to think life is a HUNDRED times more difficult when you're POOR

[poorandworriedmum]

NC so i can have a good moan.

It's only summer and im already dreading winter. I can't afford Christmas, cant afford winter coats for DCs, or good enough boots, cant afford heating costs, cant afford bus fares to spare DCs havung to trudge everywhere in all weathers, cant afford to make hearty meals to keep us warm. Sick of living in a damp, mouldy cold cramped old flat that never gets warm, sick of paying rent for such a slum that makes DCs ill, sick of looking at our shabby things & seeing how few books and toys We can affrod to give our kids, sick of looking through a window that gets no light because the landlords tree presses against the glass and we arent allowed to touch it, sick of saying 'no sorry sweetheart we cant afford that' when they're not asking for a trip to Disneyland they're asking to ride ten miles on the bus to the free gallery for gods sake. Sick of the way small debts follow you for years, sick of feeling unable to support my two kids, sick of never ever ever having treats like a fish supper or a hot chocolate in a cafe. Sick of dreading letters home from school wanting two or three pounds for this or that because we are so chronically bones of our arse poor that we never have that spare. Wish I could treat my kids some times. My DD is 6 and sees the ads for Build A Bear Workshop and her eyes light up and I wish I could take her just once and leg her choose what ahe wants. My DS wants to go to a circus. Its beyond us to provide anything extra or special for them ever and I am so fucking sick of living hand to mouth. How much of a different life my kids could have if we werent spending all our income and then some keeping alive.

DH and I work four PT jobs between us, theyre all shit nd badly paid and we're both knackered (and my cleaning jobs have given me a prolapsed womb and bad back) and hardly see each other and what is the point when we cant even give our kids a pleasant chidhood?

Fuckisng sick of being second class citizen.

Poor you OP, sounds rreally grim esp with colder weather on its way.
In terms of the DCs, have you looked at Netmum/charity shops/ebay for warm coats? I do think that warm outer clothing makes the winter much less miserable....

May I also recommend being very willing to complain about any issues in shops...when ex-h left, I did a lot of my Christmas shopping for DC and food, with gift vouchers I'd been given as 'goodwill gestures' after complaining about poor service, dirty toilets, staff with dirty fingernails, long queues at the checkout. I was not chuffed if my shopping experience was good

Money does buy happiness, it buys you choices and freedom which it is very difficult to be happy without.

Money buying you those choices and freedom does not equate to happiness though. Being financially secure is very different to being emotionally secure; the former might help towards the latter, but it will never replace it.

There's no disputing the fact that, up to a certain point at least, money makes life a lot easier and reduces stress - beyond a certain point it brings a whole different set of problems though!

OP....are you getting everything you should in the way of tax credits etc for you & the kids?

Sorry if you've tried everything.

Please don't think of help as pity packages, we all like to pass on coats /toys etc to friends when our kids have outgrown them, makes sense, call oigt recycling!!

Also a firm believer in what goes around comes around, it's bloody hard for loads of us at the moment, I totally get what you mean about saying no all the time to the kids.

My eldest is off to Uni soon & I'm already scrounging stuff off family as I can't afford new for her, breaks my heart.

Don't be afraid to ask the school for help, there are sometimes small pots of money for lots of stuff that doesn't get advertised but they can allocate to help.

it's shit, rant away

I don't know about tax credits etc personally but it might be worth checking you are getting everything you are entittled to, help with childcare etc?

god you are not alone. there are hundreds of thousands, probably millions like you. as others have said, being skint is shit, and money buys you choice, freedom, a moment to catch your breath and relax. i f*cking hate this workhouse mentality that is being touted at the moment, as if all anybody has to do is 'work really hard' and they too can escape the poverty line. it's nigh on impossible with low wages, increasing outgoings, decreasing benefits. when you don't have a safety net life becomes really wearing.

i'm so sorry thing are hard for you all at the moment, you sound lovely. i'm not near you sadly, but where i live there's a 'remakery' movement focussing on reusing and recycling, lots of people with eco interests. but the point is there's lots of activities to get involved in that are free, fun, part of a community, deliberately trying to avoid commercialised tat etc and often throw in lunch if you help out. anything like that near you?

YANBU

And make the most of any local libraries, we have a local toy lending one, think it's through surestart, just depends on your area. Make the most of any help on offer, try to see it as doing the best for your children rather than accepting handouts. Libraries are generally warm too if you need a break from home now and then.

I'm another one that would happily send you a package for your kids. It's not shameful to accept help, many of us have been there.

I have a 7yo DD so have plenty of things I could send for your DD, that could be something for Christmas. E.g. Unopened art set, that was a gift that she received 2 of for her birthday. It would be no trouble at all. PM me your address and I'll post it off. Go on!

It really is just recycling. I'll just give things to somebody else otherwise. If you want to PM your address I will gladly send a package, too.

OP YANBU, it's tough.

My mum struggled financially was I was a child, I remember the stigma of free school meals and second hand clothes. When I was late teens/early twenties, I was so determined not to have ANYTHING second hand that I got myself into a lot of debt to have nice things, and so here I am struggling to pay it all back now.

YABU, its at least 1000 times more difficult And its so fucking shit shit shit.

Agree with Elsiequadrille, it is just recycling. I have some brand new clothes that DD has never worn and is now grown out of. If you PM your address I'll gladly do up a package.

Please PM me your address. I'm happy to send your dcs some clothes. Or something to make them happier.

Please don't be a fake!

YANBU. And you are not alone, I promise! Your post made me a bit teary. We are not quite as skint as it sounds you are. We live very close to the edge though. We are very lucky my mum and my MIL often give us small to large amounts to help out. My dh works as much overtime as he can take to support the five of us. One of the things hurting me most is my 14 year old daughter working 15-20 hours this summer so she can pay for the things she needs to do her sport. Most of her friends have been swimming and playing all summer. I am ashamed I cannot provide extra for my children. You are in my thoughts, poorandworriedmum.

YANBU. A lot of people are in your situation whilst I can't say I have been, there is research to say that 8 million people in the UK are only 1 paycheck away from homelessness.

Please do not feel like you are a second class citizen. You sound like a brilliant mum and from what you have described you and your DH doing the best you can in a immensely difficult situation.

Try contacting Christians Against Poverty, they are an award winning debt counselling charity and they're not just for Christians. Money saving expert is always recommending them. Will definitely be able to help with any debt collectors etc, and often arrange little treats for families like coffee out, or some food shopping etc. Might be able to help you with budgeting as well. Hope things improve for you soon

YANBU. I am completely skint and find it very stressful and I don't even have kids to worry about. Sounds like you're doing a great job OP.

FWIW I grew up in a family with very little money and I really didn't feel like I suffered unduly. Your kids are loved and cherished and that's what they'll remember.

Your h is being unreasonable if he won't accept the kind offers of good quality second hand clothes for your kids and toys as well. .which means you can then spend money on treats.

Please tell him people like to pass clothes on to people they know will appreciate it.

OP I have pm'd you

You need to lie to your DH. You do cleaning jobs? Say boss was chucking stuff out and asked did you want it.

It's very hard, very.

Do you have any hope of getting a council/HA place?

Oh OP

Four years ago I could of written your post, I was a single mum to DS, XH had left and cleared out the bank account on pay day, leaving me without a penny for a month, and i got a month behind with my bills, i applied for a crisis loan but was turned down. It was January, I couldn't afford flooring in my flat so I had concrete floors everywhere. I had written off my car in a crash from sheer exhaustion as I worked 60/70 hour weeks for minimum wage, I had to walk everywhere in the rain/snow/wind as couldn't even afford the bus let alone replace my car, it was an hour and 15 mins walk from home - DS nursery - work. . I couldnt afford a coat or winter shoes. The only thing I ate was the free meal I got at work just so I had money to buy DS everything he needed, luckily he was only one so I didn't have the 'I want....' I stupidly took out pay day loans, which messed me up awfully. I was only 19 but felt 80.

It's frustrating, draining, exhausting, lonely and the most stressful thing I have ever gone through. It nearly broke me. For 2 years I was near breaking point, I couldn't think straight, eat or sleep. The guilt was unbearable, I cried all the time when I was alone. The shame are away at me and I felt like I had a big flashing badge saying POOR PERSON!!!! I was so ashamed.

Slowly it's got better, and thank god I am on the right track now through a combination of luck, an unexpected new job and XH finally giving me child support for the first time this year, only 4 years late but at least he's sticking to it now.

It's shit, utter shit, but keep talking about it, because that helps, I wish id known about MN then.

Chin up, it can and will get better, you are doing a good job, your kids love you xx

I was brought up in a family of 6 without much soare change for treats & I know what it is like. My parents business went bust during the 80's recession and for 10 years life was tough.

I know that you don't want hand outs so I'll give you a few practical tips & there are organisations out there to help. Please let them help you so that you can stay fit & well for your kids. Being poor is crap but being poor and sick is shit especially if you have kids.

• Speak to Citizens advice bureau to find out if you are getting everything you are entitled to. Tax credits etc.

• Speak to CAB about your housing; if you are renting then your kandlord has to maintain it at a certain level. If you are privately renting, can you move or register with a HA? Speak to them & find out.

• Jobs - register with a local temping agency (Brook Street are good) and see what they can offer you. Don't give up your cleaning job until you find something to replace it with.
  I don't know what your current jobs are but look at the job pages of your local college/ university. They need everyone from cooks, cleaners, lecturers to accountants. Most will be advertising now for the nee term either directly or through a temp agency like Brook Street.

Retailers will be advertising for their Christmas jobs soon so keep an eye out for those.

• Sign up to your local library for books, music, DVDs, & free access to the internet to help your job search. They are a brilliant source of local information.

*Find out if there is a Local toy library & sign up

• Salvation army are brilliant at offering support to needy families. They run a campaign a Christmas gift appeal & ask shoppers to donate a new toy for a child. Get in touch with them.

You are not being entitled & asking for a handout but your job isn't allowing you to make a decent living so you need help. There is no shame in that as we all need a bit of help occasionally.

I have copied this from another thread but it is a link for more affordable school shoes. Sports direct seems to be more realistic in price than clarks.
Checkout Woolworths online aswell.

www.sportsdirect.com/prope
ller-bart-back-to-school-junior-shoes-093009

Also check out nearly new sales especially in more affluent areas as you can pick up some brilliant bargains.