to go over mil's head to give sil advice?

[CuteFeet]

Sil had her first baby yesterday. She's having some problems breastfeeding and is quite young and inexperienced. Her mum had several children, some of whom she breastfed and so on the surface is encouraging of breastfeeding. However obviously her own experience was a long time ago. I'm still feeding my toddler who mil thinks is overly clingy and she blames breastfeeding for that and I think, hopefully inadvertently, she may be discouraging her daughter from breastfeeding to prevent this with new grandchild. She keeps telling her that feeding method is irrelevant as long as baby is happy, she gave baby a bottle when sil was sleeping the first night, she had bought the bottles and they're a fast flow teat which obviously won't help breastfeeding etc. I've breastfed all my kids and worked as a peer supporter, I know how fab breastfeeding can be and know sil really wanted to do it - AIBU to go over mil's head and offer completely contradictory advice to sil?

I said send a casual text which you've done but it sounds like sil is coming up against If Is this your dh's sister? Could he offer to put her in touch in someone who could help that you know?

It may be that she doesn't feel comfortable you seeing/helping for wwhatever reason but a stranger may be a better option.

If she doesn't take him up on the offer then I'd say she's happy topping up/giving formula.

I was so frustrated with bf I begged the male hca who came to massage mucus out of ds1 and used to take him to the special care unit to help me. Totally out of my character but I was desperate!! To his credit he really did try, in real life I'd be mortified by a male stranger manhandling my boobs!!

only just caught up with this, and I bloody well hope that all the people who said 'oh, leave the poor woman alone' are feeling bloody ashamed of themselves. MIL is sabotaging (intentionally or otherwise) SIL's attempts to bf (and it sounds like she really wants it to work). The OP is needed, absolutely no question about it.

OP, is there no way you can get to SIL any earlier than you originally thought? It does sounds like it could be too late.

Did SIL go to any bfing workshops pre-baby? I'm sure at either the NCT or NHS (or probably both) ones I went to we were told that the size of both baby and boob made no difference to bfing success. FWIW I fed tiny DD with mahoosive bosoms and whilst it was hard (small, weak baby and big, sift boobs aren't a great combo) it did get easier as she got bigger and stronger, I just had to get cushions in the right place and not bother to feed in bed but sit on the sofa for all feeds, god I wish I'd had a feeding chair, one of those lovely glider ones.

Best of luck to your SIL, OP.

what's a sift boob when it's at home, hmm? Soft boobs.

What a shame she is heeding only advice from one person. A bf clinic/group would be. Million times more useful. It's a rare person who manages to bf exclusively through expressed milk.

Could you suggest she goes on the feeding boards here, even?

That's a helluvalot of milk for a 2 day old baby isn't it?!

That is sad cute, why not telephone her and have a quick chat. Unfortunately you can't do anything if she does not want your help

Sadly I was one of those stats with my 1st. I was keen to breastfeed but was told I was starving dd in hospital. I was bullied into giving formula by a midwife. Noone explained to me that I could do mixed feeding for a while. I still feel guilty 9 years later that I didn't perservere with breastfeeding.
I know that formula is a perfectly acceptable alternative and all my subsequent dc have had the odd bottle.
I didn't have anyone like you op to offer advive and support and didn't even have the internet.
Yes it is noticeable that certain people moaning about "breastapo" have gone quiet.

With dd1 I fully intended to breastfeed but she lost excess weight and I was told by the paediatrician to express then make up to a set amount with formula. I was using a hospital pump and couldn't even express 1oz your sil sounds like she should be fine with help and encouragement. Just say you know a few tricks to help if she would like and leave the ball in her court. I had a friend like you helping me shame my body let me down but she was brilliant.