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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 14/08/2013 20:07

That's really odd. I'm not surprised he is upset.

countrymummy13 · 14/08/2013 20:08

Oh my God that's awful!! (posts crossed over)

That does sound very very odd.

It must be a senile moment error, surely??

So did DH just walk out without saying 'is DW and DCs coming?'... was there no discussion / explanation?

SPBisResisting · 14/08/2013 20:08

How odd.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 14/08/2013 20:09

That is deeply weird

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 20:09

Dh didn't really speak much yesterday (his bday) and was quite withdrawn. I wondered if maybe he was unwell he was so out of character.

All I can glean from him is that MIL is angry and that we were not invited and he just turned and walked out.

I really don't understand myself. MIL made no mention of it at all in phone calls or texts over the last couple of weeks. I can only assume she meant to exclude us??!

I do not drive but plenty of dh family do and could have got us there, plenty of effort went into collecting various nieces/nephews but not us!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 14/08/2013 20:11

Did nobody remind her to invite you all. Mabey you don't kno her, mabey she could be spiteful

justmyview · 14/08/2013 20:11

Bizarre

Is there a friendly SIL you could speak to, to ask how this arose? I'd be desperately hurt to be left out

Runningchick123 · 14/08/2013 20:12

Well done to your husband for leaving when he realised that you and the dcs hadn't been invited. What kind of person would arrange a meal for the sons birthday and not bother to invite his wife and children.
Your husband absolutely did the right thing by leaving. Your MIL needs a thorough look at her own strange behaviour.

pigletmania · 14/08/2013 20:12

She must have forgotten, why did she not mention it, sounds strnge

countrymummy13 · 14/08/2013 20:12

cantsleep I think you need to call her.

If only to get to the bottom of what's upsetting DH so much.

Assuming your DH is a reasonable person, I can only imagine something nasty was said to cause him to walk out.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/08/2013 20:12

That is totally horrible. Sad Does she do this kind of thing often?

revealall · 14/08/2013 20:13

Confused by "She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited" when it was his brother picking up your DH?
Was it just a low key family lunch then? Perhaps she was doing a little thing for him knowing you were doing a private family thing later on.
I can see that it might be odd for you to be at two parties in the same day especially if you were organising one of them. Didn't sound like you had invited his brother or her to yours?

OrangeLily · 14/08/2013 20:13

Sounds suspicious to me! Why wild she ask BIL and do it at lunch? She could have just asked u to do it!!

Groovee · 14/08/2013 20:14

It all sounds very odd. Your poor dh. Turning up to something like that and realising his own wife and children weren't there Sad. As for her being angry, I think she was very unreasonable to have "forgotten" you.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/08/2013 20:14

She arranged a surprise party but didn't invite you? That's just spiteful. Good on your DH for walking out. I hope he finds out why.

Why would someone do that?

mousebacon · 14/08/2013 20:15

How awful, I think you need to phone her or a B/SIL to see if you can get a straight answer.

MaureenMLove · 14/08/2013 20:16

Do you speak to any of the other family members that were there? Could you speak to any of them about it? It must have been quite painful for them, once your DH had left. I wonder if they knew you weren't invited.

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2013 20:16

I don't think she's the one that should be angry...

Why aren't you raging cantsleep? I would be.

SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 20:17

Well done DH!

Get him on here though, we (and I am sur eyou also :o) NEED to know EXACTLY how this happened. What was said, who said it, how one acted!

I'm baffled!

FannyMcNally · 14/08/2013 20:17

But who would organise a surprise party without confirming with the partner anyway? Sounds a complete nutter

libertine73 · 14/08/2013 20:18

And she didn't say anything when you were talking about the cake? I would need answers from my DH!!

revealall · 14/08/2013 20:19

So if you didn't invite any of his family to your do it's not a surprise his mum would organise a lunch with him IMO.
Perhaps she didn't want you to look bad by organsing a party over your head? So this way he gets two?

mrsminiverscharlady · 14/08/2013 20:20

God, some families are weird Shock Good on him though for walking out.

lottieandmia · 14/08/2013 20:20

Very weird - they must be pretty toxic to have deliberately excluded you.

FieryChipotle · 14/08/2013 20:21

That is really odd. There must be a misunderstanding, surely? Perhaps they had all assumed that someone else had told you... Has anybody from his family actually spoken to you?