to think life is a HUNDRED times more difficult when you're POOR

[poorandworriedmum]

NC so i can have a good moan.

It's only summer and im already dreading winter. I can't afford Christmas, cant afford winter coats for DCs, or good enough boots, cant afford heating costs, cant afford bus fares to spare DCs havung to trudge everywhere in all weathers, cant afford to make hearty meals to keep us warm. Sick of living in a damp, mouldy cold cramped old flat that never gets warm, sick of paying rent for such a slum that makes DCs ill, sick of looking at our shabby things & seeing how few books and toys We can affrod to give our kids, sick of looking through a window that gets no light because the landlords tree presses against the glass and we arent allowed to touch it, sick of saying 'no sorry sweetheart we cant afford that' when they're not asking for a trip to Disneyland they're asking to ride ten miles on the bus to the free gallery for gods sake. Sick of the way small debts follow you for years, sick of feeling unable to support my two kids, sick of never ever ever having treats like a fish supper or a hot chocolate in a cafe. Sick of dreading letters home from school wanting two or three pounds for this or that because we are so chronically bones of our arse poor that we never have that spare. Wish I could treat my kids some times. My DD is 6 and sees the ads for Build A Bear Workshop and her eyes light up and I wish I could take her just once and leg her choose what ahe wants. My DS wants to go to a circus. Its beyond us to provide anything extra or special for them ever and I am so fucking sick of living hand to mouth. How much of a different life my kids could have if we werent spending all our income and then some keeping alive.

DH and I work four PT jobs between us, theyre all shit nd badly paid and we're both knackered (and my cleaning jobs have given me a prolapsed womb and bad back) and hardly see each other and what is the point when we cant even give our kids a pleasant chidhood?

Fuckisng sick of being second class citizen.

Dear poor if you were near me I would help, sadly I'm not.

I'm sure others will though.

This is such a terrible society we live in, its unbelievable.

I was in this position all of last year and whilst we have had a brief period of having just enough £ to make ends meet this summer, I am worried we will be plunged back into it this winter. It's so fucking grinding isn't it?

Having loads of money doesn't buy you happiness, but NOT having enough for the 'basics' has a huge negative impact I think.

Chin up OP, hopefully things will get better for you.

Being poor makes everything so much harder and more expensive. And the working poor have things so much worse as they don't even have the time to treck around to markets or whatever for cheap food.

Youve all made me cry. Thanks for listening to me ranting. Feeling lighter already.

I wont accept kind offers of things sent as DH would die of shame to have pity packages arriving iykwim, but i do apprecaite the thought so thanks.

I just needed to rant about bloody boring cold endless poverty. The bastard!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I have been poor but it was before DC. I think it's easier when you don't have kids and I really feel for what you're going through. My DS is 7 and I have some good quality clothes that I am giving away. Happy to send them and pay postage if you will accept?

Gosh that sounds hard - yes money does not buy happiness but not having enough would cause you to be unhappy. Kids don't notice 2nd hand clothes - but occasion treats are nice I agree. (And i always tell my dc that stuff like build a bear is too expensive...kids ask for stuff all the time). Could either you or your dh get a better paid job - is there any way out?

I think everyone on here including me, wants to send you some little treats, PAWMum your postie will have a nice job lol !!

[teddies] [choccies]

Hello

So sorry to read about your situation, OP.

As many of you will know, it's our policy to post this on any thread where there are mentions of donations:

We do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks
MNHQ

YANBU, I have been short but never truly gone without and it frightens me what could be. I have no advice but hope things turn around for you somehow.

And no, you are most definitely not a second class citizen, please don't spend energy thinking that.
Last winter a little girl about 9 got on the bus with no coat, a boy's jumper and holes in her shoes. I found myself standing between her and the awful stares off some people, fucking idiots. If there'd been some way of sneaking a pair of shoes and a duffle coat into her backpack, I would have done. It broke my heart - but she was such a happy wee soul, showing me the project she was doing for school that her DF had helped her with.

I think I might have an old 5-6 winter coat (it's one of those padded anorak coats), but would need to check I still have it. I'd also be happy to send something you needed if it might lessen the burden even slightly.

I don't want donations thanks just to know I'm not alone.

Money doesn't buy you happiness, but it can make life a little easier.

Money does buy happiness, it buys you choices and freedom which it is very difficult to be happy without.

No matter how wonderful your family and friends are you can't be truly happy when you are constantly worried about how you can feed and clothe them.

Wages in this country are shit, just shit. But nothing is ever going to happen because there isn't a single political party that cares about the working poor, despite the fact we make up a huge percentage of the population.

Yanbu at all.

I know you say you don't want anything but I am in Norfolk and have amongst other things a big boxy of tomy/tomica train track and road track. It was a gift that doesn't get played with as mine use wooden train track, also have a wall tracks hot wheels set unopened in box. Do pm me you can put the hot wheels away for Xmas? Xx and if you ever want to meet up somewhere or come round for tea and cake my lot are always up for new playmates!

I have five 13, 11, 8, 5 all boys and dd age two :) so its a bit of a mad house but always fun.

Moan as much as you like, that certainly is free.

I'm sure you are clued up (and you don't have to answer) but you are getting all your benefits aren't you? I had a friend who struggled for years because she didn't think people who worked were entitled to any benefits, she didn't claim child tax credit or anything.

We are OK now but DH is selfemployed and it could all go if he loses a couple of clients. Don't be ashamed, a person's value is NOT in the things they own or their lifestyle. Hope the new school year brings you some breaks.

Yes it is. Much more difficult and soul draining than anyone who hasn't been in this position could imagine. Your post hurts and opens old wounds. It is disheartening, poverty.
It is not pity that I feel. It's empathy. I am here if you need me.

Op, I know you have said that you wouldn't accept parcels because of your DH, but could you not say that you had bought a few items of clothing etc off eBay cheaply? Sometimes you can get kids coats literally for pence so it wouldn't be a massive lie?

I really don't want to think of people's DCs being chilly this winter when there seem to be lots of posters, myself included, with perfectly good coats/ jumpers etc sitting around in cupboards.

I know that fibbing to your partner may be something you don't want to do but just a suggestion, ignore if you want.
I do hope things get better for you soon x

I'm quite certain you're not alone judging by some of the threads of late.

Our kettle is leaking atm and it does wear me out a bit that we have to discuss when we can replace it and who we might know with a spare rather than just nipping out and getting one like I imagine most of my friends would do.

I look forward to the day when a bloody kettle isn't worthy of such lengthy consultation!

Oh yes, I meant to add that judging by other threads on here you are very much not alone x

Great idea from Pat.

Hi just want to say you are def not alone, we were young when we had our family, and it was very hard, my poor dh cried once because we couldn't even afford an ice cream from the van for our ds,he broke his heart over an ice cream.we were desperately poor, but things do get easier as the dcs get older, i am so sorry about your situation, and I really hope things improve, I used to tell the dcs we may not have much, but we have each other and some people have nobody.I used to feel better just saying it aloud.

YANBU op...being skint is shit. I might be being patronising (and don't intend to be), but have you had a benefit entitlement check? For the first year of dd1's life, ex-h, D's, dd1 & I had £65 left a week for food, gas and electric, clothes, bus fares etc after paying rent, council tax and other bills. We could have claimed housing benefit for the whole time, but didn't think people who worked could claim

Also, don't let pride stop you from accepting health...I would have refused donated Christmas presents (local radio collect new toys, and HV nominated DC for a gift as she must have realised how skint we were) if HV hadn't got a bit cross with me. I'm a school governor now, and know our school has a limited pot for helping with cost of trips etc when families are struggling. It's not shameful (particularly in these shit times) to accept help.

Do keep posting, there are lots of lovely people who will offer a boost and some kind words.

Yes, good idea from Pat.

YANBU. Grew up fairly poor ( parents owned home but no extra money for treats/trips) and it was hard.