to think life is a HUNDRED times more difficult when you're POOR

[poorandworriedmum]

NC so i can have a good moan.

It's only summer and im already dreading winter. I can't afford Christmas, cant afford winter coats for DCs, or good enough boots, cant afford heating costs, cant afford bus fares to spare DCs havung to trudge everywhere in all weathers, cant afford to make hearty meals to keep us warm. Sick of living in a damp, mouldy cold cramped old flat that never gets warm, sick of paying rent for such a slum that makes DCs ill, sick of looking at our shabby things & seeing how few books and toys We can affrod to give our kids, sick of looking through a window that gets no light because the landlords tree presses against the glass and we arent allowed to touch it, sick of saying 'no sorry sweetheart we cant afford that' when they're not asking for a trip to Disneyland they're asking to ride ten miles on the bus to the free gallery for gods sake. Sick of the way small debts follow you for years, sick of feeling unable to support my two kids, sick of never ever ever having treats like a fish supper or a hot chocolate in a cafe. Sick of dreading letters home from school wanting two or three pounds for this or that because we are so chronically bones of our arse poor that we never have that spare. Wish I could treat my kids some times. My DD is 6 and sees the ads for Build A Bear Workshop and her eyes light up and I wish I could take her just once and leg her choose what ahe wants. My DS wants to go to a circus. Its beyond us to provide anything extra or special for them ever and I am so fucking sick of living hand to mouth. How much of a different life my kids could have if we werent spending all our income and then some keeping alive.

DH and I work four PT jobs between us, theyre all shit nd badly paid and we're both knackered (and my cleaning jobs have given me a prolapsed womb and bad back) and hardly see each other and what is the point when we cant even give our kids a pleasant chidhood?

Fuckisng sick of being second class citizen.

Rant away. I am sorry to hear that you are having a horrible time. I hope things get better for you.

Poor and worried, it's shit isn't it, we have been there too, and for me it was all the millions of shitty little decisions you had to make about which things to sacrifice. Not big things like holidays, days out or even one chocolate bar v the other, but having to go without food for a day so I could afford tampons...or trying to decide if it was better to catch the bus, or save the money to buy some second hand shoes, but knowing by choosing to walk you were going to wear your shoes out more.

I know you don't want donations, but would you take a book? I found reading 'down and out in Paris and London' by George Orwell really helped me, as it had loads of discussion about similar decisions to that, and I felt like I wasn't the only person who had ever had to go through the scrimping and money juggling and trying to cover up how hard up we were. I have a spare copy that I'd LOVE to send you. PM me if your interested.

And you are not, not, NOT second class. Look at how hard you work, how much you endure just to get through each day. That sort of getting through in poverty makes you the most amazing type of person to me. Hang in there.

If we can't help each other then what is there? We are a community. I felt a glow today in the library when I saw a new mother looking at a MN book. More so because I live soooo very far from the uk.

For me, this is part of being on MN. Giving advice to one another and sharing our problems. I for one could have not got through the last five years without it and this week I am getting advice on how to get my dh a visa.

Poor you

I have no idea of the employment situation where you are but is there any way one of you could work full time? I've worked full time, four days and part time (17.5 hours per week). Without doubt, full time makes the best sense financially as part time jobs pay so badly and long term prospects are non-existent.

Only other advice I can offer is to keep an eye on Local Ebay, Freecycle and Recycle websites. I have got quite a few amazing freebies and bargains that way. Also, lots of great ideas on the plethora of frugal blogs out there.

It's tough but I wouldn't live in a completely rural area because of the issues you're facing.

Best of luck. x

I honestly can't imagine how you cope. I often buy my way out of tough times, practically or emotionally. Every time i do it i think how lucky i am to be able to do that. It's not just about treats it's about life just not being bloody hard. I have so much respect for you and wish the world was fairer. Good luck.

YANBU. The last week of every month I am in exactly your position. I am a cleaner too. It is a physically exhausting job and it is relentless. At the weekend the buses don't run early enough so I walk 6 miles to work. It's too much

I had another idea. If you have spare time at night you could take up entering competitions as a hobby. I go through periods of being fed up with on line forums and enter competitions instead while I'm watching TV. If you go onto the money saving expert forums there's a whole section on competitions with links for entering legitimate ones (no time share rubbish!). It's a great community full of advice. If you only have Internet access via your phone and don't want to plough through websites there's always loads via email Facebook and twitter.

If I spend an hour a day entering I usually win something once every two weeks or so. As I said, I do it while watching TV so I'm not really trying to find extra time in the day to do it though you'll find people on the forum who pretty much do it full time!! I've won everything from books to gift certificates to concert tickets. It's a great way to get some extras for your kids without spending any money- especially in time for Christmas!

'Then there is the well meaning advice about finding a better paid job (why didn't I think of that hmm) or retraining. Retraining is so simple to fit in around all the minimum wage crap jobs and doesn't cost a penny after all.'

Actually there's lots of free government funded training around. The only way to get out of the poverty cycle is to get a better paid job (or win the lottery or turn to crime) and for most better paid jobs, you need a skill or education. If you can think of a better way, then please tell the rest of us so we can do the same!

I do hope we haven't scared the OP away with offers of help. It was the lack of money to buy winter coats which prompted me to offer and I do stand by that.

I definitely would advise the OP to keep an eye on the product testing board for MN. We've managed to get in on a few and won in one of the drawings for another (a Nintendo 3DS which we gave to our DS for Christmas -there is no way we'd have been able to purchase it!). You never know when you might get lucky - so any testing you could possibly do or anything that has a draw - take part and keep your fingers crossed!

Actually there's lots of free government funded training around. The only way to get out of the poverty cycle is to get a better paid job (or win the lottery or turn to crime) and for most better paid jobs, you need a skill or education.

While this is true, at the same time, you have to be able to GET to the training, which can be very difficult in a rural area. And if they are not able to make ends meet now, free training is nice, but then they most likely are not going to be able to take a hit in income while they are going through the training.

There will be a way and OP will have to find it to get out of the cycle. No one's saying it's easy - maybe it will mean moving to a more urban area or studying at weekends or whatever it takes.

Please don't think the offers of help are pity. People always pass on things their kids outgrow, normally to friends and family, but why not someone from an online community instead? You can then pass them on again when your kids outgrow them. I think accepting some help would really ease your mind especially about Xmas

Libraries are fab if you have one near enough to walk to, or combine with another trip to supermarket, school, etc. free books! And may run free activities like story time or readjng challenges for the kids.

Speak to the school to see if you can get help with the trips and odd bits they keep wanting money for. Yes, this will be difficult for you, but its to give your kids opportunities do worth swallowing your pride for.

Make sure you claim all the benefits you're entitled to.

OP, we are in a very similar position. The place we rented was cold, dark and damp. Is there any local authority / housing association property near you?it is worth at least being on the list. It doesn't fix everything, but certainly helps and gives a little more security. If you get on the list, and then ask your landlord to cut his tree back, you wouldn't have to worry about him giving you notice or anything as it would just push you up the list and you would be better off anyway. It annoys me that some landlords take advantage like this and make your life harder.
A small thing we do that helps is using top cash back when we change utilities etc which is just one of the things we got from the MSE forum mentioned by a PP. there are great budgeting threads, and ways to make the pennies go further. See if any of the forums there can help you.
I know how you feel OP, and if you want to PM for a chat, please do.

It is so sad to read all this. :(

I have never been well off - there were some tough times (or what I thought of tough!) in my childhood but we always had food and a roof over our heads.

This is modern Britain. So sad in a way to know that there are people out there who do without to make sure that their child has the very basics. Heart warming too to see so many willing to help others.

Makes me wonder about all the child sponsorship programmes abroad. I know that they are needy but there is there a similar sponsorship / gift programme for those UK children who don't have food or decent clothes?

Magic Breakfast is a good cause IMO. We don't have much ourselves but it's doable and so needed. Decent food, too.

That is it - I don't have a lot but I have more than some.

No one's saying it's easy - maybe it will mean moving to a more urban area or studying at weekends or whatever it takes..

You just don't get it, do you??? I will refer you to expat's response, as it pretty much says it all.

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expatinscotland Sun 18-Aug-13 10:05:35
Rural poverty sucks, especially as there's usually not boot sales, Aldi, good charity shops in walking distance and public transport is very limited and/or expensive.

The whole 'just move' thing.

About people with no or low credit scores (hard

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About people with no or low credit scores (hard for poor to access credit), no guarantor and who need full or partial housing benefit. And have no money or means to save for moving costs.

'Just move' then. hmm
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OP it puts my problems into perspective. I'm always moaning about my uni debts and the fact we need to save 25-30k before we can buy a house of our own. I thought we had it bad, but we don't.

Please PM me I've got a 7yo girl and some things I could send to you.

OK, just do nothing and accept the situation. Is that better advice then?

Nobody said do nothing. But I think it's not horribly helpful to just say "well, you'll just have to find a way to move" and think it's just as easy as that. But then, if you had read the thread, this has already been explained numerous times.