To think this is a little bit mean spirited

[TeaAndABiscuit]

A friend asked me along to a spa day. Her and her husband are very well off (they work hard, don't begrudge them that at all) but have a bit of a reputation for being tight fisted (always last to the bar etc). It was quite expensive but I thought a nice treat. We came to pay and she said she'd cleared it already and I just owed her for mine as she had a voucher for hers. If it had been me I would have said up front I had a voucher and needed someone to go with and I would have shared the voucher. I didn't necessarily expect her to do that but I think she should have said something before booking. I can be over sensitive so I accept this might be the case here but this is a long line of similar situations. Not an earth shattering problem I know!

I don't get this either. Why be upset she paid with a voucher? That makes about as much sense as being annoyed she paid on her credit card instead of cash.

Unless it was a discount voucher and the op has indirectly subsidised the friend without being asked then I really can't see what all the fuss is about.

But my friends and I usually end up fighting to be the one to pay the bill...

Sorry but I too think YABU. I don't understand why her declaring the voucher upfront would have made a difference.

YANBU. If you've got a discount of some kind (whether it's a gift voucher, Groupon, whatever), you don't have to work things out so both you and your friend save some money, but it's the decent thing to do.

For example, me, Dsis and a mutual pal go to the cinema last week. I have an Orange Wednesday. If we'd worked it out so me and Dsis pay half price each, and our friend pays full price, that'd be pretty shitty.

I'm with youeverlong

She's cheeky. I'd ask the spa for the details. Maybe she had a voucher for two. That was mean and she should have been up front. Sneaky. I'd ask to see the receipt.

Jesus, Vivienne, really?! I'd be so offended if I were the friend.

Even if I had nothing to hide (which I doubt this friend does).

Tbh, everlong, I see your point but I'd still say yes, share it or go alone with a good book. I'd feel like a schill if my friend was having to pay full whack.

If the voucher was a gift that's entirely different. I was thinking the friend had got a voucher for a free day at a spa and had asked her friend to come along and not mentioned it. Or even worse a two for one voucher and not mentioned it. The OP hasn't made it entirely clear.

The point is that the venue was determined by the voucher. It wasn't two friends saying, "Ooh, where shall we go? Manky Mere or Gungy Glen?" It was one person recommending a certain place based on the fact that they had a voucher but not saying so.

Under these circumstances, OP, YANBU.

YABU. You were happy to pay for a spa day then you got miffed because she had a voucher? How does that impact you exactly?
What difference would it have made if she'd told you beforehand that she was using a voucher ?

Now you know why she and her DH are wealthy!

She was very cheeky not telling you about the voucher. I have been in her shoes and I am always upfront about it - recently I had a BOGOF for a good soft play so invited DS's best friend and told his mum when she asked that the entry fee was only half the normal price due to the voucher.

It was an invitation. The op didn't have to go.

Or are people strong-armed to spas these days?

I get the impression the "voucher/gift" was a BOGOFF. That is, the friend qualified for a free spa day only if she brought someone along with her who paid.

It's like "A" visiting a friend (B) and saying: "Hey B, let's go and buy some wine and have a lovely evening at home."

"Sure," says B, and they go to the supermarket.

At the till, B pays for wine. A was given a BOGOFF voucher as a present (shit present, btw) and walks through till area clutching "free" bottle of wine.

A then walks off in opposite direction from B, explaining that she had a BOGOFF voucher as a present, so "her" wine is free, though B's wasn't.

In fact, A's wine was dependent on the purchase of one bottle + voucher, so the price should have been halved between them.

OP - She is well cheeky. If you decide against dumping her, be aware that she is like this, and keep her in view - behaviour-wise. Just don't put yourelf in a position where she an pull these sort of stunts.

I have a friend like this. I think it is, genuinely, a MH issue in her case. A few of us have noticed her behaviour and we have swapped notes occasionally. I love her to bits, and so I put up with it, and just try to avoid situations where any money is involved. But it is tricky.

Good luck with your counselling. Life is a process, ongoing, full of change: cliche for sure, but also true. Well done for committing yourself to changing things that inhibit your joy in life and for moving towards greater fullness and happiness.

I don't understand why she should pay for or subsidise the OP. Just because she is well off? that doesn't seem fair. if she had been given a voucher for her birthday she'd then have to spend a load of money to use her free birthday gift? she should have said at the time of arranging the spa day, but other than that, although I would have paid or offered to, I don't think she should be expected to pay for OP.

TBH, despite having previously posted, I am baffled by this thread. In my life, this situation would go thus:

Friend: "My mum / friend / OH / Work colleagues have bought me a day to a spa"

Me: " That's nice"

Friend "Isn't it! Do you want to come with?"

Me: " Which spa? How much? When?"

Friend: "X spa, it's on me / it's a 2-4-1 / dunno what a day costs" *delete as applicable.

Me: "Ooh, fab ta! I'll buy the wine! / Wow, gotta love a 2-4-1 / I'll call them and find out if I can afford" *ditto delete as applicable.

Investigation (if needed) ensues. Decisions are made. No friends are lost.

Isn't that what friends do?! [confused) again.

Very mean spirited of your friend, op.

I'd be moving myself especially as you say it's typical.

Well it all just proves what I said upthread. Always be clear about finances and, as a guest, if you are not sure, ask.