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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be shocked & angry that my DM and DMIL are not on my marriage certificate?!

148 replies

nameequality · 05/08/2013 22:23

I married in 2001 in Church of England church. I've recently realised that my DF and DFIL's names are on there but not DM and DMIL's.

I can't seem to find out from googling if this is still the case in Church of England marriages or in registry offices.

I can see some images of civil partnership certificates on line which do show mothers.

Anyone get married recently who can let me know what their certificates say?

AIBU to be upset that mothers are invisible on these important documents?

OP posts:

AhoyMcCoy · 05/08/2013 22:48

Got married two months ago in a Catholic Churcj, and yes, our marriage certificate has our names and occupations, plus our fathers names and occupations. No mention of mothers.

Fathers weren't witnesses, they are just there because the section says "Fathers details" and the priest had asked for that information when we met with him a few weeks before.

grumpyoldbat · 05/08/2013 22:48

Scottish certificates have had both parents names since 1855. Progressive :)

OrangeLily · 05/08/2013 22:49

In Scotland, I think we have all parents and we have Mothers as witnesses anyway.

Original poster

nameequality · 05/08/2013 23:06

Well done Scotland & Northern Ireland. No reason for England and Wales not to change then!

OP posts:

kim147 · 05/08/2013 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 05/08/2013 23:10

I suspect it is just because it has never been queried - it started in 1837- now would be a good time for change rather than blindly following 'what has always been done'.

Original poster

nameequality · 06/08/2013 00:03

I've set up a petition on change.org.

don't think MN allows links to petitions but you can find it via my twitter @nameequality

BTW am MN regular but incognito to avoid being outed.

OP posts:

doctorblue · 06/08/2013 00:17

I had a register office wedding last year in England, both fathers & occupations on form and mothers signed as witnesses.

I'd rather petition for the parents' details to be removed entirely, I don't see why they need to be on there at all. I have a ds from a former abusive relationship whose father isn't on his birth certificate and I'm sure there are many people who aren't in contact with their parents and wouldn't want to be reminded of them or have to explain themselves when getting married.

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:19

Good God. Why has this never occurred to me !

Fox82 · 06/08/2013 00:31

I was married by a registrar in January this year in England. Names and occupations of me, DH, Dfil and DF were all needed. It was a shame really as my mums partner has brought me up but had to feature as a witness, not as DF

I was lead to believe it was for tracing family lines etc so can see why DF's are detailed, but can't see why DM's aren't on there too

missingmumxox · 06/08/2013 00:54

and whilst I agree, your mother is proven on your Birth cert, fathers unless you are married (might of changed can only be on it if present for registration?) fathers throughout time have been omitted from birth certs through choice or not, so therefore a little more illusive so proved legitimacy, if on a marriage cert that leaves a trace for future generations to follow, my mother was not alive when I married.

SkinnedAlive · 06/08/2013 02:41

It is shocking! My father is down as 'unknown' on my birth certificate, and I can imagine these days that may be the case for many people. If he had been on my birth certificate, given that my mother brought me up with no money or imput whatsoever from him, and that I have only met him once in my life, I would be very unhappy if he HAD to be put on my marriage certificate in preference to her. As my mother is dead she could not be a witness. I would feel strongly enough about this not to get married in England if it was unavoidable. I am Scottish anyway and will never marry so is a moot point, but its really quite horrible.

garlicagain · 06/08/2013 02:57

Doesn't MN allow petitions? I didn't know that ... www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/mother-s-names-should-be-on-marriage-certificates
:)

MrsMook · 06/08/2013 03:33

We had a CoE wedding in 2009 so both our deceased fathers are listed.

I referred to my "dad", not my biological father who I had met for the first time the previous year. I did ask if this was OK, and there was no legal obligation to list my biological father.

bornagaindomesticgoddess · 06/08/2013 03:40

Well, just think yourself lucky you don't live in Pakistan. That has whether or not you are a virgin on it!

ComposHat · 06/08/2013 05:13

Scottish registry office wedding this summer. Both our parents and their occupations are listed. I had no idea that you unsophisticated heathens folk south of the border were trapped in a time warp.

Tee2072 · 06/08/2013 05:21

I was married in NI in 2009 at registry office.I'll have to look to see if our moms are on there.

I do know it says I was a spinster.

BillStickersIsInnocent · 06/08/2013 06:33

I was told (2010) it's for future family historians. I was very miffed about it. My mother is a Professor and lead in her field. My dad is amazing but differently important

Really really sad that future genealogists won't learn about this.

Yes to a campaign. I'm in!

ajandjjmum · 06/08/2013 07:00

That's really interesting. We asked our Dads to be witnesses, and I've just checked our marriage cert as I would have sworn their was no mention of them in any other capacity - but you're absolutely right - their names and occupations are included.

Wish we'd asked our Mums to be witnesses now, so that everyone was included.

Shrugged · 06/08/2013 07:05

I'm all for a campaign. I complained about this in the middle of my wedding last year. It was like we'd never had mothers.

Weasleyismyking · 06/08/2013 07:07

We got married in England in 2008 and I made a massive stink about this. The registra said it was changing just not quite in time for our wedding.
I just assumed it had changed by now!

Tee2072 · 06/08/2013 07:08

Yes, my NI registry office marriage certificate has both of our mothers' full names and occupations on it.

I am shocked that NI is in the forefront of this! We're always behind the times.

exoticfruits · 06/08/2013 07:10

I would hate it to be missed off- it is invaluable for family history- if you buy a certificate you want as much information as possible. It should however have the mother's occupation too. I feel sure that it is just because it hasn't been thought about and we need a campaign. Since so many people do family history we most definitely need the mother added and not the father missed off.

MrsBungle · 06/08/2013 07:17

Yep my Scottish 2006 certificate has both parents names and occupations. Space specifically for them and separate spaces for two witnesses.

Original poster

nameequality · 06/08/2013 07:19

I've done family history research too and it means you are sometimes not certain you are looking at the right persons records when you can't reference their mother.

petition link

OP posts:

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