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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 14/08/2013 19:54

Why did you need an invitation. If dh/dp's birthday I would just turn up, or say to mil, 'See you tomorrow.' Sounds like a misunderstanding on both sides.

FriskyHenderson · 14/08/2013 19:55

Did she invite your DH?

Icedink · 14/08/2013 19:55

That's really strange! Did you know about her plans beforehand? Maybe she thought she had invited you Confused

Lilacroses · 14/08/2013 19:55

What?? How bizarre?! What did she say about it? "I thought I'd told you" or "I forgot"?

AndHarry · 14/08/2013 19:56

Why would you need an invitation? Just go! Confused

libertine73 · 14/08/2013 19:56

what? so, DH didn't go?? Was there a big row or what? Hmm

runningonwillpower · 14/08/2013 19:56

Em, how did she ask your husband? Did she send a formal invitation?

Wouldn't she kind of assume that inviting him would include you?

Cos, that's how it works round here.

Sorry if I'm missing something.

momb · 14/08/2013 19:57

Did you know about it or were you kept in the dark?

Pimpf · 14/08/2013 19:57

Surely you are automatically invited

HenriettaPye · 14/08/2013 19:57

Maybe she just assumed you were coming?

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous · 14/08/2013 20:00

Yep. Invite to 1 means invite to all round here too. Dh, dd and I are a package deal (unless its an individual social occasion like a girls night or work do)

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 20:00

It was a surprise. Dh went to work as normal yesterday and his brother picked him up at lunchtime 'just' for a drink but it was actually a meal/party.

Dh just left as realised everybody had been told/invited except me and dcs!

I had spoken to mother in law the day before telling her what cake dcs had chosen etc she just didn't tell me at all I had no idea till afterwards when dh told me.

He said he will phone mil in a few days but is leaving it for now as she's quite angry.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 14/08/2013 20:02

Oh that's very weird!

Was it definitely intentional?

Sometimes people overlook the most obvious things, and this could be a case of that.

runningonwillpower · 14/08/2013 20:03

Sorry, got no advice. That's weird.

Glad your husband recognised the weirdness.

And I don't see why mother-in-law is angry. Oh, yes I do - she's weird.

libertine73 · 14/08/2013 20:03

she's angry?! How very fucking strange? Has she ever been like this before?

did DH leave under a cloud then? When he realised you weren't invited? I'm still a bit lost as to how this all happened TBH

AndHarry · 14/08/2013 20:03

Oh ok, that's a bit odd. Are you a SAHM or would it have meant taking the afternoon off work, DCs out of nursery etc.?

countrymummy13 · 14/08/2013 20:04

What?! I'm really confused - are you and DH separated??

If not, why would you need an invite? Presumably you knew when the party was? Why on earth would you think you weren't expected? How did MIL 'invite' DH?

Sounds like a serious case of paranoia on your part. Unless I'm completely missing the point?

Perhaps you could elaborate?

iklboo · 14/08/2013 20:04

Playing Devil's advocate - did she think another family member had told you about it and you were just 'playing along' when you spoke to her yesterday? Or did she point blank tell your DH she hadn't invited you when he turned up?

JaneFonda · 14/08/2013 20:04

How strange!

Did your DH ask her why you weren't there when he arrived?

pigletmania · 14/08/2013 20:04

Gosh that is unacceptable, good that he left you are his wife and you and your dc were not invited to his birthday

LumpySpace · 14/08/2013 20:04

Maybe she thought she'd already mentioned it to you? There could be a perfectly innocent explanation yet.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 14/08/2013 20:05

WHAT?! That is appalling then. Yanbu.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 20:05

I think it was intentional, dh doesn't really want to talk about it, he seems a bit upset so I can't really get to the bottom of it.

I'm just surprised given that I had spoken to her the day before and a couple of days before that and she did not make mention of it.

From what I can tell a lot of planning went into it, big cake ordered, family invited etc etc. Except us.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 14/08/2013 20:05

This does sound confusing.

Have situations like this happened before?

Lilacroses · 14/08/2013 20:06

That is absolutely bizarre! Can't imagine why someone would do that unless they were being spiteful or thought you couldn't come. Even so, if that was the case they would ask you first and then tell you about it so you were in the know.