AIBU - to feel like telling my best friend to get a bloody job

[sunshine75]

I don't want to ignite the SAHM debate as this is different and I'll admit that I'm sometimes a little bit jealous of my friend's lifestyle.

However, she's really annoying me. She gave up work 8 years ago and both of her children are now at school (private). She lives in a massive house in a lovely area, has a cleaner, drives an amazing car etc etc - all funded by her husband's fabulous job. All well and good and she says herself that she married well.

But......she has a good degree, used to have a great job and now just floats about having lunch and moaning about how stressful her life is. Yesterday, it was really stressful because she had been allocated sandwiches to make for the community picnic - ffs!! She even considered paying her cleaner extra to make them for her.

I'm very irritated and think that it's fine to give up work for a few years when your children are small but once they get to like 6 and 8 then you should do something other than lunch. Voluntary work even....just as a role model to young girls (she has 2) that there is a reason to get a good education, be independent, have a work ethic.

Mmmmmm - am I just being a jealous cow?

I am not criticising , I am highly jealous and am going to show DH these posts as I want to give up work

yip, when not working he doesn't have to worry about the house, shopping, cooking, kids to a degree - he has much more downtime and i'm not stressed and knackered like many of my working friends. both wohm and sahm mums have plusses and negatives.

Here here Typos!

davidjr
Technically we both both potter when the other is at work and sometimes potter together

But it's important not to allow your partner to remove himself from all familial duties, right?

My DH works long hours and is away a fair bit, and with me working (mostly) from home, it's easy to fall into the pattern that I do everything domestic and child-orientated so that when DH is home he has free time.

But DH and I both accept that this is not a healthy way to live...so he still has a fair few tasks that his domain, especially stuff that can be done remotely. And he moves heaven and earth to do as many school runs as he can. It's important, no?

I didn't think this was a thread about SAHM, more about a woman ho does nothing and is therefore not able to cope with a small task (according to the OP).

Well I have to agree with that wordfactory but others prefer the split that way.

My DC have seen both parents do both roles and I got up at 08.15 to find DH had done all the cleaning.
I can hear the cries of "what- he did the cleaning"?!... but he always does the cleaning because I do the shopping, cooking and laundry.

True Freddie but discussions evolve . Back to the OP- it shows that having everything on a plate ,so to speak, doesn't necessarily make you happy .

That was my interpretation, Freddie. Someone who is rapidly deskilling and losing mastery of fairly routine skills.

It sounds like she has lost a bit of perspective through being out of the workplace. I have a friend who is a bit like this. She is desperate to get back to work, but seems to have lost a bit of confidence in her abilities. As well as that, it is difficult to get back into her field of work part time or have school cover. Problems that are surmountable (Most WOHM's manage to find childcare for the holidays), but sometimes seem insurmountable if you don't have the confidence to do something about it.

A fair few people lose perspective in the workplace.

It is a rare person who manages to have perspective on every facet of life and be skilled in everything at all times...

Indeed, Bonsoir.

So op can sahm bash working mothers who don't need to be?

Perhaps they irritate posters.

Just wondering, if she was moaning about a paid job, presumably you would listen considerately, even if you felt it was trite? Eg too much photocopying, usual office politics etc. The fact is, being a SAHM is HER JOB - she just isn't paid for it. If you consider that a nanny/childminder is paid employment, then does the SAHM not do the same job? (If not more?) The sandwich making is essentially her work day gripe. Get some empathy to her situation. Out of interest, does she lend an ear to your workday woes? I wonder how you would feel to be as judged.

If someone moaned to me about their job I'd be wondering why they weren't working towards doing something else.

yes, it's a rare thing for someone to have a moan about their job.

I don't have much patience for moaners tbh, particularly highly privileged ones.

As for getting some empathy for someone moaning about making sandwiches when they have little else to do and chose to do them in the first place, erm nope, can't find any!

IfYouLeaveMeNow, in fairness both her DC are at school and they have a cleaner. So no, she doesn't do the job of a nanny or childminder, or in fact a cleaner.

I think it depends what someone is moaning about...

If a WOHM said they were worried about making someone redundant who has a dependent family, then yes, I'd listen. If they said they were worried about meeting a deadline, I'd listen...if they were maoning about something idiotic, I wouldn't eg my airconditioned corner office doesn't have good ebough views over the Thames...

Similarly if a SAHM was airing real grievances, then yes I'd listen. Buit making sarnies?

Come on!!! The day that becomes a real problem in my life: just shoot me.