We have had a big family row and I genuinely don't know how unreasonable I am. I know I am slightly at fault. My view is that with all rows there is not really a black and white, just shades of grey. I just want to know how far in the dark grey I fall!
My brother's girlfriend is 6 months pregnant and from another country to England (I am English), but they live in England. I have 3 children. We recently spent a week away together and brother's girlfriend was regularly pointing out all the things she wouldn't do when her baby was born (her first child).
For example, on my youngest child's birthday I made a 'party tea' of Jaffa cakes, party rings, crisps, ham sandwiches, cheese sandwiches, birthday cake etc. She had none and as I was scraping the heart shaped Barbie plates into the bin she commented that she will never fill her child with fatty or sugary foods. I said nothing after the pointed comment.
Another time, my 2 oldest children were playing on the Wii as my DH and I packed the car up for the beach. However, once packed we had to shoe horn them off the Wii to get into the car. Again, my brother's girlfriend said that it was lazy English mothers that plonked their children in front of the gamestations rather than doing things with them. I said nothing.
Every day my children (age 9, 7 and 5) went to bed on holiday at 8.30ish. They normally go to bed at 7.30ish on a school day. However, no matter what time I put them to bed they are always up at 6.30 at the latest. My brother's girlfriend every morning said that it was strange how the English put their children to bed early. Again, I said nothing.
However, the regular comments were beginning to grate as I took them personally. I was hormonal - serious PMT and obviously at 6 months pregnant, so was she.
Towards the end of the week we went out and she was becoming animated at how the English had strange ways of 'your turn' and 'my turn' in changing nappies and getting up in the night etc. She said that it was wrong and it was for the mother to do 100%. I said that when you have 3 children it was very different and you get very tired and you need to share the load etc.
To which my brother's girlfriend said that if you couldn't cope with 3 children you shouldn't have had them. She followed with the fact her mother had 4 children and never had help from their father who worked hard etc.
I was really upset and cried. I then forcefully told her off and said she was very rude and offensive. She immediately apologised and said she didn't want to upset me. I responded with the fact she had upset me and was very rude.
I didn't really accept her apologies that evening, but the next morning I apologised for not having accepted her apology earlier.
This was a week ago and we are now all back in our respective homes.
My brother phoned me today to ask if I would call his girlfriend as she was still smarting that I called her rude. As I didn't want to start the argument all over again I said to him that I would call her and said that we both said things and I would like to draw a line in the sand.
However, he thinks this won't be enough and I need to apologise for saying everything I said. I really don't want to do this, as she really was very rude.
She will be bringing her child up in England but wants to raise him the way her country would raise a child. She really has big issues with the way the English raise their children. Which is where all this started.
Just tell me what you think. How far in the wrong am I?