AIBU. for being worried about yelling my grown up dc Im pregnant!

[Shellywelly1973]

Im 15 weeks pregnant with 6th dc.

Oldest two are 24 ds & 21 dd. Ds doesn't live at home but dd does.

I think ds will probably be ok but dd wont be. She doesn't like her younger sister & brothers. She makes it very clear!!

I really can't hide the pregnancy much longer. Im a very small person & Im down to a couple of outfits i keep rotating to hide my bump.

I feel silly being worried about the dcs reaction. Honestly its nearly as bad as telling my mum i was expecting my now grown up dc!

Any suggestions as to how to tell them in the nicest possible way would be appreciated! !

Erm frogspoon, my asking about if some people have a chip on their shoulder wasn't aimed at you but at people who were having a go at you about your opinion. Read my post again as I don't think you understood what I said!

Frogspoon are you reading what everyone else is? you come across as a know it all brat!!

I see we have succumbed to childish name calling. How very mature.

Frogspoon, you don't come across as a brat, you have just hit a nerve for some people... Ignore!

"Her daughter is a vulnerable young woman, and needs support and attention from her mother, not criticism."

Seriously?! Being a young adult does not make you vulnerable.

I can't believe the people talking about this grown woman as if she was a child! Feeling rejected and not getting enough attention from mummy! The cult of childhood has really gone deep in some of you people.

She's years into adulthood. She is not a toddler. She needs to grow up, as do some of the posters here who seem to think she should be indulged like a baby.

I think the OP has had some really unfair criticism on this thread. It sounds like the dd has a bloody marvellous life - freedom to study and no responsibility for rent/living expenses and can spend her money on going out and having fun. She's got her own room and her own bathroom - even I don't have my own bathroom and I own this bloody house!

In exchange for all this, her mum doesn't even ask her to do any babysitting or even cook her own dinner.

My mum had twins when I was 15 - I was a pretty self absorbed and selfish teenager, but even I helped out a bit.

OP, the very least your dd can do is say congratulations and not make you feel bad or uncomfortable for making a choice that you have every right to make.

If she was mine, I'd be asking for more of a contribution to family life - I don't mean money, but I do mean not opting out of any involvement.

And it's perfectly okay to dislike certain behaviour in a loved one.

No! MY generation had it worst! Have you ever tasted any of the food that came out of the 70s??!! Have you? Huh? Huh?

I am amazed at the hand wringing re the op's daughter.

Hilarious and bizarre.

She's 21 and an adult. I'm not terribly dissimilar in age I wholly disagree that she needs to be mollycoddled at her age.

'No! MY generation had it worst! Have you ever tasted any of the food that came out of the 70s??!! Have you? Huh? Huh?'

Yes, and I was vegetarian!
Findus crispy pancakes and curled up cheddar sandwiches was a significant proportion of my diet. And many vegetables, boiled to eliminate any taste, texture or possible nutritional value.

My mother had a pressure cooker! Meat in the bottom, potatoes in the middle, cabbage and broccoli in the top. Pressure cook for an hour or so.
An entire dinner with every component the same colour and flavour! And both were 'grey'!
The youth of today don't know they are born!

I spent the first 20 years of my life thinking broccoli was fecking YELLOW!

Saggy, perhaps we should form a support group for survivors and stop being flippant on this thread?
I do want to know how the OP's DD took the news, and I really hope that they do reach a compromise.
Because that was the other thing about the majority of 70s parenting. The children didn't get a say in what happened. The grown-ups made the decisions and you were stuck with them, from food to where you lived to being told to leave home at 18 if that's what your parents wanted.

Sorry. I got carried away! I totally want to know how it went. I really hope that it went well and the OPs DD makes her proud.

DS and DD are 17 years apart. DS has no meaningful relationship with DD as far as I can see.

DS wasn't keen on me having another baby, although he understood it was my decision.

To all of the posters who say not to worry, that the older DC love the baby once it is here, this is not always true. I would not describe the feelings DS has for DD as love, nowhere near.
He tolerates DD, sometimes easily, sometimes not easily, and sometimes he doesn't tolerate her at all.
There is no love lost from DS to DD, yet DD adores him.

I only tolerate my sister and she's 10 months younger than me, most days I don't even tolerate her.

Sock

I am in the main the same with my younger brother. 8 years between us age wise but we are poles apart in personality. We will never be close.

OP, just want to say, first of all, congrats, and I wish you a healthy pregnancy.
Re your DD, maybe it is time for her to wake up and smell the coffee... I am not, for one minute criticising you. You sound like a great mum. I would simply suggest that she needs to start pulling her weight around the house. Give yourself a break, and stop doing everything for her. If she has to start doing her own washing and ironing etc, she will be better prepared for the big bad world...into which she will need to move sooner rather than later.
I am a child of the 70s, left school in the throes of the horrible recessionary times of the early 80s, went to college, and got a job, and most definitely do not subscribe to the notion that life was easier back then.
Once again, all the very best for your pregnancy, and take good care of yourself.

You obv need to tell dd as will be obvious soon you are preg

How did she react when you last told her - think you said you have a 6yr? So would have been 14ish last time so prob diff as a sulky teenager

And don't forget it takes 2 to tango so be interesting if dd is also the same way with your oh

Blodes Op said her daughter was disinterested but not rude.

Blondes

My god there are some overgrown children on this thread!

This woman is 21 years old! That's an adult - a fully grown adult and not one bit vulnerable or dependent.

The only mistake the OP has made is indulging her DD to the point where she is living at home and being treated like a 6 year old.

Congratulations Shelly - your DD has had 21 years of mothering, she's got her money's worth out of you. If you want to have another 10 babies now go ahead! It's your life and the only other adult you owe any discussion to is your DP.

Sorry i haven't replied since Thursday. Working all day yesterday.

I haven't seen dd since Thursday & she's working today so will see her tomorrow. I will tell her tomorrow. Im 16 weeks on Tuesday so really can't keep putting it off.

I dont do dd ironing. I cook every day anyway & i have an enormous 11 kg washing machine so if Im putting a wash on Tuesday& its not full i putting some of dd stuff in. She does have it good. In many ways i really relate to posters saying how different it was a few years ago. I feel like that but i don't want things to be as hard for my dc as it was for me.

I left home at 16. Young baby, no partner, minimal family support & worked 2 jobs.

I do realise I've over compensated!

I do think its hard for people in their teens & twenties. My ds graduated last year. He has a job now but it was very difficult to get & 9 months of job applications. I think younger people are frustrated with how things are as they were promised so much whereas when i was a teenager you were told to be grateful for everything & anything.