AIBU. for being worried about yelling my grown up dc Im pregnant!

[Shellywelly1973]

Im 15 weeks pregnant with 6th dc.

Oldest two are 24 ds & 21 dd. Ds doesn't live at home but dd does.

I think ds will probably be ok but dd wont be. She doesn't like her younger sister & brothers. She makes it very clear!!

I really can't hide the pregnancy much longer. Im a very small person & Im down to a couple of outfits i keep rotating to hide my bump.

I feel silly being worried about the dcs reaction. Honestly its nearly as bad as telling my mum i was expecting my now grown up dc!

Any suggestions as to how to tell them in the nicest possible way would be appreciated! !

Actually I would guess the OP would be a fab grannie, with or without her own small kids in tow. It's not as if she can't cope with more than one at once, is it? At least she actually likes and is good with small kids.

But also, is it reasonable to expect our mothers to have no life that might stop them putting our PFB first? No career, hobby, travel plans, new boyfriends? Really?

ethelb And what if a woman doesn't want to be a grandmother, doting or otherwise? Are you seriously suggesting she should put aside her own desire to have a child just in case one of her older offspring decide to sprog?

'But also, is it reasonable to expect our mothers to have no life that might stop them putting our PFB first? No career, hobby, travel plans, new boyfriends? Really?'

And our fathers, beast. I'd better inform OH that the times they are a'changing and our lives must be ones of total devotion and service.

What? My eldest is 18 and the youngest is 6 months. If ds1 had a baby in 9 months time (well his gf) having young children wouldn't stop me doting on my grandchild

@arkadyrose but why is the mum allowed to choose to not be a 'doting grandma' but the DD isn't allowed to not dote on her younger siblings without negative comment from her mother on a public forum? It swings both ways.

arkadyrose but why is the mum allowed to choose to not be a 'doting grandma' but the DD isn't allowed to not dote on her younger siblings without negative comment from her mother on a public forum? It swings both ways.

This. I don't think the daughter can really win here either, OP has now said she's a narc after every other criticism. Other than totally changing her personality, her response won't satisfy OP.

Also she may well just be immature, not have narc traits OP.

I think the DD is just a bit of an irritant to the OP, who just wants to play with her babies.

As the eldest of several siblings I find these threads where the OP blatently doesn't like their eldest much, very sad.

Maybe the DD is hard work as she knows her mother doesn't like her very much.

I don't think the daughter can really win here either, OP has now said she's a narc after every other criticism. Other than totally changing her personality, her response won't satisfy OP.

Yes, OP has made a huge number of criticisms about her daughter in this thread:

She doesn't like her younger sister & brothers. She makes it very clear!!

she's incredibly difficult to live with

i don't always like her.

We are nothing alike.

When i say i don't like her, its some of her behaviour. She very harsh towards people even friends. She has little sympathy for anyone.

She's not into children or babies. She sees them as annoying & a nuisance.

She's very like my sister& mother... Both got lots of narc traits!!

She doesn't babysit or help with the dc.

OP keeps insisting that she loves her DD and is proud of her, but I really don't see it here.

Yeah I'm afraid I agree ethelb

I tried to stay positive but the narc comment and comparison to the brother's reaction to DC5 pregnancy who didn't live there at the time showed me she can't win. What's so weird about a 21 year old not liking the noise of 3 young children when she's studying for a difficult degree? Or just not liking children in general? (I really didn't at 21)
But she's a narc who made the noise of five children when she was a child so she really needs to bugger off, eh?

Posters have even said she should move out if she isn't overjoyed. (Imagine that comment was made on the step-parenting forum...)

ethelb- Me and my mother had a baby within a year of each other, she is very much the doting grandmother.

The idea that your parents having a baby is nothing to do with you is ridiculous.

Of course it has everything to do with you. It changes your family structure and it changes family relationships.

As a child (adult or not) you have no input onto the decision, but you'd hope that most parents when considering having a child take into account the impact of that on existing children.

Each new child alters a family dynamic in some way.

If you're a young adult, new babies or a new family, could make you feel that the new younger family is more important, consumes your affections and you feel your time is over.

Anyhow, OP is pregnant, and DD not going to take it well. So OP tell her first early on, maybe feeling close to you in a sisterly womanly way will make up for any feelings of loosing her place in your maternal focus.

BTW I'm in my 40s and have teen children.

Agree, eyes. Actually, I don't know about you as perhaps you are nicer than I am, but after 20 years of SEN parenting, once I get my younger DC to be independent I am going to be less than overjoyed if I get NO break between that and doting grannidom from my eldest DC.

I love both of my children beyond reason, but I'm also trying to raise resilient, responsible and logical adults who are physically and emotionally mature and possess enough life skills to function well in society.
Hard work, and very long term but I think we are winning. They can both be very challenging to live with on occasion, sometimes it's the teenager and sometimes it's the AS but it has been volatile on several occasions.
But they grew up, and are continuing to do so.
Maturing, learning a sense of perspective and proportion. Understanding that their adulthood brings all of us freedoms in different ways.
So sulky flounces and feeling rejected and huffing about things that they really shouldn't dropped off round about 16 or 17.
But neither of them show any signs of wanting to have children of their own yet, so I'm hoping for a decade or so of peace. If they ever do decide...

@eyes but cant you see that is just as bad as what many posters are criticism the dd for supposedly doing? Having an opinion on another woman's fertility. Why is it ok for you to have an opinion on your children's fertility but not ok for the dd of the op to have a potential preference.

I don't have any opinion on my children's fertility, or their willingness to breed or even their sex lives you twit!
DS want to live surrounded by cats, and good luck to him.
I want them to be happy, independent and considerate of others. Decent human beings in fact.

Shit... I was wondering what happened to this thread...thanyou Mrs De Vere & Eyesunderarock

Some sensible people are still posting...

Not sure why frogspoon is getting such a hard time here - frogspoon, I think you sound very mature for your age and I applaud your honesty.

It must be hard being the 21 year old dd with so many younger siblings taking up the mother's time and I can understand it would get to her.

I can't imagen my 18 year old sulking because he was having a new sibling. He's way too busy working, going out and enjoying himself to be upset that a new baby might take some of my attention away from him

I love it when I get to the end of a thread, thinking 'what the fuck', and find someone else has already said it all.

In this case, I agree with MrsDevere.

Adult children should behave like adults.

A wanted pregnancy is something to be celebrated.

Good Gods I'm feeling old. This isn't so much a generation gap as a chasm.
Mrs DV, if you want me I'll be in the Old Bats Corner, grumbling into my stout and walloping my offspring with a stick at the first sign of ingratitude.

Compromise my lovelies, the secret of a long and happy life where you are still talking to your relations of all generations.

'Blimey.
I love my children. Every one of them. I always will.'

Even if they make you grandmother to cats? And visitors ask probing questions about the family photos?