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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be shocked & angry that my DM and DMIL are not on my marriage certificate?!

148 replies

nameequality · 05/08/2013 22:23

I married in 2001 in Church of England church. I've recently realised that my DF and DFIL's names are on there but not DM and DMIL's.

I can't seem to find out from googling if this is still the case in Church of England marriages or in registry offices.

I can see some images of civil partnership certificates on line which do show mothers.

Anyone get married recently who can let me know what their certificates say?

AIBU to be upset that mothers are invisible on these important documents?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 05/08/2013 22:27

In 1999 mothers were not on marriage certificates.

HTH

northernlurker · 05/08/2013 22:28

The fathers names are only on there because they've signed as witnesses aren't they? Mine is the same - actually worse because I'm not on it.

Forgot to sign it..............

It got sorted out the next day. I'm sure your mum etc could have been on it and probably more are now but in times past the dads did it. Pretty sure I've seen the Queen Mother's signature on the Queens though. Will look it up....

Blu · 05/08/2013 22:30

YANBU

The CoE have 't exactly shown a speedy rush towards eliminating sex discrimination, so who knows what they do now .

Original poster
nameequality · 05/08/2013 22:35

No the fathers are there as fathers in a space called fathers. Witnesses is a separate line and ours were best man and bridesmaid.

OP posts:
kim147 · 05/08/2013 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle · 05/08/2013 22:37

When I got married in 2002, the registrar pointed out that unless DM and DMIL were witnesses, they wouldn't be on the certificate. So we had them as witnesses, and DF and DFIL were there anyway because they are stated on the cert.

QuintessentiallyOhDear · 05/08/2013 22:38

Registry office wedding, fathers mentioned, not mothers.

I cant remember what year I got married. Sad Possibly in 1999?

BeansAndToast · 05/08/2013 22:38

That's how it sounds to me as well, Kim. Why would the father turn up on there? Surely the birth certificate or whatever ID you used to proof you are yourself should be enough, no need for parents' names on there? Very odd.

snickersnacker · 05/08/2013 22:38

Four years ago I had to give my marital status as 'spinster' on the banns application - progress appears to be slow in the Church of England...

snickers251 · 05/08/2013 22:39

I got married June last year in a venue so civil partnership and only the fathers are on mine.

Seems a bit sad really as my father was barely around as a child Hmm

kim147 · 05/08/2013 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wineandchoccy · 05/08/2013 22:40

Married in 2008, fathers named but we had our Mums as our witnesses so they are on it.

mrslyman · 05/08/2013 22:40

I got married in 2009 and my DM & MIL are both on it. I got married in NI though not sure if they have different registration procedures to other parts of the UK.

freezation · 05/08/2013 22:41

northernlurker both dads names and occupations are on my marriage certificate but the mums were the witnesses. I got married 2 years ago. I guess it's tradition. Doesn't make it right though!

Original poster
nameequality · 05/08/2013 22:41

example church of England certificate

OP posts:
squalorvictoria · 05/08/2013 22:41

It's a throwback to the patriarchal olden days. I've done a bit of genealogy research and I've got copies of marriage certificates from the late 1800s that look pretty much identical to today's marriage certificates with name and occupation of the bride and groom's fathers.

mrslyman · 05/08/2013 22:42

Oh my word is northern Ireland being progressive on this issue

Waiting2wait2wait · 05/08/2013 22:42

We got married in 2011, but Church of Scotland, so Scottish marriage cert. Both of our mothers and fathers are on our certificate in the space reserved for their names, not as a witness. I don't know if this has always been the case in Scotland, or if it is a recent change.

I would agree with you, I think if one is going to be on there, both should be or neither.

freezation · 05/08/2013 22:42

Massive cross post...

Original poster
nameequality · 05/08/2013 22:43

kim147 I think you have the correct analysis.

I think I will start a petition to get this changed!

OP posts:
chattychattyboomba · 05/08/2013 22:45

Well for what it's worth, I was only able to apply for my British citizenship by decent from my father as after 1984 the law was changed that by decent, you may no longer be eligible through the mother's line (which in my case was my British Born Grandmother -maternal)
It's pretty fucked up. Lucky Dad is British.

BeansAndToast · 05/08/2013 22:45

So what happens if you don't want your dad's name on there? Mine is on the birth certificate but has died now and we were not in contact before that. I'd rather not have his name on there somehow.

Theoretical issue at the moment but I am wondering.

kim147 · 05/08/2013 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrozenFlowers · 05/08/2013 22:47

Yes, we also have a Scottish Marriage Certificate (married in a Scottish Episcopal church a few years ago), and both parents are on there. They weren't witnesses though - we had the best man and the bridesmaid for that.

LeftyLucy · 05/08/2013 22:47

My 2005 Scottish registry office one has both sets of parents.