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AIBU?

In thinking this tickling is inappropriate

156 replies

Cococo · 09/08/2013 02:59

BIL is staying with his dd (my dn) who is 10. She is sharing with my dd age six. Before bed my dn asks for tickles which BIL does all over her tummy, arms etc in quite a slow, strokey way. I'm sure it's completely innocent but makes me feel v uncomfortable. My dd is then begging me to tickle her like that which I am not going to do, and then her cousin says its ok, she will tickle her like that - luckily they fell asleep before any more tickling occurred but it has made me feel a bit sick. They are staying and the girls sharing a double bed for the week. Want to say something to bil but he will think I'm mad and probably be offended. Probably just sees it as something innocent that his dd likes. My DH thinks I am totally unreasonable and neurotic to even worry about it. What should I do/say?

OP posts:

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TroublesomeEx · 09/08/2013 09:38

Both of my children like this type of 'tickling'. From both my and their dad.

My son is 15!

It's really good for you. They've found that babies in incubators make better progress and have greater immunity if they are stroked.

My children and I are physically very close.

Your BIL sees it as something innocent because it is something innocent!

TroublesomeEx · 09/08/2013 09:38

*me

woahthere · 09/08/2013 09:43

I do this to my son up and down his back, we call it the stroky tickles. He loves it and it makes him go all dreamy and sleepy and relaxed. I find it odd, that you think it is odd...and a bit sad.

TobyLerone · 09/08/2013 09:45

My sister and I do this on each others' arms when we're sitting next to each other.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/08/2013 09:54

I'm sure the OP now realises she is BU but I do think it's sad that she even had to ask.

ShabbyButNotChic · 09/08/2013 10:29

My dad used to do this to me as a kid. He discovered the only way to get me to sleep as a baby was to rub my head, he carried on doing this as i got older then it progressed to back stroking as i got bigger. I loved it! make mental bote to train dp to do this

Fond memories of the time i was dying of a hangover at about 17 and my dad came in my room and silently sat on my bed and rubbed my head til i fell asleep. Bless him.

thegreylady · 09/08/2013 10:32

I tickle my two little grandsons like this if they are tired or feeling a bit ill. They love it and it relaxes them. I can't believe anyone would be disturbed by this. I know my dsil does the same if the boys are finding it hard to sleep. A cd of Mrs Tiggywinkle and a gentle stroke and they are asleep. They are 6 and 4.

thegreylady · 09/08/2013 10:34

I also play "round and round the garden" with the belly button as the centre which makes them very giggly!

thebody · 09/08/2013 10:37

dh massaged dd(14) over her back, arms and feet. it helps her relax and is invaluable in treating her PTSD.

op this is a bit wierd of you.

Ev1lEdna · 09/08/2013 10:46

My eldest has loved being 'tickled' like this since he was young. If he cannot get to sleep or is unwell or has toothache he always asks for 'tickly scratch' to calm him down. It makes him feel loved. I think it is a shame that you thought it inappropriate and even more of a shame that it made you feel a bit sick.

runningforthebusinheels · 09/08/2013 10:47

Dh has done 'tickle back' on all the dc when they were young. Youngest still likes it and is most put out when he's not home at bedtime. I do it wrong apparently.

TheFantasticFixit · 09/08/2013 10:53

Oh god. Please do nothing and unclench. Many children - mine included - like soft tickles on their torso and arms to relax them. I personally love it. It is not sexual.

Seriously, paedophile paranoia does my head in.

SoniaGluck · 09/08/2013 11:02

Seriously, paedophile paranoia does my head in.
Yep, me too. It seems like nothing can be innocent anymore.

My dad used to do this when I was little. I have done it for my own kids. My DH does it for me when I am especially tense and it really helps if I have a headache. I would do it for him, too but he finds it irritating and too ticklish.

Coopercream · 09/08/2013 11:08

YABU.
We are a massive tickle/stroke family.

The kids are constantly lying on my lap and asking for tickle back...which is exactly what you described a soft slow stroking (DS likes a lite scratch), there's nothing weird or sexual about it, humans need physical touch. The fact he did it in front of you just shows there is nothing sexual about it.

Whilst waiting in the walk in centre with a very poorly DS he asked for tickle back and laid on my lap. An old woman tutted and told me she didn't think it was appropriate

Mabelface · 09/08/2013 11:17

My kids love a tickely back, and they're 14 and 20! My daughter will undo her bra and present her back to me or her dad. DH loves it too. There's nothing sexual in it whatsoever. It's lovely, comforting, tactile and gorgeous. Say nothing to your BIL.

tedmundo · 09/08/2013 11:28

I also love to wake the DSs up with gentle arm strokes (on the rare occasions I wake before them!) and they uncurl from sleep like happy cats!

DH strokes my forehead when I have a bad head as it helps me relax while the codeine kicks in.

Such a lovely lovely way to spend quiet time together. Please don't say anything, there is nothing to comment on!

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2013 11:31

I think you should get your DN one of these for Christmas.

Has anyone used them?

NickyNackyNooNoo · 09/08/2013 13:54

My 8 year old DS loves this he totally zones out...I do it when he's being over dramactic or stressy about something. Apparently only I can do it though he says his Dad is rubbish.

His brother hates it & it irritates the hell out of me

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2013 13:56

It makes all my hair stand on end!

WhiteandGreen · 09/08/2013 14:27

I am so glad you asked on here before saying anything. If you are sure this is innocent then how horrid it would have been to potentially spoil something so nice for no good reason.

TroublesomeEx · 09/08/2013 15:36

Imperial I knew it would be one of those before I clicked the link.

They are just divine!

itsblackoveryonderhill · 09/08/2013 16:08

you should say nothing. it seems all innocent to me.

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Cococo · 09/08/2013 22:54

Thanks all - put it into perspective for me, so much appreciated and I will definitely not say anything. FWIW, I was not, as one poster asked, abused as a child. I have a close family who are very tactile (cuddles, massage - of the firm, getting rid of knots in your shoulder variety, etc), but definitely not ticklers - anyway, this was new to me in this context as I'd only ever experienced that kind of 'tickling' with a partner - so good to know it is not something to worry about.

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 09/08/2013 23:00

My girls loved a 'scratchy back' when they were little. It soothed them and would send them to sleep. It was 'scratchy' because I used my nails in a soft stoking movement to enhance the loveliness. Nothing sexual at all.

Sidge · 09/08/2013 23:01

If I won the lottery I would pay someone to do this to me!

When I was little my cousin and I used to tickle each others backs until we fell asleep (she's 5 years older than me) - we'd share a bed purely to facilitate the back stroking!

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