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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a little bit mean spirited

274 replies

TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:00

A friend asked me along to a spa day. Her and her husband are very well off (they work hard, don't begrudge them that at all) but have a bit of a reputation for being tight fisted (always last to the bar etc). It was quite expensive but I thought a nice treat. We came to pay and she said she'd cleared it already and I just owed her for mine as she had a voucher for hers. If it had been me I would have said up front I had a voucher and needed someone to go with and I would have shared the voucher. I didn't necessarily expect her to do that but I think she should have said something before booking. I can be over sensitive so I accept this might be the case here but this is a long line of similar situations. Not an earth shattering problem I know!

OP posts:
MonstersDontCry · 18/08/2013 17:18

If the voucher was a gift voucher then, YABU.

If it was a bogof voucher then YANBU.

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:18

Although saying that, I think we were on some sort of 2 for 1 deal with the treatments. It doesn't matter anyway. It's made my mind up.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/08/2013 17:19

If she had it as a gift it was fair enough she used it to pay for her day tbh

MissStrawberry · 18/08/2013 17:20

She hadn't cleared it all ready though had she? She had just paid for you without letting you just pay for yourself. I suspect she didn't want you there when she handed over the voucher.

If she had been bought the voucher as a gift then there was nothing wrong in her using that and you paying for yourself. If she could only use the voucher with someone else paying (ie the voucher wasn't one that she or someone else had paid for) then she should have paid half.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/08/2013 17:21

In fact I think you would be cheeky to expect half

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:27

Fanjo-I said in my original post I didn't expect her to offer me the voucher but I said it was what I would have done. I certainly would have said I had one. I never saw a receipt but was asked to pay £69 for four hours at a spa (which included tea and a croissant plus one 30 min treatment). I didn't mind paying for myself at all and would have paid for my friend if she was skint. I just don't like mean spirited behaviour-why not be up front about having a voucher and needing someone to go with?

OP posts:
ChippingInHopHopHop · 18/08/2013 17:28

If it was a BOGOFF then she is being incredibly rude, nasty & selfish and I wouldn't want to be friends with her.

However, not if she had a voucher as a gift already, but she should have said 'I have a voucher for x spa which I got for my birthday/leaving work/whatever, which I'd like to use. Would you like to come with me? I have looked on the website and it's £xx for the day' I wouldn't have expected her to share the voucher, but I think she should have been upfront about having it. I can't really explain why, it just feels underhanded not to mention it before going.

cakebar · 18/08/2013 17:31

Was it a gift voucher so someone had paid for it or was it a BOGOF? A BOGOF should be shared, a gift voucher is none of your business.

TheYoniWayIsUp · 18/08/2013 17:32

You sure the voucher only covered her? I would be suspicious that the voucher covered the two of you and she was actually gaining money from you!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/08/2013 17:34

I personally just don't think it's a big deal.

Bowlersarm · 18/08/2013 17:34

But OP you accepted her invitation to go, and went along quite happily to enjoy your day together.

It's only afterwards when she didn't pay in the normal way that you have become cross about it.

I don't see that it should change anything really.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/08/2013 17:35

(This is indeed AIBU)

Turniptwirl · 18/08/2013 17:38

It is cheeky, especially since she didn't make it clear up front.

MissStrawberry · 18/08/2013 17:38

£69 for a cup of tea, a croissant and one treatment? Bloody hell. What on Earth did you do for 4 hours?

MissStrawberry · 18/08/2013 17:39

Yes, if she took cash from you to replace none she paid out I would be livid.

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:40

I guess I could be making a mountain out if it. It's context though...all the I haven't got my purse would you mind..? etc. opinions taken on board. I could still probably do without this person in my life so I don't have to go again. I don't know what the total bill was as I never saw it.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/08/2013 17:42

Yes sounds like it was the last straw

Pagwatch · 18/08/2013 17:45

It sounds as though it was presented to you as a treat and you fel wrong footed.
Did you spend all the time being enthusiastic and faintly grateful and now you feel a bit foolish because you were not really being treated at all?

Dackyduddles · 18/08/2013 17:45

Any voucher should have been declared before you both went. End of.

Dtb - dump the bitch!

Original poster
TeaAndABiscuit · 18/08/2013 17:45

You had use of spa facilities for the rest of the time. If I had known what it entailed I wouldn't have spent that on it.

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 18/08/2013 17:45

Prices are on line, she said.

gamerchick · 18/08/2013 17:47

People can only free load for so long before you get sick. I've had friends like this and as time goes on they take you for granted and end up really taking the piss.

It sounds as if you're at that point.

cranverry · 18/08/2013 17:47

I'm not sure about this particular day because its not clear whether the voucher was a gift or whether she had a coupon type thing which would reduce the price or offer 2 for 1 on the spa.
However YANBU to withdraw from the friendship. The continually accepting free drinks off of friends without offering to buy a round would be enough for me to stop seeing them.

Pagwatch · 18/08/2013 17:48

Who said ?

microserf · 18/08/2013 17:49

I think this is outrageous. I would always mention the voucher before asking you to go, and split the value of it. Cheeky mare. Personally I don't think she sounds like someone who will be a great friend to you, just like one of life's users!