AIBU. for being worried about yelling my grown up dc Im pregnant!

[Shellywelly1973]

Im 15 weeks pregnant with 6th dc.

Oldest two are 24 ds & 21 dd. Ds doesn't live at home but dd does.

I think ds will probably be ok but dd wont be. She doesn't like her younger sister & brothers. She makes it very clear!!

I really can't hide the pregnancy much longer. Im a very small person & Im down to a couple of outfits i keep rotating to hide my bump.

I feel silly being worried about the dcs reaction. Honestly its nearly as bad as telling my mum i was expecting my now grown up dc!

Any suggestions as to how to tell them in the nicest possible way would be appreciated! !

I would put it off announcing the pregnancy until 20 weeks if possible for lots of reasons not just dd. But as Im not quite 5'& small frame as well as this being my 6th dc and those tummy muscles are a little bit knackered...i doubt i can hide it for much longer.

Ironically when i was expecting dd21 i hid it from my mum until i was 24 weeks.

Did Shelly mention having any children with ASD on this thread?
Sorry, I forgot, we're not allowed to remember any details from other freds are we?

Are you still living at home frogspoon?
At the moment, yes. I did move out for a while, but right now I've temporarily moved back home. Hoping to move out again soon.

But I wouldn't want my parents to have another baby whether I lived at home or not.

"I wouldn't want my parents to have another baby whether I lived at home or not".

It's got NOTHING to do with you.

Sparkly sorry, but I don't really understand the pint of your post. Not everyone matures at the same rate and not everyone has the right mentality or maturity or financial means to be independent at 21. I wasn't financially independent until about 2 months ago and I'm 24. I was at university for four years and graduated with an arts degree into an awful job market two years ago. I've only just managed to leave home.

Yes, the OP is perfectly entitled to have another baby, but that doesn't mean that her DD isn't allowed to be upset or uncomfortable with the idea.

Thinking about it, at 21 when I was in a similar scenario to OP's daughter, studying, no children, not a particular fan of them (all the same as me at 21) and imagining I had such younger siblings, my honest reaction (not one I'd share with her I stress!!) would be to just think: Why? FFS why? Are you going to have another child? Do I have to bloody babysit? Etc etc.

Again I stress I wouldn't have shared this with my mother, but other than having much younger siblings I was pretty similar to the DD, and a big angry WHY would be at the forefront of my mind. Being childless and at that stage of my life, I would believe she was being selfish and I wouldn't really want much to do with the pregnancy. I can only assume this part, but I imagine once my sibling had arrived I would love them but not be particularly 'sisterly' with them, perhaps more maternal when I was older and liked children. I really didn't at that age.

I hope OP you're not too wounded if she or your eldest son aren't too interested in the pregnancy or bond to DC6 like your younger children will. It doesn't mean they won't love him/her.

I think you should tell them as soon as you feel medically comfortable and allow everything to go over your head for a peaceful pregnancy unless DD actually comes out with mouthy comments. Difference between thinking things and voicing nasty/cruel questions to your pregnant DM!

I hope that wasn't too brutal. Just trying to think about her response to sonograms, sex announcement, etc etc and how best for you to deal with it.

But frogspoon, as Im sure you know, its not your decision as to whether your parents have another child is it <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Smile" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/smile-iCO8d7ST.png"> and Im sure you would be grown up about it and congratulate your Mum and not sulk.

Slow typer.

Yes, the OP is perfectly entitled to have another baby, but that doesn't mean that her DD isn't allowed to be upset or uncomfortable with the idea.

This exactly.

I never said OP shouldn't have another baby. I just said that her daughter will probably be understandably unhappy about it and as I am in a similar age group to her, I can relate.

But frogspoon, as Im sure you know, its not your decision as to whether your parents have another child is it and Im sure you would be grown up about it and congratulate your Mum and not sulk.

You're right, like most things I am unhappy about would hide the fact that I was miserable for my whole family in order to make them happy, even at the expense of my own happiness.

It's why I ended up on anti-depressants and having counselling for depression by the time I was 18 (it would have been sooner, but I had to hide it until I was at uni, so was unable to see a doctor until then)

Besides, by the time DC6 is here and at an age that OP's daughter may be more affectionate to children, she could well have moved out/be pregnant/off doing a wonderful career and her relationship with DC6 could really surprise you!

OP I really wouldn't worry about it, your DD is old enough to be able to understand and I'm sure she will.

Frogspoon why exactly would you hate your parents to have another child?

I guess I must be lucky. My oldest is a bit younger, 17, but he was thrilled and excited at the idea of having a baby sister 2 years ago, as were my other DC. They are equally thrilled to be due another sibling in September/October.

I agree with that post Frogspoon. I would congratulate, but I'd have distanced myself from the pregnancy for the best of everyone. I just wouldn't want to know. I imagine it will be much easier when DC6 is here and the newborn stage has passed.

It is an interesting topic, never thought about these sort of age gaps and the sort of relationships siblings might have due to them.

Midori I imagine it's because there's such an age gap between her elder brother and herself, and her younger three (four ) siblings. She's at a completely different stage of her life, doesn't much fancy children so yes, is most likely selfishly thinking about how this will impact her life.

I do think however unless she is mouthy there's no reason for OP to allow her/her DS1's disinterest to hurt her. I'm sure it will be different when DC6 is actually here.

I am fully aware that people mature at different rates, however some behaviours and attitudes are unacceptable beyond certain ages, learning difficulties aside and if you're are stomping around whining about your mothers reproductive choices at an ADULT age then you need to be told to wind your neck in pronto.

If you feel it will affect you on a practical level then you as an ADULT will need to address that by moving out or accepting the situation gracefully, given that your parents have accepted at huge personal and financial cost that they will continue to support you beyond the age when you became an adult legally, in order to give you a great start in life that will no doubt continue to benefit YOU for the rest of your life.

You honestly think under those circumstances that you have a right to moan about your parents choice to add to THEIR family because it doesn't suit YOU, someone who wont even be living there in a couple of years? I am honestly at some of the entitled and inappropriate attitudes from so called adults on this thread.

There was more noise in shared house and more late nights in my final year than a baby could EVER had contributed to!

Frogspoon why exactly would you hate your parents to have another child?

Because it would be a weird relationship which would make me feel uncomfortable. A child young enough to be my own child, but who is actually my sibling.

My siblings and I are fairly close in age, we grew up together. Even when we argue, our live experiences together as siblings keeps us close. It would just make me feel uncomfortable to have a "sibling" who did not have that bond.

Sparkly Genuine question, would it be acceptable behaviour from the OP's daughter to not have an active interest in the pregnancy?

I hope I'm not one of the 'so called adults' with attitude, I'm trying to help as well.

I'd just tell her I think. It'll give her longer to get used to the idea (if she needs it), and I think the longer you leave it, the more worried you'll get about it!

As an adult, I think she should be polite about it and congratulate you, even if she does moan to her friends about it!

I can understand how they could feel a bit left out though. 12, 8, 5 and baby is a fairly normal 'young' family, and then you have DD (and DS, but he's away, so it might not bother him so much?) stuck a bit in the middle. She doesn't quite fit with the adults or the children.

But fingers crossed it won't be as bad as you're anticipating And congratulations!

There is a major age difference between my dd and ds, and apart from dd having to get over the shock of her parents having sex at our ancient age, the bond between them is very strong, they adore each other. Blimey, she even managed to do well in her exams whilst he was a newborn.

You honestly think under those circumstances that you have a right to moan about your parents choice to add to THEIR family because it doesn't suit YOU, someone who wont even be living there in a couple of years?

Except that it's not just the OPs family. It's her DDs family too. This sibling will always be part of her DDs life. You make it sound as if the OPs DD is not part of that daily, when in fact she still lives at home. The new baby will have a massive impact on her life, especially right now.

No of of course it is not her choice. But people shouldn't just expect her to have no opinion on it whatsoever.

Polka you put exactly what I've been trying to say all thread in one post. Your post is exactly what I meant.

I suppose so. If I was the mother I certainly wouldn't try to force it, but I don't expect to have negative opinions foisted on me either. I would welcome reassuring my children that I would not be expecting any babysitting duties etc unless they wanted to and listen to any other concerns but ultimately I would not be pussy footing around them over it.

But maybe that's the difference I don't expect a great deal from people unless they want to give it and I hope for the same attitudes in return.

No one says she can't have an opinion but apart from expressing some concerns on how it may affect her and/or making it clear up front what her input will be, if any, the ONLY acceptable response here is congratulations and a hug, whatever you may think privately.

Any adult who responds otherwise and upsets their pregnant mother and makes her miserable whining about how THEY might be affected is nothing more than a spoilt, entitled brat.