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AIBU?

AIBU to be shocked & angry that my DM and DMIL are not on my marriage certificate?!

148 replies

nameequality · 05/08/2013 22:23

I married in 2001 in Church of England church. I've recently realised that my DF and DFIL's names are on there but not DM and DMIL's.

I can't seem to find out from googling if this is still the case in Church of England marriages or in registry offices.

I can see some images of civil partnership certificates on line which do show mothers.

Anyone get married recently who can let me know what their certificates say?

AIBU to be upset that mothers are invisible on these important documents?

OP posts:

Report

marriedinwhiteisback · 06/08/2013 18:06

You read it wrong Commander. What I meant was that I loved my father so I didn't have a problem with him being on my marriage certificate.

QueenStromba · 06/08/2013 18:14

The problem is that it's not just the church - it's registry office certificates too.

Marriage is no longer about transferring the ownership of a woman from her father to her husband. There are plenty of legal reasons why it makes sense to get married even as a feminist.

By marrying, you get to choose your husband as your next of kin for legal and medical issues rather than the default option of your parents - I would much rather DP was the one to decide on medical issues if I was incapacitated than my estranged father who barely even knows me as a person but until we get married my father could turn up and call the shots.

Widows and widowers have an automatic right to a share of their spouse's pension. Some pension schemes allow partners to collect but not all.

Women generally take a big hit to their career when they have children, being married to the father of your children gives you more legal protection against being completely screwed over if he decides to leave.

I'm sure other posters can come up with more good reasons.

kim147 · 06/08/2013 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhiteisback · 06/08/2013 18:18

Praise indeed compos. I agree with most of Ken Clarke's philosophy.

nameequality · 06/08/2013 18:25

Annabelle this also applies in civil ceremonies not just churches.

OP posts:

kinkyfuckery · 06/08/2013 18:27

I got married in Scotland in 2005 and all four parents are listed on the certificate.

nameequality · 06/08/2013 18:31

Yes the law is different in Scotland.

OP posts:

kim147 · 06/08/2013 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VileWoman · 06/08/2013 18:36

Another married in Scotland (2000) with all paernts listed with profession. We also put maiden names (not married names) on gravestones. Much better all round!

Yama · 06/08/2013 18:37

We married in 2009 (in Scotland) Both mothers, both fathers and all of their job titles.

Get with the programme England!

exoticfruits · 06/08/2013 23:12

People will keep mentioning whether they were married in a church or not- that has nothing to do with it- a marriage certificate is universal and it is the state that produces them. It has nothing to do with the church, except that if it wasn't signed the marriage wouldn't be legal.

nameequality · 07/08/2013 10:45

There are 100 signatures now. Please sign here.

Just think if your DC get married and you are on their certificate you'll know that you helped to change this outdated law!

OP posts:

astrowatch · 07/08/2013 11:28

I didn't like having to put my father's job on the certificate. He was trained in a profession but his job when I married was a low-skilled one as he'd been made redundant. The registrar was fine with me giving his former profession.

We didn't have a church wedding but the register office certificate is the same. We got married for most of the reasons QueenStromba mentions - plus for us there are immigration rights (DH is not a UK citizen), inheritance tax and various financial benefits like health and dental cover/travel insurance through DH's work.

BeaLola · 07/08/2013 11:53

In England & Wales only Fathers details are entered on to the certificate & if deceased at time of wedding this will be recorded after his full name.

The only 2 things that have changed in recent years is that you can have a legally acquired step-father added instead of a biological Father & since Civil Partnerships came in someone who has not been married before is referred to as Single rather than Bachelor or Spinster.

DancingLola · 07/08/2013 12:02

I got married last year & was surprised to find this too. It annoyed me, as DH's dad isn't part of our lives (he was invited to the wedding, said he was coming then didn't turn up & we haven't heard from him since!) so why should he get a mention on our marriage certificate?? I wanted his profession stated as 'utter wanker'...

Would have been nice to have our mums details on there, I hope it's changed for the future so if my sons get married I get a mention!

smokinaces · 07/08/2013 12:12

I married in 2005 and there was only space for fathers (England, registry office)

Ex-FIL is on there. My space is blank. I chose not to have him on there because I have had nothing to do with him for 14 years now. The registrar was fine with this. Sadly I also didnt want my maiden name on there (just my name I changed to by deed poll when I was 18) and this was agreed until the day of my wedding when they pulled me in pre ceremony and told me my previous name had to appear :-( Was and still am devastated by that, I filled in the divorce paperwork recently and it still upset me that the name I shared with him that I chose to rid myself of is written on it.

EvenBetter · 07/08/2013 12:13

Married in a non religious ceremony in Northern Ireland 2 years ago and both mothers (and fathers) are on the marriage certificate, along with all their dates of birth and occupations.
And our Ma's were our witnesses too, so each one appears twice on the certificate!

stickingattwo · 07/08/2013 12:21

It is rubbish - in fact it should be your mother because you mother is generally your mother but your 'father', well, who knows...

exoticfruits · 07/08/2013 22:25

I know who my father is- you only have to look at me! The same with my children- obvious. It isn't a case of missing one off- it is a question of adding on.

nagynolonger · 08/08/2013 08:40

Yes it should be a case of adding the mother's name not removing the father's name.
The father named on the marriage certificate would in the vast majority of cases be the person who fathered/cared for/supported the bride or groom into adulthood even if occasionally they didn't provide the sperm.

QueenStromba · 08/08/2013 21:18

Bumping in case anyone hasn't seen this yet.

crazycarol · 08/08/2013 22:32

Scotland 1989 both sets of parents on certificate and 2 witnesses. A long time ago!

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QueenStromba · 06/06/2014 13:24

I got an email yesterday from change.org with a link to an early day motion about this:

www.parliament.uk/edm/2014-15/27

I emailed my MP as he hadn't signed it and got a response saying that he can't since he's a minister but he's going to look into it.

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