to think life is a HUNDRED times more difficult when you're POOR

[poorandworriedmum]

NC so i can have a good moan.

It's only summer and im already dreading winter. I can't afford Christmas, cant afford winter coats for DCs, or good enough boots, cant afford heating costs, cant afford bus fares to spare DCs havung to trudge everywhere in all weathers, cant afford to make hearty meals to keep us warm. Sick of living in a damp, mouldy cold cramped old flat that never gets warm, sick of paying rent for such a slum that makes DCs ill, sick of looking at our shabby things & seeing how few books and toys We can affrod to give our kids, sick of looking through a window that gets no light because the landlords tree presses against the glass and we arent allowed to touch it, sick of saying 'no sorry sweetheart we cant afford that' when they're not asking for a trip to Disneyland they're asking to ride ten miles on the bus to the free gallery for gods sake. Sick of the way small debts follow you for years, sick of feeling unable to support my two kids, sick of never ever ever having treats like a fish supper or a hot chocolate in a cafe. Sick of dreading letters home from school wanting two or three pounds for this or that because we are so chronically bones of our arse poor that we never have that spare. Wish I could treat my kids some times. My DD is 6 and sees the ads for Build A Bear Workshop and her eyes light up and I wish I could take her just once and leg her choose what ahe wants. My DS wants to go to a circus. Its beyond us to provide anything extra or special for them ever and I am so fucking sick of living hand to mouth. How much of a different life my kids could have if we werent spending all our income and then some keeping alive.

DH and I work four PT jobs between us, theyre all shit nd badly paid and we're both knackered (and my cleaning jobs have given me a prolapsed womb and bad back) and hardly see each other and what is the point when we cant even give our kids a pleasant chidhood?

Fuckisng sick of being second class citizen.

Yanbu. Please can you also tell my mil that Dhs brother and his wife are actually not "on the breadline", as she asserts frequently?
I hope things change for you soon.

That sounds completely bloody awful. I wish I knew a solution for you.

Where do you live op? If your Manchester I know some solutions and would love to treat you And your kids to a hot choc in cafe

YANBU.

Money doesn't buy you happiness, but it can make life a little easier.

Hope things improve for you.

Yanbu. For a long time when we were kids we could only put the heating on in the kitchen so we all had to sit there under blankets, being so cold in the morning you could see your breath and getting dressed under the covers.
I remember it, but it's not all I remember, iykwim? We did lots if free days out because we didn't have money for things, we had customised clothes to disguise hand me downs, we read books because we couldn't afford to fix the tv when it broke. We were happy, and I bet your kids are too op.
How old are your kids op? Girls or boys?

I am so sorry you are in this situation.

There was a programme on the radio earlier this evening. I was gobsmacked when this so called expert claimed that how much money a person had did not affect their happiness. He actually tried to argue that a CEO with a salary of £4 million a year was less happy than a single mother living on benefits in a 1 bed flat. I was so
I laughed out loud and thought "Well you would say that cos you have money, don't you".
I agree that money alone does not make you happy, but being poor sucks the life out of a person.

Your post brought tears to my eyes, I really feel for you and things sound very tough for you all.

How old is your son? I have some good quality boys stuff my two have grown out of, plus some toys. I'd be happy to send them to you if you'll accept.

Chin up.

Where about are you and how old are your children. I've just sorted two boxes of clothes, toys and books to give away, you're welcome to them if you want them?

It's extra hard for those with the least income- pre-paid meters mean they pay more for utilities. Banks won't lend, so they can't get reasonable loan rates, let alone mortgages. Employers look down their noses at some postcodes- I know people who chuck CVs straight in the bin from various postcodes. 0 hours contract are more common at the bottom end of the payscale, as are split shifts, which are crippling when you're on public transport.

I could go on.

Most children ask for things they can't have, though. It's okay to say 'no' to them.

Some charities give out clothing to families in need- have you tried contacting your nearest Family Support Team? (I know charities in my area, but obviously you could be anywhere!)

Omg I feel so sad to read this And had to post. You are not a second class citizen. You are a mummy who means the world to your children. Please just love your kids as you do, it is true to say it costs nothing. Hug them and love them with all your might.
Yanbu, it is so much harder when poor and things sound so awful for you, but just love them.
I was once a teacher who taught unloved children who had everything (nannies, childminders, toys, holidays) but not their parents' (who were rich beyond compare) time and love and attention. They were such sad, lost little children.
Sorry I'm waffling just didn't want to leave unanswered.

Dd is 6, DS is 5. We live in rural Norfolk.

DD burst into tears the other day and said 'I dont want to grow up and work and work and work and work!' because thats how I've made the world look - hard and difficult smd unrewarding. If only I could be showing her a gentle, civilised life, not this grind we live.

YANBU but don't lose hope. There must be a way to try to turn things around, you just have to work out what it is. Good luck.

Yanbu. I grew up poor, I saw my mum really struggle. I'm not poor now and can see how very hard life is for people with not enough money to make ends meet.

The respect I have for my mum is immeasurable.

X

Yanbu.

Thankyou for offers of help, thats really kind.

What would really help and what I meant to say when I started the thread is, I'm not the only one am I? I feel like I'm living a paralel life to all the posters who have naice homes and softplay dilemmas and holiday choices. Is there anyone else on her who's a bloody pov like me and knows what im talking about??

if theres a way to 'turn things around' I haven't worked out what it is all the nights I've lain awake unable to sleep for worrying about bills!

Yes to your question of whether life is more difficult without enough money for essentials especially when you describe what that actually translates into for you and your family. Money gives you choices and opportunities.

I honestly don't know what I can say that will be anywhere near adequate to be of help. Only to say, situations can change for the better, it doesn't have to stay fixed in the current situation, but you clearly need to get some support of some description so that you don't lose hope.

Keep talking on MN if it helps, there are people here you can turn to and if you need practical help, I guess its down to you to express that need. IME there are some awesome people who can help with most things!

Stay strong xxx

I was going to.say similar to Good mum . I'm a teacher and can assure you that the loved kids stand out more/better than the rich ones. You sound lovely and i bet your kids appreciate (or will come to appreciate) everything you do for them.

Whereabouts are you? It's no long term help but I would happily treat you and your kids to a hot chocolate and some books (or whatever else is most wanted/needed)

YANBU

thismouse I think once you have enough money for a basic living standard then extra money doesn't have a great impact on level of happiness. The sad thing is the OP and many others don't have enough for a basic lifestyle.

Op I know how you feel, I'm sick of being a second class citizen too.

I feel for you. It's so unfair. When I feel that way, I take huge comfort from my baby boy. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not trying to sound trite, because I know how bloody hideous it is without money. I wish I could help.

YANBU

True it isn't "everything" but it's not fun lying awake at night worrying and it casts a shadow over everyday life when you constantly feel insecure - especially with children.

Hope things improve for you. Unfortunately I can only offer sympathy as I know how you feel.

If it helps any, we didn't have money growing up and had a lovely childhood. The children don't have the exact same worries as you and are not as unhappy as you imagine they are.

Dsis and I didn't have a 'pleasent childhood' with Disneyland, Build a Bear, £1 mechanical rides at the supermarket. That has affected us bringing up our own dc, but in a good way. We know our parents loved us (they still do!) and though we resented not having nice clothes, now we are older we can understand why.
You are working yourselves silly but for a very good reason. Your children are safe and loved, nothing is more important in the long run.
Is there any help you can get - benefits, food, heating allowance? Bus passes?
I'm not in UK, but I'd love to send you some crayons and a pack of extra-thick hot chocolate powder

Can you or your DH retrain ?