AIBU to be shocked & angry that my DM and DMIL are not on my marriage certificate?!

[nameequality]

I married in 2001 in Church of England church. I've recently realised that my DF and DFIL's names are on there but not DM and DMIL's.

I can't seem to find out from googling if this is still the case in Church of England marriages or in registry offices.

I can see some images of civil partnership certificates on line which do show mothers.

Anyone get married recently who can let me know what their certificates say?

AIBU to be upset that mothers are invisible on these important documents?

[Rainbowdrop8]

poledra it must be the same in NI because we were married by a religious minister in a old converted stable.

Mothers names and occupations on our certificate also ( trying to define my mothers occupation was quite difficult!)

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

Thanks Wine, that's good to know. I still think there should be the option for both parents to be on, if that's what the DC want.

[Elsiequadrille]

"I think I will start a petition to get this changed!"

Good idea. It does seem rather archaic.

[ineedtogetoutmore]

it's fathers only I think as it lists their occupations dh and I asked dm and dmil to be witnesses so everyone is on there lol

[eurochick]

I hadn't noticed this (not sure I have ever looked at our wedding certificate!). I did however notice that when we went to give notice before our weddng, they only asked for my father's profession. It really is archaic. This was in 2010, btw.

[5madthings]

Wow glad this has been noticed, will happily sign the form.

Can someone who knows about these things also explain to me why when we registered the madthings dp has to sign the form first,'there is a line for parents to sign on and the dad has to sign first on the line? I asked what would happen if I signed first on the lien and they said they would have to rip it up and start again!

But when a mother registers a baby on her own I am assuming she just signs on the lien and its not an issue? But if both parents are there the father has to sign first?!!

[Poledra]

5madthings, when DH registered our first two DCs, I was not present, so he signed. When we registered DC3, I was there. The registrar asked who was registering the birth, so I said me, as DH had done the previous two. So, as I was named as the person who was registering the birth, I signed first. perhaps your registrar fell into the patriarchal trap of assuming your DH was registering the birth, as he was present and didn't ask who was officially registering the child (this was in England, BTW).

[5madthings]

Hmm perhaps but I asked if there were any circumstances where I could sing first and he said no and it was me registering them as we are not married, so I had to register but dp had to be there so he could be named on the certificate.

I asked about this EACH time we registered, the last time was 2.5urs ago. Not planning on having anymore tho!

[rockybalboa]

Nope, nothing about mothers. Fathers name ( and occupation maybe although I might be wrong about that) only. I think this is why lots of people get their mothers to be the witnesses. We didn't. Whoops.

[themaltesefalcon]

How very archaic and unpleasant!

I just checked my New Zealand marriage certificate. Both my parents and both the in-laws are on there. Which is as it should be.

[crazykat]

We married in 2009 and it has my dad and FIL name and occupation but we were told it doesn't have to be on. TBH I'd rather have had DH stepdad on as his dad is a total arse and has pretty much nothing to do with us or our DCs.

I'd have loved to have my mum on it but there wasn't an option for it. There should be the option for both/either parent to be on it.

[CommanderShepard]

I married in 2008. Our fathers' names are on there which annoyed me as I am estranged from mine and I didn't want him on it though was told he had to be

I share your frustration re mothers not being on the certificate; we got round it by asking our mams to witness.

[garlicagain]

Well, just think yourself lucky you don't live in Pakistan. That has whether or not you are a virgin on it!

[marriedinwhiteisback]

We were married in 1990. I have never thought about it to be perfectly honest. The certificate was completed in the vestry and I don't remember any names other than DF and FIL on it so I imagine they were the witnesses. My parents were divorced but I loved my father and he loved me. My mother is on my birth certificate for tracing purposes.

The only issue we, well I, have had is that a pension fund asked for a certified copy of the certificate and DH got very oedantic and said it was a certified copy and it was technically wrong to demand a certified copy of a certified copy!!

What strikes me with all the talk of estranged fathers is that it is awfully sad that such a sacred union is so often entered into without sufficient thought and true love prevailing. What I remember most from our wedding was the spirituality of the vows and the blessing of the rings and the promises before God - not the piece of paper formalising it. That was the important and the enduring part for me.

Will get the cert out when we get home and have a good look at it. All I remember of the signing is the photographer tellin my dh to put his arm round me and not to pinch me bum which made for a very spontaneous happy picture which was and is one of the nicest :)

[CommanderShepard]

Please tell me that I read you wrong and you didn't mean that I shouldn't have got married because my father and I don't love each other.

[nameequality]

Anyone else feel like signing and sharing?

link

[QueenStromba]

My parents' 1970s Republic of Ireland marriage certificate has all of my grandparents on it (and none of their occupations).

You're wrong about the citizenship issue chattychattyboomba - prior to 1983 you could only claim citizenship through your father. They changed the rules on the 1st of January 1983 so that you can also claim citizenship from your mother but they can't make these rules retroactive which means that if you were born before then you can only claim citizenship from your father but if you were born after that then you can claim from either parent. You've never been able to claim British citizenship through your father if your parents have never been married though.

I was born not long before the change and I was annoyed because my mum was born here. I later found out that my father was actually born here too so I was able to get a British passport that way. That's also why I have my parents' marriage certificate.

It really annoyed me that they only cared about my estranged father and it was quite galling having to buy his birth certificate. When I get married he's definitely not going on the certificate - I'm glad that's an option because I do want to marry DP one day and I don't want my father to have anything to do with it.

[QueenStromba]

Don't mind Marriedinwhite CommanderShepard - she's rather Christian and has some archaic views sometimes.

[whatsonyourplate]

I got married in May and yes the fathers and their professions are listed. It seemed strange in these times as don't know what you'd put if your dad was unemployed? Also you don't have to verify it so you could just make up a posh sounding job title and confuse future genealogists.

[AnnabelleLee]

You're shocked and angry that a outdated patriarchal ceremony you were involved in is indeed outdated and patriarchal? And it also took you 12 years to notice whose names were on your marriage cert?

On the ball there, aren't you?

[ComposHat]

what you'd put if your dad was unemployed?

Freelance inflation reducer.

Having a Scottish wedding certificate, it has my mother-in-law's name on it.

The game she went before the wedding, she was very lucky that she didn't have deceased in brackets though. I like the Les Dawson's joke about being asked how he'd like to talk to his mother-in-law, the answer being 'through a medium.'

[nameequality]

Yes 12 years ago I was not a feminist.

And funnily enough I've not been staring at the certificate for the last 12 years.

[ComposHat]

I quite like MarriedinWhite she's a Tory and a traditional Christian, but I really like her for some reason, although we'd probably regard each other with mutual suspicion in real life.

In fact she's the own Tory I like apart from Ken Clark.

[AnnabelleLee]

I'm more shocked that you had to realise you were a feminist.

It's a marriage certificate. What do you think marriage was intended for other than as legal ownership of a woman? Of course the certificate registers the passing of ownership from a father to a husband. But I can't help thinking so what, if you choose to get married in a church you have to go by their rules, no matter how stupid and old-fashioned. thats what you signed up for.