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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To introduce my new partner to my kids today

119 replies

DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 08:45

Back story.... We met on the Internet. Talked for 2 weeks on the phone (multiple times a day) and tons of messages. Met for the first time 2 weeks ago and it's been like a lightening bolt. Have spent every spare minute we could together when kids at dads/in bed and are both sure we want to be together. It's very clear for us both. We're not kids, I'm 34 he's 37. We both have children.
We are both on our own today, me with kids, him without kids. AIBU to have invited him over to take the kids to the park with me and then back here for tea together? Will be introducing him as a friend, no boyfriend talk. My kids are 4 and 17 months.
Is this a bad idea?? I am thinking it feels really natural but wanted to garner opinions.
Also, he is a great big kid himself and I know he'll be fun with them so that helps.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 11/08/2013 08:47

Please tell me you are joking

Geordieminx · 11/08/2013 08:49

2 weeks???

Are you insane???

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 08:50

Ah. No I'm not joking. Any more helpful comments?

OP posts:
musicismylife · 11/08/2013 08:50

You've known him a month.

YABU

lunar1 · 11/08/2013 08:52

Then you are being selfish and putting yourself before your children, is that helpful or would you only find it helpful if all the replies said yes go for it.

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 08:52

Also not insane but thank you for your concern.

OP posts:
musicismylife · 11/08/2013 08:53

Op, why the rush?

coffeewineandchocolate · 11/08/2013 08:53

err no! I'm surprised it even is a question... Thats way too early to introduce anyone. You actually know very little about him-what he told you could be complete less!

Have you even met any of his family and friends?

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 08:53

That is helpful lunar thank you

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersMum · 11/08/2013 08:54

How much do you actually know about this guy? I mean, 'know' beyond whatever he's told you?

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 08:54

I'm not sure music, I think you're right and it is selfish of me

OP posts:
Numberlock · 11/08/2013 08:55

I think you know it's a bad idea.

I bet he's not mentioned you meeting his kids has he.

TheSlug · 11/08/2013 08:55

I don't think it's a very good idea, I would leave it a few more months yet. 4 weeks really isn't enough time to know him well enough. He could easily be hiding something about his personality for that amount of time. Please don't do it.

teatimesthree · 11/08/2013 08:56

Really bad idea, sorry. Suspect you know this or why are you asking on here?

"He is a great big kid himself" is a bit worrying to say the least. I think you need to get to know him a LOT better. Think six months or longer. If he is for keeps, then what's the rush.

Four year olds are daft, you know. Your eldest will be able to pick up on the vibes.

teatimesthree · 11/08/2013 08:57

By the way, you say you have spent time together when kids are in bed. Does that mean he comes round to yours while your kids are asleep? I wouldn't feel comfortable with doing that with somebody I hardly knew. Am single parent, so understand how hard it is to make time. But this seems like an unnecessary risk.

dyslexicdespot · 11/08/2013 08:58

Yes- it would be a bad idea. Unless you are a Disney Princess and he is Prince charming, but if that were the case neither of you would be single parents in your 30ties.

Jinty64 · 11/08/2013 08:58

I can understand that you have met someone you feel very strongly about but, if everything is as good as you think, you have the rest of your life to do these things. It would be sensible to wait until you have met his family and friends and he has met yours before involving the children.

But....... I fear you have already decided that he will meet them today and you are looking for people who will agree with you.

MumnGran · 11/08/2013 08:58

More worried, actually, that you refer to him as a "partner" after just 2 weeks of dating.
This sounds like a runaway train OP, and while there is every chance it may be love at first sight and you will spend the rest of your life happily glued to one another .....there is equally every chance that, like any runaway train, its going to end up in a very destructive crash.

Much much too soon to start introducing him to your children IMHO.

If it really is love, and something that can become very 'solid', then it will only benefit from taking it a little more slowly. Or a lot.

musicismylife · 11/08/2013 08:58

I haven't said you are selfish, op,but I don't think this situation needs to be rushed. I understand you wanting him to meet your children especially as you and him get on so well. I just don't understand why it needs to be rushed especially when you are still in the early days and don't know that much about each other.

Spottypurse · 11/08/2013 08:58

I think it's too soon. Far too soon.

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 09:00

Thank you for all your opinions. I stupidly thought if he was just introduced as a friend then there would be no issue but it is silly in hind sight.
I am meeting his kids and his mother next weekend.

OP posts:
burberryqueen · 11/08/2013 09:00

I would be really wary of any relationship that has happened so fast - did he 'sweep you off your feet'? the term 'like a lightening bolt' makes me think......warning bell.
Has he told you anything about his ex?
as your children are so young I would suggest that this is not a good idea.

desperateforaholiday · 11/08/2013 09:01

Its far too soon. You hardly know him.

Slow things down and get to know each other before introducing your dc to him.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 11/08/2013 09:01

It's way too soon to be thinking about introducing him.

Be wary rather than impulsive, that's got to be better in the long run.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 11/08/2013 09:02

Have you met any of his family yet?

Why are you so annoyed if you get the answers that you are not looking for??

I don't know if YABU.