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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
lovestogarden · 17/08/2013 23:22

It's all very backward oedipal. There's a PHD in that woman's antics!

She won't ever be self aware though. She will always be, in her eyes, the victim.

I wonder why the tie is so strong? Did the OPs DHs dad die or leave her acramoniously? Why is she so hell bent on keeping the apron strings throttling him?

Sadly, there will be people around who enable her - either to keep under the radar, or because they enjoy the drama. I feel sorry for her current partner - can you imagine coming second to a grown up offspring to this degree?

JustCallMeMaam · 17/08/2013 23:39

She sounds so toxic - poor you and poor DH. I hope you get the outcome you want

kali110 · 19/08/2013 22:36

Goodluck tomorrow cantsleep x

JustCallMeMaam · 19/08/2013 23:16

Yes good luck cantsleep Smile

yoniwherethesundontshine · 19/08/2013 23:31

Loves very interesting as to when you say why are the ties so strong in relation to possible passing of the father or leaving her....

Boosiehs · 19/08/2013 23:35

Good luck tomorrow cantsleep.

CSIJanner · 21/08/2013 19:05

Hi Cantsleep - wanted to see how your appointment went? Hope you're well, and DH plus DC's are all okay x

foreverondiet · 21/08/2013 19:31

Unless you and dh are separated no need to invite you, just obvious you invited - sorry you are both being v unreasonable and she is right not to talk to him.

foreverondiet · 21/08/2013 19:32

Sorry cross posts - didn't realise it was surprise party - totally odd and rude and weird...

OrangeLily · 21/08/2013 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodtoBetter · 21/08/2013 20:16

What a vile woman. Look up narcissism...she sounds like a good example. Definitely change e mail and phone numbers. Cut contact. How can you ever have a relationship with someone who wishes you dead?Sad

Original poster
cantsleep · 21/08/2013 22:40

My appt went really well. Biopsy was normal and I have to go back in 4 weeks for another scan but everything seems to be ok now.

Have not seen or spoken to mil. Dh is being lovely as usual (and has been baking lots of cakes for me!) And things are all going ok.

OP posts:
laeiou · 21/08/2013 22:48

Great news.

onedev · 21/08/2013 23:21

Just seen your thread. Glad the biopsy was normal - great news.

Sorry for all the crap with your MIL. She sounds dreadful but at least your DH is doing the right thing. All the best.

MrsKoala · 21/08/2013 23:40

Great news. I'm so pleased on the result. 'as long as you've got your 'elf' that's what i always...quite literally have actually never said Wink

And good on the cake baking DH.

I take it MIL or SIL haven't inquired how the appointment went? Are you still meeting up with SIL?

mumofweeboys · 21/08/2013 23:59

Glad the appointment went well. Having my own bat s**t crazy granny I can sympathise. My own gran (my dads mum) put my mum and her other two sons wives through the same thing - she just couldn't let go. The digs were awful, as we're the deliberate insults like not bringing mum a pressie back from hols when she had brought me and dad - which as an 8 year old I pointed out and told her she wasn't being nice lol.

She became a sad and lonely women as mum had nothing to do with her, dad took me up to see her every weekend as weirdly she was a good granny to me (never realise about her issues with mum until I was 16 as dad had warned her he would cut contact so she wouldn't have dared try a stunt like your hideous mil).

Just to let you know it's not you, these women have issues that they seem to blame there sons wives for.

Your doing the right thing letting your dh have his space and make his own choices.

Weirdly when my granny got sick and developed dementia it was my wonderful mum who nursed her and looked after her, as my mum has the most amazing capacity to forgive and be caring. I don't know if I could have done the same if I had been treated so badly.

TheBleedinObvious · 22/08/2013 02:15

Hi op

Flowers to you and your dh.

My dh was forced to cut all ties to his family.

And it has been a grieving process.

Even though logically it was the only rational choice to make, he and our family has suffered and there is a gaping, painful hole where his family was.

It is so sad for all of us :(

Not only is it an ongoing grieving process and will continue to be so for the rest of our lives we also have a lot of guilt about being unable to give our dc a wider extended family to love them. This is indescribably sad.

Be gentle with yourself and your dh Flowers

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/08/2013 07:32

Glad biopsy showed good news

Your dh sounds a lovely man and he may talk to his family again. He may not - not your problem - ignore them and concentrate on your family

I'm Assuming the spa day got cancelled ?

RandomMess · 22/08/2013 07:49

Great news about the biopsy Smile

kali110 · 22/08/2013 19:32

So happy for you cant sleep x

wellieboots · 06/09/2013 00:38

forever, read the thread! How is it obvious you are invited to something if you have no idea it is happening?! The MIL is obviously unhinged and to call the OP and her DH U is VU!

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