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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To introduce my new partner to my kids today

119 replies

DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 08:45

Back story.... We met on the Internet. Talked for 2 weeks on the phone (multiple times a day) and tons of messages. Met for the first time 2 weeks ago and it's been like a lightening bolt. Have spent every spare minute we could together when kids at dads/in bed and are both sure we want to be together. It's very clear for us both. We're not kids, I'm 34 he's 37. We both have children.
We are both on our own today, me with kids, him without kids. AIBU to have invited him over to take the kids to the park with me and then back here for tea together? Will be introducing him as a friend, no boyfriend talk. My kids are 4 and 17 months.
Is this a bad idea?? I am thinking it feels really natural but wanted to garner opinions.
Also, he is a great big kid himself and I know he'll be fun with them so that helps.

OP posts:

Original poster

DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 09:02

No, not looking for people to agree with me, just wanted others perspectives as I feared I was being impulsive.
He hasn't been here when kids asleep, my mum has come to sit with them whilst we have gone out.

OP posts:

Eilidhbelle · 11/08/2013 09:02

Another vote for too soon from me. How old are his kids, OP?

Original poster

DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 09:03

Alliwant, I'm not annoyed at all.

OP posts:

Spottypurse · 11/08/2013 09:03

Woah. His kids and mother next weekend? What's the rush?

SanityClause · 11/08/2013 09:03

Everyone's on their "best behaviour" if you've only known each other for 4 weeks, two of which you hadn't even met yet.

Cancel it. He will respect that, I'm sure, as he has children himself.

Original poster

DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 09:03

Elidh they are 7 and 13. Neither of us have ever introduced anyone to our kids.
It's just all new to me, have never been in this position before.

OP posts:

musicismylife · 11/08/2013 09:04

Alliwant, I don't think op is annoyed.

Original poster

DaydreamDolly · 11/08/2013 09:04

Sanity thanks, you're right, of course.

OP posts:

MalcolmTuckersMum · 11/08/2013 09:05

Fair enough OP - maybe you're getting a bit of a hard time here but there are so many possible combinations for a less than brilliant outcome with this set of circumstances. I hope you do go on to have a long and happy relationship but protect yourself and your precious kids and take it slow!

milkwagon · 11/08/2013 09:06

YABU. Ridiculous even.

Your kids are 4 & 17 months and you need to put them first. You're 34 not 14 - two weeks is not long enough to get to know someone. You don't know him at all, I can guarantee it.

You need to get some perspective & pull your head in.

musicismylife · 11/08/2013 09:07

It could be that he's the man of yur dream. Or a cock

Eilidhbelle · 11/08/2013 09:07

Oh, ok, I thought if they were similar ages then in a few months you could all plan a day together but I suppose that wouldn't really work. Is his eldest aware of how little one you've been seeing each other? Just because that might throw up some issues too. I would say, get to know each other a bit better before involving your families, I think it's more fair to them.

thegreylady · 11/08/2013 09:07

I disagree with the majority. If you genuinely introduce him as a friend, go to t he park and he leaves after tea it is no harm at all. I have been with dh for 25 years and we knew after 3 weeks we were going to marry. Our kids were older but knew we were friends from the beginning. Meeting his mum is an excellent sign. I wish you well :-)

gordyslovesheep · 11/08/2013 09:07

you are rushing in - it's fine if you want to think it's love and forever and he's your partner after 2 weeks but don't bring either set of children into it yet - give it a few months!

musicismylife · 11/08/2013 09:08

Posted to soon...think you should play cautious.

Good luck, op

SanityClause · 11/08/2013 09:08

And lucky you, in those first euphoric "infatuation" days!

Enjoy them, even if it doesn't last. (But I hope it does - everyone like a happy ending!)

NewAtThisMalarky · 11/08/2013 09:08

Wow, some judgeypants getting aired today!

I do think it is very early days, and in my opinion too soon. But I know someone that was proposed to after having met only four days earlier, and they are still together - their daughter just got married a couple of weeks ago.

But then again, sometimes something can feel very right, and it turns out he is controlling and abusive.

Only you can decide what is right for you and your family, but it is very soon, and you don't really know him yet - even if it feels like you do.

forevergreek · 11/08/2013 09:09

That seems very soon. With dh I didn't meet his parents and he mine for 6 months or so. Our parents didn't meet each other for 4 years! I wouldn't introduce someone new to children for around a year I suppose. I think 6 months to know each other, 6 more months to meet family and friends etc, and children last when you are absolutely sure

MyDaydream · 11/08/2013 09:10

What's the rush? Why do your kids need to meet someone you've known for such a short time? Yes, your sure your perfect for each other and you'll be together for a long time, but can't you wait for the first flush to wear off? In 6 months time if your still sure and you still want to be together every waking moment then introduce the kids to him, as your friend who doesn't stay the night.
I was the kid who got introduced to new girlfriends after such short spaces of time, and its a bloody awful experience. I can't even count on my fingers how many women my dad has introduced me to over the years after similarly short spaces of time, I couldn't count on my fingers. The result of this is that I struggle to take him seriously, I certainly don't take his girlfriends seriously, and don't usually bother to learn their names because what's the bloody point?
Now your probably going to say your not my dad, and yeah, I get your not but he hit it off brilliantly with all these women just as you say you have with this bloke. He bought them cars, moved them in, proposed, but very few lasted past the first flush. Your kids deserve stability, and part of that is not meeting men after 2 weeks.

Awomansworth · 11/08/2013 09:11

It's easy to get carried away in the first few months of a new relationship. I'm sure everyone that has commented wishes you well and that it works out for you two.

However when children are involved it's always wise to take things very slowly... for both theirs and your benefit. If s you say it feels right, then it still will do in a few months.

I fear though, that since you a meeting his children next week... you won't be waiting for him to meet yours.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 11/08/2013 09:11

If a friend of yours was in this situation what advice would you give her? Get to know him, don't rely on the information he has given you to form an opinion. You don't need to meet his family, you need to take it slowly and protect your children at all costs.

Numberlock · 11/08/2013 09:12

I don't get the rush? Why aren't you both happy getting to know each and enjoy time just the 2 of you? Plenty of time for family much later on.

MammaTJ · 11/08/2013 09:13

I am going to offer a slightly different perspective and it may shock those of you who 'know' me on here.

I met my DP online. We chatted for a couple of weeks and then he came here to meet me on a weekend my DD was meant to be at her Dads.

She went to her Dads and all was well, we were having a lovely time. Then, for some reason I cannot remember, her Dad decided she had to come home a day early.

They met and all was fine.

We are still together some nearly 9 years later.

That was not the 'sensible' thing to do though and could have turned out so much worse than it did.

EchoDragon · 11/08/2013 09:13

Ha mumsnet makes me laugh. If the OP was posting complaining about her ex introducing his new girlfriend to the kids and saying how she felt it was too soon. She'd be told to wind her neck in and how when he's parenting the kids its up to him who they spend time with etc. She'd be told its none of her business and she had to let him get on with it. Yet a mum posts similar and gets slated for it.

You know them best. If you are sure it's the right thing for them as their mum and your not just doing it for your own benefit. Then go for it.

Fairylea · 11/08/2013 09:15

I'd be very wary of introducing someone so early. You're still in the honeymoon phase. If he meets your kids you'll find it harder to tell him to get lost if it goes wrong because you'll feel more obliged to make it work.

I met my dh on the internet and we waited 6 months before he met dd. We have been married 4 years now and have a ds together. We knew we wanted to be together permanently in about 2 weeks but it was too early to meet dd then.

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