To think this is a little bit mean spirited

[TeaAndABiscuit]

A friend asked me along to a spa day. Her and her husband are very well off (they work hard, don't begrudge them that at all) but have a bit of a reputation for being tight fisted (always last to the bar etc). It was quite expensive but I thought a nice treat. We came to pay and she said she'd cleared it already and I just owed her for mine as she had a voucher for hers. If it had been me I would have said up front I had a voucher and needed someone to go with and I would have shared the voucher. I didn't necessarily expect her to do that but I think she should have said something before booking. I can be over sensitive so I accept this might be the case here but this is a long line of similar situations. Not an earth shattering problem I know!

Didn't the op say it was a gift upthread? It had been for afternoon tea originally?

I think op is being most unreasonable.

I can see where the OP is coming from.

She thought that the spa cost £69 per person. Her friend said 'do you want to go on a spa day, it's £69' or similar.

The OP, thinking that this was expensive, but worth it to spend time with her friend, said yes.

When it came time to pay, the 'friend' paid for the day. £69 total. Rather than saying 'I had a voucher so it's only £34.50 each' she said 'mine was free, you pay £69.'

I think it totally changes things to have only one party paying for a day out.

Pagwatch : stating the fucking obvious since 1978

Nah Lougle. Not in my world. It wouldn't occur to me to be pissed off that a friend had a voucher and I had to pay (see previous post - I would have the gumption to clarify prior to booking).

In tithe instance you suggest, I'd just think "Righto. Cocktails on you!"

op YANBU

Firstly you were willing to pay for yourself so I can't understand why your friend sorted out the bill without you? (is that correct?)

It seems to me she had either a voucher for two (she said it was originally for two but she changed what it was for) or a BOGOF voucher, otherwise why wouldn't she let you pay for yourself while she payed with her voucher?

If it was me I would also share the voucher and both get a discount because the other person would be doing me a favor by joining me.

I have found with my friends who are better off than me that most seem to be quite tight fisted (maybe why they are better off) its not that I am jealous as some have suggested but when I always buy rounds/halve a bill not just work out my share/bring desserts(instead of wine I don't drink) and the other ppl never do this it wears thin after a while, its also usually done in a sneaky way.
As I've always been told by my mum
" its usually the people with nothing that would lend you their last pound"

I'd put this down to experience - it took me years to realise this, I will always buy a friend a drink. if it gets returned I'll continue, if it doesnt I make a mental note that when I'm with that person I just buy for myself and use seperate bills. That way you can remain friends without money getting in the way.

I thought it was a bit suspicious that the friend had already seen to the payment, and the OP had to then pay her. When it came to paying the spa, I would have expected the friend to hand over the voucher, while the OP then pays what she owes the spa. This makes me think she had some kind of deal which she didn't want the OP to know about.

I'm with everlong. This is nuts. I got a spa voucher for my birthday. When I go if I go with a friend i'm not subbing them. I'd say upfront why I wanted to go to that particular spa but honestly it shouldn't matter to you how she paid or if age want upfront - you were always expecting to pay your way!

And I don't know how people can conclude it was a bogof, nowhere has the op said this. Her friend got the voucher as a gift. Those who think this woman is cheeky are quite mad...

I think people are concluding it was a BOGOF because otherwise there would be no reason for the friend to settle up and say 'you need to pay me for your part.'

If the voucher could have been used in isolation, then the friend would have handed her voucher over and left the OP to pay.

It does make a difference if there is a voucher. If the OP knew about it, fair enough, but otherwise it's like someone saying 'let's catch the bus to the cinema' when it makes it far more expensive than walking, then revealing that they have a bus pass, so it doesn't put them out of pocket at all.

I never expected her to pay! (Seriously how many times do I have to say that) but to be upfront about having the voucher and why she chose that location.
Anyway, I had a look at prices which I would never normally bother to do. An afternoon tea for two cost half what the four hour spa costs. The day we went it was buy one get one half price on four hour spa sessions. I paid full price. So there you are.

You agreed to go though, it doesn't matter what her reason was for choosing that place you could have said no.

You were perfectly happy about everything until you found out about the voucher. I really don't see what difference it made at all.

To to find out if I was being unreasonable about expecting my friend to have said she had a voucher regarding a spa she recommended before we paid. You think I'm being unreasonable which is fine-that's what the thread is for.

If that's what you wanted from the thread then, yes, YABU.

Why else would someone start a thread in Aibu? Don't worry Shandy I wasn't expecting you to pay for me to go to a spa.

Can no one else see that the friend USED the OP to reduce the cost to herself?

Everlong, its not like the friend had 'gift vouchers' that covered the cost of her spa day. The friend's discount was dependent on the OP paying full price. There was a benefit to two people going, and the friend did not disclose that benefit to the OP, she kept the value of the whole benefit to herself.

It is like me inviting you to the cinema on an orange wednesday, and expecting you to pay full price while I get in for free. I only get the benefit if I persuade you to come. I should share that with you.

It's not the same as if I suggest we go and do our shopping in Tesco and I happen to have a gift card for half of my shopping. In that scenario I would have had the benefit of my gift card whether you came to Tesco with me or not. I would not share that benefit.

YANBU, she should have declared up front that she had a voucher which entitled her to X and would you like to come along. But if she just said do you fancy going to XX Spa I would have assumed that you would both be paying the same and there was no incentive on her behalf to go there. I would have feel cheated re: the voucher.

Hang on a mo'. Have I got this straight?

She had a voucher for HALF the price of the Spa visit.

There was a 'buy one get one half price' offer on the day you went.

She told you that you had to pay FULL PRICE for yourself.

She therefore got the other HALF free? Which she wouldn't have got if she hadn't conned invited you?

Cheeky mare.

BUT - why on earth didn't you mention the BOGOHP thing in your OP? That changes her intentions from 'lovely day out with friend' to 'shafting friend'.

Apologies for random caps. I was trying to get it straight in my own head, not give everyone a headache.

Friend got the voucher as a gift.

Friend invited op to the spa, op agreed.

Friend paid her half with her gift and cash.

Op paid her half in cash.

Where is the unfairness? I really don't see it.

Nagoo, Lougle, I agree with you. To me, it's a real 'I'm alright, Jack' thing to do. I have 2 friends who pull stunts like this, and I always wonder how they don't feel just a wee bit guilty. It's like going to a restaurant with a pal (who suggested said restaurant), pal saying let's just pay for what we ordered - fair enough - only to produce a coupon for 20% off, which she then applies to her own bill.

Creepy individualism.

I didn't know it was buy one get one half price at the time and only found out because I looked up the price.
Disappointing but not entirely surprising. Still a lesson learned.