Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 14/08/2013 21:08

Spa thread

I think MIL is making a point over her favourite GC (your words). Do you think any of your IL's are on MN? I ask because your initial OP in the spa was considering cancelling the entire day and then taking just yourself and DD. Not condemning as I feel that your DH had a right to choose who he wanted as he was paying. Maybe MIL read that and felt the same way. Difference is, you didn't hide the spa day from people.

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2013 21:08

Grin Vivi

It's just not very grown up to make the OP go 5 bloody hours wondering what was said.

The whole this is actually about her after all and she has every right to know.

Livvylongpants · 14/08/2013 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo · 14/08/2013 21:09

Actually, I'd sit DH down, say that you understand he's probably trying to protect you, but you'll have to talk to MIL soon, and he needs to tell you what happened and what was said - if he won't point out that he's also excluding you, that all his side of the family who were there will know what's happening and even if it's upsetting to you, you'd rather not be the one in the dark.

GloriousGoosebumps · 14/08/2013 21:11

It feels as though it was some sort of power game in which your MIL attempted to assert her position as the most important woman in your DH?s life and simultaneously underline your lowly position. In which case, her plan backfired spectacularly when DH walked out. The good news is that it must have been so embarrassing for her that she won?t try that again. In fact, she is probably constantly reliving the awful moment when the guests realised what she had attempted to do.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 21:11

I have spoken to her. We were not invited as according to MIL the dcs would not have been allowed in the pub.

I pointed out that our 2 older dcs were virtually same age as SIL dcs but MIL said she meant the younger dcs especially the baby. Fair enough I thought, maybe that is the truth. THEN she said this:

"I thought it would be better for him (dh) to come on his owm. He's not himself with you lot around. He doesn't look at us when he talks to us and I think you have destroyed his confidence like bil ex wife did to him and I hate her"

She then proceeded to cry and tell me how both her and dh grandmother talk often about how they miss seeing him (which puzzled me as 2 weekends ago we had his nan round for lunch and then he took her home and hoovered her whole flat and mended some bits for her so he does see them a lot).

MIL said how its all too much for dh and he needed a relaxing drink without the worry of dcs there or the 'distraction' of me! Apparently it is healthy for couples to go out independently of one another and if I don't allow him to he will just "walk one day without so much as a second glance".

Oh dear Sad

Dh heard all this, gave me a hug and said to ignore it all. He thinks MIL has a problem letting go of him and is getting vindictive in her attempts to 'reclaim' him.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 14/08/2013 21:12

My thoughts entirely. If it was all unrelated to the OP and the DH was just smarting from an unpleasant incident then fair enough, let him stew, but he is supposedly upset ON HER BEHALF, so why not empower her with the facts?

I get mega cross when I'm kept in the dark, I don't know how she's managed to keep her composure this long.

LindyHemming · 14/08/2013 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belleandsebastian · 14/08/2013 21:13

I dont think op's dh is being annoying in the slightest that's not a very nice assumption. He has just been really hurt and humiliated by his family and might not feel like going through every bloody gory detail just yet. The poor guy has just fallen out with his family, had his birthday ruined, is trying to protect his dw and dc's feelings and op's last thread indicated she has recently been ill. He is most like trying to protect his dw not be awkward.

Not everyone can talk about things straight away if this had happened to me I'd need time to stew over what happened before telling my dp everything as id want to protect them

Portofino · 14/08/2013 21:13
Shock
Doha · 14/08/2013 21:14

Your MIL is a cow.

ViviPru · 14/08/2013 21:14

So sorry for x post. God, OP you've the patience of a saint, how awful for you to be on the receiving end of all that. What an utter loon she is.

DontmindifIdo · 14/08/2013 21:14

wow, what did you say back to her?

She's being a bitch and trying to regain 'queen bee' status in the family, time you knocked her down a peg. Riot act reading time. What have you got to lose? she has told you she hates you and is already cutting you out of family events.

breatheslowly · 14/08/2013 21:15

She sounds like she has lost the plot. Very sad for her and extremely frustrating and irritating for you.

libertine73 · 14/08/2013 21:15

Oh my good god, WTF is she thinking? Is she trying to make him choose? As she is coming over like an absolute nutter! And very underhand and two faced after laughing with you on the phone.
Your poor DH :(

LoopThePoop · 14/08/2013 21:15

So did you phone her?

youcantplayonbrokenstrings · 14/08/2013 21:15

She has a problem 'letting go of him'?

But at least one of yours and DH's DC is around 13 (that's right, isn't it?) So she's been struggling to 'let go of him' for at least, what 13/14 years? How long have you been together?

This is completely and utterly wrong.

She is a horrible, horrible woman by the sounds of it.

Do you know something? I could probably live with her leaving me out, if I were in your shoes - but to do it to her DC, her own grandchildren? I would be RAGING.

Vivacia · 14/08/2013 21:15

Blimey. Were you expecting that level of response?

I'm guessing that your children aren't "his"?

I'd be tempted to ring the grandmother and tell her how sad you are to hear what she's said especially as you'd had such a good weekend recently.

ReindeerBollocks · 14/08/2013 21:16

My gosh MIL is a fucking fruit loop!

At least DH knows and is completely on your side as he should be.

Don't be worried about this, MIL is clearly the one who has the most to lose from this debacle, and it cements that she is the one with issues, especially if everyone else was acutely aware that you weren't present at his birthday party.

CaptainSweatPants · 14/08/2013 21:16
Shock

I really hope Dh tells her that she's out of order

KeatsiePie · 14/08/2013 21:16

Good grief!

Has your DH told you what he and she said when he got there and you were not there? He sounds lovely btw.

goodasitgets · 14/08/2013 21:16

Well she is a right charmer
Lost for words Shock

ViviPru · 14/08/2013 21:16

"with you lot" erm his FAMILY?! I'm utterly incensed on your behalf

MrsKoala · 14/08/2013 21:16

I would do the same Dontmind. Tell him you are going to ring her or he tells you. I presume it's something along the lines of he asked MIL where you were and she smugly said something to the effect of 'oh i didn't invite her, now you know how it feels etc'. If so and she has planned this vindictively on purpose she is thoroughly unhinged.

Your poor DH.

I doubt i would get over this. I suspect her petulance and 'punishment' will be a case of her cuttin gher nose off to spite her face and in her determination to hammer her 'victory' home about the spa has caused a massive rift. What a fool if so. She will now be playing the victim to all and sundry - i planned a lovely perty and this is how he repays me etc.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/08/2013 21:17

Wow! At least you know the truth now. At least you gave DH soundly on your side.