In thinking this tickling is inappropriate

[Cococo]

BIL is staying with his dd (my dn) who is 10. She is sharing with my dd age six. Before bed my dn asks for tickles which BIL does all over her tummy, arms etc in quite a slow, strokey way. I'm sure it's completely innocent but makes me feel v uncomfortable. My dd is then begging me to tickle her like that which I am not going to do, and then her cousin says its ok, she will tickle her like that - luckily they fell asleep before any more tickling occurred but it has made me feel a bit sick. They are staying and the girls sharing a double bed for the week. Want to say something to bil but he will think I'm mad and probably be offended. Probably just sees it as something innocent that his dd likes. My DH thinks I am totally unreasonable and neurotic to even worry about it. What should I do/say?

[FloweryOwl]

I used to ask my mum to tickle my back like this most nights. My dd now asks me to do it for her, there's nothing weird about it! You need to think of it like this, its his daughter! What you are thinking won't even be crossing his mind.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

DD2 sleeps naked at the moment. Tonight at bedtime I licked her armpit (to make her giggle, she has the best laugh). She's 7.

looks over shoulder tearfully for paedo police

[softlysoftly]

I'm glad ((in a weird way)) that I read this thread, my instant reaction to the op was a bit uncomfortable YET I do stroke the DDs backs to sleep at night.

Its not something I would have done in my family who are very hands off, but DH started it (Asian muslim family yet way more tactile!) and the girls love it, and it felt so natural that DD1 asks me to "scratch back" or "draw" every night for sleep and I do the same thing to sooth the baby (and DH).

There is nothing at all sexual in it, its so relaxing I usually fall asleep with them.

I have however realised i'm the only one who never gets my back stroked

[MollyHooper]

My best friend used to love this.

Every sleep over we had we would fall asleep with me tickling her arms.

I'm glad your mind has been put to rest Cococo.

[BehindLockNumberNine]

My 10 year old dd loves having this slow stroking tickling done to her. She will quite often ask for it as we are snuggled up on the sofa watching tv in the evening. I gently stroke / tickle her arms, her legs and her back, neck, temples, cheeks and forehead. I She absolutely loves it and it relaxes her which is brilliant as she can be a bit on the intense / anxious side. I did not know it had a name though.

[thornrose]

Cococo, I'm glad you've been given a different perspective and you feel more comfortable now.

I used to do this with my sis and cousins. We also used to "write" words on each other and stroke each others hair. We used to lay with our head on the others stomach listening to the gurgling sounds.

I've done all these with my dd and she loves it too.

[countrymummy13]

You won't stroke your 6 yo to sleep after she's asked?! That's a bit mean.

Are you a non-touchy person?

I stroke my 3yo to sleep every night (or DH does). It's part of a finely honed bedtime routine.

I wish someone would stroke me to sleep!

[Chippychop]

My dc love being scratched tickled and not ask for it. Sometimes we tell
Stories at the same time .." Two children are walking up a hill,( use two fingers to walk up back when the sun comes out (draw a big circle
On back with finger) all of a sudden it starts to rain ( pitter patter with finger tips) etc etc we all love this

[RoxyFox211]

Yabu.
I think it's a shame people are missing out on the tender relationships and intimacy they could have with children because of all this stigma.
As a child (around age 8 or 9) me and my male friend used to play a game called "injections" before we went to sleep at sleepovers. This involved tickling and stroking each others arms and was a really relaxing and pleasant feeling. It may seem a bit odd now, but it was completely innocent at the time in that we didn't understand about what sex was all about, or involve sex bits. But I always felt our friendship was intimate because of this.
If there is nothing else dodgy don't think anything of this tickiling/stroking thing. Some parents give their kids massages etc if they have trouble sleeping or whatever and I don't really see how this is too much different.
You don't have to like it or do it with your dd but I wouldn't say anything about it. A vague insinuation of child abuse is probably not something a relationship could ever fully recover from.

[Quaffle]

DS2 loves this on his back. He says it gives him a "fizzy face" which I suspect is his way of describing ASMR (I get it too).

When I win the lottery I will employ someone to tickle my back all the livelong day. Bliss.

[OxfordBags]

My Gran has always stroked my face and arms very slowly in the manner the OP describes. There are pictures of me as a pregnant woman of nearly 40 laid with my head in her lap so she can do it. Sadly, she has dementia now and doesn't seem to recognise any of us... and yet, when I go visit her in her care home and sit with her, she takes my arm and strokes it gently, just like always. If that's sinister, then let it stay sinister.

[LongGoneBeforeDaylight]

My dad used to tickle me so much I used to have to use the toilet beforehand as otherwise I'd almost wet myself laughing! I loved it. Bet she will have happy memories of this.

[softlysoftly]

Oh Oxford that's sad but so lovely.

[GreenSkittles]

Is this something like ASMR? Look it up on YouTube if you haven't heard of it, lots of people react really well to whispering, stroking, certain sounds. It's supposed to be relaxing. I have a friend who listens to whisper videos to fall asleep. Maybe bring the subject up with your BIL, your DN may have it and enjoy other types.

[Quaffle]

I just resurrected a thread on ASMR - I only realised a couple of years ago that other people get it!

[TroublesomeEx]

softly you need to train your children.

My children stroke my arms sometimes (they offer - I don't force them !)

[MammaTJ]

I would be more concerned by your reaction to it than the tickling itself.

My DD has ADHD and sensory issues. The only way I can get her to sit still is to cuddle her to me and stroke her legs, arms, tummy and back. You would be very worried if you saw us like that.

[softlysoftly]

Would a star chart based on back stroking be wrong?

[MunchkinsMumof2]

My Dad tickled my and my db's backs so much as newborns that we both ask our respective partners to tickle our backs regularly. It's a lovely soothing feeling and really helps with bonding. You are projecting your own fears inappropriately and your dh is right not to entertain them.

[Turniptwirl]

Nothing remotely sexual and you shouldn't raise it with the family!

If it was anything dodgy he would not have done it in front of you. If the thought had even crossed his mind that it could be interpreted as dodgy he would not have done it on front of you.

If you're so paranoid about two little girls stroking each others backs I'm surprised you let them share a double bed!

[GameSetAndMatch]

OP you're uncomfortable enough to post this thread so if you have natural uneasy instincts then Id just suggest keep an eye on things.

I used to be 'tickled' by a relative when in bed and it was NOT fun and it was NOT innocent.

[FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow]

My dcs like the slow tiggley/stroking. As does DH.
I can't bear it being done to me; it hurts my skin.

[Littleen]

how sad that you find this inapproproate! It's just tickling!

[MissMuesli]

My 2 year old loves having her back tickled and asked for it often, especially if poorly or tired. It's something I lie to and my DP often strokes my face and nose if I'm struggling to fall asleep

[Littleen]

Don't think the niece would ask for tickles if it was of the unappropriate kind