to wonder why we were not invited?

[cantsleep]

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

That's extraordinary. Is there anyone else who may know what happened? SIL from spa day perhaps?

I think your DH knows you have been treated despicably and shit is going to hit fan in spectacular fashion once you get to the bottom of all this.

He may be clamming up out of some misguided attempt to 'protect' you but its his place to stand shoulder to shoulder with you now and arm you with the facts IMO.

Don't phone her!

You need to support your DH on this one. Wait until he tells you.

Where is the spa thread?

I think you should phone her and if she triumphantly says "now you know what it feels like to be excluded", tell her how childish she is and how amazing it is that her son has turned out so well.

There must have been exchanges between them and mil might have said some hurtful things about you to him. I would be very hurt by this and quite frankly it would ruin te relationship between mil and myself. it seems like nobody mentioned it to you, like she wanted to do it behind your back, asked everybody to keep so you would be left out. Sounds very spiteful to me. Ad I woud be really hurt with dh family not mentioning it to you beforehand

How strange , did you ring her?

I would ring her, but then I hate being kept in the dark about stuff.

But in the other hand your dh has shown you respect and loyalty, maybe you owe it to him to wait?

I wouldnt phone her tbh your dh has asked you not to. He is the one who knows exactly what has happened and is probably deciding how to best deal with things.

I'd wait until he's told you what has happened then phone her. He probably thinks she deserves the silent treatment for a few days and she probably does.

If you phone before knowing the full story from your dh youre not giving him chance to resolve the situation.

She is his mother and he should be the one to initially sort it. If my dh asked me not to phone I personally wouldnt. Likewise if I'd had a row with my mum and asked him not to phone I'd be mad if he did.

I know its frustrating but give him chance to digest what has happened and decide what to do next

I cannot, in any universe think of anyone who would actually do this! OP, you're right, your DH is protecting you from whatever your MIL said when he said 'where the fuck are my wife and children'. He's seething hence his silence, let him deal with it, and tell you when he's calmed down even though I really want to know!!

To all those saying "Did you really need a formal invitation to a family party? - cantsleep didn't know about the party AT ALL! She probably didn't want or need a gold embossed printed invitation, but she did need to know that there was a party happening, and a couple of little details like - oh, i don't know - WHEN and WHERE it was, fgs!

He is trying to protect you, it sounds as though they have all conspired against you

Nah... I've decided I'm irked that your DH "doesn't want to talk about it" he may not want to talk about it but tough, it's unfair of him to withhold whatever it is he knows while you are feeling such anguish. I would be climbing the walls if I was in your circumstances and my DH was being secretive.

Well I'm glad you've gone to phone her.

I can't believe you've known about this for 5 hours and not got to the bottom of it yet.

Is your DH always that annoying when he's upset/angry?

I would be ringing SIL, actually, who I think has a fucking cheek if she knew you were going to be left out of this and went along with it hot on the heels of getting a free spa day for herself and your DD out of you.

I wouldn't bother phoning MIL as she sounds like she likes a battle you will never win.

You are the one who shoud be angry, not BIl, mil or SIL, tey sound bloody toxic, come to think of it this was definitely done out of spite

X posted Vivi!

I wouldn't phone mil, if your dp has asked you not to tbh. I might be tempted to ring sil.

I remember your last thread and being angry for you that mil got away with it!! May be her way of getting back at you.
When she was discussing dp's favourite cake why did she say she wanted to know?

Is your DH always that annoying when he's upset/angry?

Thank goodness for that, I was starting to think I was in a parallel universe being the only one thinking this, Worra.

IIRC from your other thread, OP, you aren't/haven't been very well lately. Is DH not talking as he doesn't want you to relapse? Please look after your own health here, the old bag isn't worth getting ill over.

ha x-post all over the place, duck!

This sounds very weird.