In thinking this tickling is inappropriate

[Cococo]

BIL is staying with his dd (my dn) who is 10. She is sharing with my dd age six. Before bed my dn asks for tickles which BIL does all over her tummy, arms etc in quite a slow, strokey way. I'm sure it's completely innocent but makes me feel v uncomfortable. My dd is then begging me to tickle her like that which I am not going to do, and then her cousin says its ok, she will tickle her like that - luckily they fell asleep before any more tickling occurred but it has made me feel a bit sick. They are staying and the girls sharing a double bed for the week. Want to say something to bil but he will think I'm mad and probably be offended. Probably just sees it as something innocent that his dd likes. My DH thinks I am totally unreasonable and neurotic to even worry about it. What should I do/say?

[Tee2072]

The fact that you saw anything sexual about it at all makes me question you, not him.

Were you abused as a child?

[bubblesausage]

YABU You say yourself that you're sure it's innocent and that BIL sees it this way too, so I'm not sure what you'd gain by saying anything, other than making everyone uncomfortable. If you don't want to do this with DD then don't.

[Isatdownandwept]

My son is dyspraxic and needs this stuff. It's well known as a therapeutic technique. My daughter doesn't need it, but loves it more than cuddles.

Mind boggles at why someone would be uncomfortable with this.

[JourneyThroughLife]

My sister and I used to do this when we were young. I came from a very 'uptight' family, we had hardly any physical contact from our parents at all, so much so that I guess my sister and I could have been called "physically deprived". Touch is very good for human beings, especially children, non-sexual touch is healthy.
My sister and I used to lie on the lawn and take turns to 'stroke' each other. It wasn't sexual, just touch, probably we were trying to make up for the lack of interaction from our parents...looking back, quite sad as our parents didn't cuddle us or anything. Once my father found us and thought we were being disgusting and was very angry, we had no idea what we'd done wrong.
As a parent myself I took great care to touch, cuddle, stroke my own children lots. I have also given a 'stroking' massage to friends who find it utterly relaxing.
I can understand that you feel uncomfortable if you don't come from a touchy sort of family but it is sad when 'touch' gets confused with inappropriate sexual contact....

[DanceLikeJohnTravoltaNow]

My DD 18mo has these sorts if tickles when she goes to sleep, she says more and moves your hand to the bit she wants doing, usually her back, stomach and legs, but anywhere will do!

It's made me feel a bit sick that anyone watching my DH do this might think it creepy and sexual. It's just how we relax her.

I suppose its just an extension of the skin to skin that happens in the early days.

[Whothefuckfarted]

I LOVE being 'tickled' like you described, very slow and light, anywhere, back/neck/arms etc etc, my mum used to do it to me, it is soooo relaxing and just feels so nice. My DH and I both do it to our DD who is 17 months. As soon as we start it she goes completely still and stares off into the distance and totally relaxes. If we stop mid tickle she lets us know she's not happy and to resume immediately!

Absolutely say nothing! To be honest, I'm kind of weirded out by your thought process in this...

YABU.

[carabos]

DS2 is 20 and he still likes to sit on the floor in front of me or DH and have his back stroked or "tickled" as he persists in calling it . It's more like a sweeping massagey movement which makes him relaxed and sleepy. As a small child it was the only thing that would get him to sleep, so clearly has very nice connotations for him.

I agree with poster up thread who said we aren't nearly tactile enough, and I think this is especially true for adult children. If they aren't in a relationship themselves, who cuddles and hugs them?

[livinginwonderland]

Oh, I love this! It's so relaxing. Please don't say anything, it's innocent.

[TheFallenNinja]

It's unfortunate that we have come to this.

Would you think the same if her mum did it?

[Whothefuckfarted]

FallenNinja

OP stated up thread that she indeed would feel uncomfortable if it was mum doing it too.

Sad. It really is one of my favourite things that my mum did for me. Best feeling ever! So relaxing.

[glendatheveryexcitedwitch]

Yabu - my 7 yr old dd loves having her back tickled before bed and snuggles up with me or dh while we stroke her back. My 8mth old dd drifts off to sleep only if she's being sung to and having her tummy/back stroked.

I love nothing more than having my back stroked by dh - and it's not a sexual thing - it's a relaxation thing!!!

[Binkyridesagain]

Don't say anything.

There is nothing sexual about it. I believe it's a form of bonding, when we had thicker body hair we needed touching like this to help keep us clean but also to calm us and to make/ reaffirm bonds. We might have reduced the need to keep clean but the other aspects are still very much needed.
I still stroke my arms when I'm sleeping, my DH thinks I'm pretending to shower, but I usually do it if I am having a bad dream.

[Ledkr]

I spend half my life trading tickles with dd we do each others arms when watching tv.
The other day she mentioned her father tickles her arm and I loved it because he's otherwise useless pretty detached and unemotional.

[Sleepyhead33]

my dad used to do this to wake me up in the morning. It was lovely. I loved being woken up having my back stroked. I do this to my children if the are laying across me while watching TV or something.
Definitely don't say anything.

[MonstersDontCry]

I do this every night to my DD in bed before she goes to bed. It's very relaxing for her.

[MoreThanWords]

I used to do this to my DDs - either with fingers or my huge blusher brush - lovely sensation

[gamerchick]

Gawd my kids love it.. My husband even does it to me. Its very relaxing.

Do you like getting your hair played with OP?

[wanderings]

I thought this thread was going to be about the other sort of "wrong" tickling: forced, vigourous tickling to somebody who doesn't like it!

[Notsoblonde]

my dds love it, dh and I are always getting asked to tickle their backs it totally relaxes them .

[misterkite]

YABU. Such a sad OP

[madbutnotbad]

My friend used to do this to me when we were young it was lovely and I used to scratch her back (at her request) as she found that relaxing! It was totally innocent and I'm sure its contributed to our life long friendship.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

It's a funny thing, when I read the OP, thinking about my upbringing, my knee jerk reaction was to agree (!) - but that is because I was not touched by my parents at all growing up and they'd have thought it was 'dirty'.

Bit of a shock to have that reaction actually, as I thought I'd shaken off my parents influence on me years ago. Strange what stays with you. [bemused]

I remember my mother sneering with an intense vicarious delight/ horror about how a dad at church was a disgusting man who loved his daughter inappropriately... Because he carried her and tickled her lots and swung her upside down showing her tights! I know the girl still and it was definitely my mothers lurid hang ups. (not levelling the same accusation at you OP! Just a really vivid recollection about an unhappy childhood)

I cuddle my son loads and tickle him and still cosleeps with me half the time. I vowed not to bring up my child in an affection / physically close starved way as it was really damaging. I'd be horrified if anyone thought I was bring inappropriate.

[minouminou]

God....many moons ago when I used to go to all-nighters, there'd always be an ad-hoc massage area, and there'd be friends, partners, vague acquaintances, and complete strangers all massaging each other's necks, shoulders and backs.
Obvs the MDMA helped, but it broke down the inhibitions we all felt.....nothing sexual at all.

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

Random memory - We used to argue in primary school about who got to sit at the front at story time with whoever was behind "drawing" on the child in fronts back. Another similar kind of thing, me and my sisters still ask our mum/each other to play with our hair :)

[ginmakesitallok]

My mum used to tickle my back while we sat watching coronation street, and now dp tickles my back pretty much constantly if we're watching telly. I love it, nothing sexual in it. My youngest dd likes it too, but dd1 hates it.