or anything else and I'm generous to fault and I tend to let people walk all over me-which is why I am having counselling. I accept that I may have been over sensitive about this but this is after years of not buying drinks, not paying their way and generally being tight fisted. It has become a running joke in our group of friends about their meaness. The best way for me to deal with this is not to see them anymore. If I give the impression that I'm jealous of anyone's net worth it couldn't be further from the truth.

But can you share a voucher?

I've been to spas on a voucher and the treatments are totally specific to the voucher holder - non transferable. How should she have 'shared' the voucher?

I've gone with friends who had a voucher. Never for one second did I think they should subsidise / contribute / alert me to their voucher use. I just thought 'lucky them...now...what shall I have...?'

Or am I missing something fundamental from the OP?

She put in the op 'but I thought it was a nice treat'

I can see both sides of this. I just think the op feels hurt rather than annoyed, which is just a bit sad really. IMO.

Don't ever go anywhere with her again which involves money. Just let the friendship drift.

TBF, if I thought it was a nice treat, I would double check. I'd never assume a friend was bankrolling me.