... to think it's ridiculous for my DM to expect a phone call every day to check she's still alive!

[fluffyraggies]

Just that.

She's a fairly active 74 year old.

Her social calender is fuller than mine: regular weekly events for her include:

• historical society,
• garden club,
• WI,
• hair appt.,
• volunteer work in local NT property,
• coffee at neighbours,

(All of the above require her to be picked up by someone at a set time each week without fail, and all these friends know how to get hold of me in the event of her not coming to the door)

• phone call from 2 family members and 2 or 3 old friends
• me taking her to town for shopping every week,
• a chat on the phone with me at some point,
• email contact with more family and friends.

We can add on to this occasional garden parties, coach trips, theater visit and charity event. Plus us visiting or taking her out on family occasions.

She has a good quality personal alarm in the event of a fall or a crisis, which will trigger a call to me, a nearby friend or the police - in that order.

And yet once again i have just had the '' i could die and no one would know for days '' speech. Followed up with how ''X's daughter rings her every day you know, in case something has happened''.

AIBU to resist this with every fiber of my being?

OK - so it seems that the OP has made up her mind that she is right anyway so why bother with the thread? Not meaning to sound as offhand as that does btw but I really don't see the point in starting a thread asking a question when you have already decided that you are in the right.

littlemog I think people's thinking can progress on from a thread, it is a way of checking your thinking...

littlemog in my posts i have acknowledged that the majority here are saying IABU, and have also said that in the light of that perhaps i should make more effort. In a recent post i said i made a point of ringing her at the weekend. I probably wouldn't have before the thread.

Are you reading the thread properly, or just responding to the opening post?

I'm sorry if this isn't good enough for you .... hang on ... Mum, is that you?

Another daughter here who can't "just have a 5 min conversation" with her mum... she goes over an hour every single time, and the only way to make it shorter would be to hang up on her mid-sentence.

How easy (and boring!) would it be if every family was the same!

YANBU. Great for those who have that sort of relationship with their mum. I don't. We don't have a bad relationship. We meet for lunch during my work lunch hour twice a month or so, text, email and chat on the phone. Not daily with the chats though. I might see her at the weekends, or not depending. I sure wouldn't know what to say to her in daily calls. She is very gossipy and talks about all manner of stuff that i struggle to care about and i wouldn't want that daily. Saying that, she is not on her own so maybe things would be different if she were.

OP -please don't stereotype only children.

I am another who can't do the "only 5 minute" call. My mum can talka bout my idiot brother for an hour. Also I find her quite suffocating because if we are out, and obviously don't answer landline she will still ring it, at 2/3 minute intervals (I know this as our phone registers each number that calls and the time they called) and then if after an hour of this we don't answer, she goes into meltdown "somethingawfulhashappened" mode and gets my step dad to ring either mine or DH's mobile.
I ahve, on more than one occasion, had the police at my door becasue my motehr hasn't been able to contact me on the mobile - if I forgot it, or it was charging - or the landline.
She has rung up in the middle of car jurneys if she hears theres been ana ccident. Even if we are on the A68, and the accident is on the M4

I have stopped telling her when one the Dses is ill as she rings 20 times a day for updates, tehn starts telling me that I should take them tot eh doctor, or if they have been to doctor then for a second opinion, or A&E.
Her big fear is meningitis. Every illness they have, even a D&V bug,s he thinks it meningitis.

So this is why i don't ring my mum every day.