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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
justmyview · 14/08/2013 20:39

Oh, it's you - I remember your previous thread. I think there's more background to this, although I don't remember the story

Seem to remember your SIL was quite reasonable, suggest you have a chat with her

Poppyhat · 14/08/2013 20:39

I remember that thread, I am sorry but it looks like she is getting her own back to me, she has excluded you,as her dgd was excluded from the spa day ? If that's right she is very vindictive!

belleandsebastian · 14/08/2013 20:40

I remember your thread from the other week. Could it be your mil is trying to punish you in a really warped way. Your dh didn't invite dn to spa day and in your mil's view was left out so she is trying to show you and your dd what it feels like to be left out?

She sounds awful op I think your husband is brilliant for refusing to stay and walking out that would have been hard in front of all his relatives. At least he has shown her who his priorities are.

countrymummy13 · 14/08/2013 20:40

revealall a 'party' involving staying at home and having cake with spouse and DCs is not generally thought of by most people as an 'invite the MIL' kind of event! are you the MIL?!

cantsleep you have to call the MIL. If not give me her number and I'll speak to her!

revealall · 14/08/2013 20:41

My take on it was that it wasn't a big ol' party but a small lunch in the birthday boy's lunch hour. The family all sound fairly local as the Op hasn't mentioned special journeys or the like. Doesn't sound like friends were invited or anything.
Perhaps as the Op hadn't invited any family members or organised anything MIL wanted to take matters into her own hands.
Did the Op invite the MIL for drinks or whatever for that birthday cake her DC's had chosen?

youcantplayonbrokenstrings · 14/08/2013 20:41

I remember the spa day thread.

I reckon it's related to that.

Have you ever fallen out with MIL before?

I'm sorry, but it sounds like your DH was upset because your MIL deliberately didn't invite you and your DC - perhaps to give you what she felt was a taste of your own medicine over the spa day thing? (which would be quite, quite mad of her).

revealall · 14/08/2013 20:44

Ha Ha no I'm not the mother in law!

I see some friends were invited. I still think it's a bit odd that you would talk to your MIL about cake and stuff and not say "are you coming round for a drink" actually.

IneedAsockamnesty · 14/08/2013 20:45

So it was a surprise party that you or dh knew nothing about and that's why you didnt just show up?

That's weird and very thoughtless.is there a back story?

sweetestcup · 14/08/2013 20:45

Right so you never knew anything about it...thats so bad, how odd really as well - she must have known your DH would get upset by it, this is all mad!

ViviPru · 14/08/2013 20:48

This all sounds completely loony - definitely contact MiL for your own sanity. And report back to us the very instant you put the phone down

pollyblue · 14/08/2013 20:48

I remember your spa day thread well. Your MIL is very fond of getting her own way isn't she? And greatly favours her other granddaughter.

I agree with another poster up thread, I'm sure as eggs is eggs, this is something to do with that - and/or her general attitude towards you.

What a shitty thing for her to do.

mrsminiverscharlady · 14/08/2013 20:49

Oooh, yes, bet it's related to the spa. Your dh MUST know more than he's letting on.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 20:49

In the end with the spa day dn was included so MIL was happy (and smug!) But we ignored it to keep the peace!

In fact I thought we had been getting on quite well.Obviously not.

Dh has mentioned how all the children that were there had to be taken off for lunch/outing elsewhere by bil dp as the party ended after he left and bil dp was apparently not very happy either (she is v close to MIL). He said she barely spoke to him when he saw her today.

I want to phone MIL but dh says to leave it. I do think he is trying to protect me from something.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 14/08/2013 20:51

Presumably your husband said something like, "where's my wife and children?". What was the response?

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 20:52

I am going to phone her.

OP posts:
pollyblue · 14/08/2013 20:52

You get on well with the SIL in the spa day to-do don't you? Could you speak to her about it?

pollywollydoodle · 14/08/2013 20:53

what a cow! given the back story, i'd leave her to stew in her own juice
wait for dh to feel able to talk about it
poor you op to be on the receiving end of that

DontmindifIdo · 14/08/2013 20:54

Ooh, that's a large party to be excluded from! I wouldn't talk to SIL or MIL until your DH tells you details, I'm guessing he asked "Where's DW and DCs?" and was told you weren't invited, because otherwise most people seeing everyone else there but not you would automatically assume you were invited but just stuck in traffic or running late.

I've not read your other thread, but if you've been friendly with MIL since a falling out, while she knew she had this planned, that's pretty shitty and two faced of her.

Good on your DH walking out - if your MIL was trying to teach you a lesson it looks like it's backfired spectaularly, she looks like a cow in front of all the family for excluding you, and your DH has shown which side he is on.

runningonwillpower · 14/08/2013 20:55

I know nothing of spa days.

But I would leave this to your husband. He has already taken your side on this and it's his mother.

Let him challenge her and leave it to him to get to the root of it.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 14/08/2013 20:55

Is there more to this story? As in, does your MIL have form for treating you badly?

countrymummy13 · 14/08/2013 20:55

Even if MIL is being an evil cow and trying to use DH birthday to get back at you for SpaGate then how come she's happily talking and texting to/with you days before the party?

revealall I concede. If speaking to PILs few days before DH birthday and no arrangement had yet been made for DH to see them I would indeed say 'would you like to come round for cake' (albeit through gritted teeth). But, I don't think that puts OP and MIL in same category.

changeling1234 · 14/08/2013 20:55

How long have you been together OP?

KeatsiePie · 14/08/2013 20:55

I want to phone MIL but dh says to leave it. I do think he is trying to protect me from something.

I think so too. He sounds nice.

Presumably he'll talk about it with you when he is ready -- fine for him to protect you from the details but you can't have mystery hanging over the family forever, you'll need to know something! Come and tell us what it is when you find out Grin

IAmNotAMindReader · 14/08/2013 20:55

I'm thinking the response to the where's cantsleep and the children wasn't favourable.
Your MIL is used to getting her own way and can sense you won't be a push over so is alienating you and making you the bad one. somehow she will turn this round to be your fault and she will be so upset.

I remember the spa thread too. Your DH has set the tone do not give in to a single one of her demands in the future. With the spa day in mind, this may have also been an attempt to remind you of your place in the family so nothing gets organised without its run by her first.

KeatsiePie · 14/08/2013 20:56

Noo don't phone her!

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