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AIBU?

To be miffed at not being invited to SIL's wedding

184 replies

anniroc · 05/08/2013 22:00

Genuinely interested in what you have to say about this as I can't work out whether this is rude or not.

DH gets an email this morning from his DS letting him know she is marrying her DP of 18yrs in a few months at a 'v.v.small ceremony', basically registry office followed by drinks and cake at home. They are each inviting their parents and two other people. She is inviting DH and a friend, so not me and not our two DCs.

I realize it's fairly normal not to invite children to weddings, but is it not common courtesy to invite spouses of close family to your wedding, particularly if they have invited you to their wedding? AIBU to think this is a bit rude?

Oh, and as an aside, ILs currently know nothing about this, they will find out tomorrow morning when the invite arrives in the post - SIL has not even told them she is engaged!!

OP posts:

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dreamingbohemian · 05/08/2013 23:02

There's nothing wrong with small weddings I had a pretty small one myself, 15 people but there is no way, for example, we would have invited my husband's brother but not his wife. If her coming pushed us over the limit, we would have not invited siblings full stop. She's family too, it just would have seemed so rude.

Inviting partners in this case would push the numbers from 10 to 14, is that really so crazy? Even if there isn't room in the registry office, they could come for whatever's after.

Saying no kids because you want an adult wedding is one thing, saying no partners because you can't deal with 4 more people is something else, I think.

RedToothBrush · 05/08/2013 23:03

LynetteScavo Mon 05-Aug-13 22:46:20
They can't stop you going to the actual ceremony.
DB only invited my parents to his wedding (plus brides parents, and two witnesses) My sisters and I just rocked up. grin

now THAT^^ is rude.

squoosh · 05/08/2013 23:04

Hmmm, I don't think the OP has displayed any 'entitled where's my invite shit', at all, she's just musing.

And I wish more people would elope, I wouldn't then have to attend another identikit wedding.

aldiwhore · 05/08/2013 23:04

I am thinking about my order of preference and importance of friends and family... it was REALLY difficult. They want to avoid that so are inviting just two people each... I accept it doesn't feel great, but you shouldn't think of yourself as not worthy, you could be number 3, which is still good really isn't it? Retain moral high ground by completely supporting this I say.

SimLondon · 05/08/2013 23:04

Would OH want to go if his wife/kids weren't invited?

noblegiraffe · 05/08/2013 23:10

Why would he not want to go to his own sister's wedding? Will he spontaneously combust if not with his wife and kids at all times?

WafflyVersatile · 05/08/2013 23:12

MerylStrop has it.

It's not about you.

2468Motorway · 05/08/2013 23:13

Wow, this is an eye opener! Mental note to self, never get married.

Don't be upset. It's clearly not personal. They just wanted a really small wedding. Be gracious, life is short.

OwlinaTree · 05/08/2013 23:14

I'm on the fence a bit tbh.

I don't think it's rude for you not to be invited in this instance as it is such a small wedding. However, if this were me and my sil i would be genuinely sad to miss it!

Best to send a card from the two of you and congratulate her, get excited about seeing the pics etc. She will probably be grateful for your support by being pleased for them and supportive. She's a member of yur family so no point falling out imho.

squoosh · 05/08/2013 23:15

I don't think the kids need to be invited but I personally find it very pointed that her brother's wife has been excluded. The only perspective I have on this is from my own family, it wouldn't occur to me or any of my siblings to do this.

To me weddings are tiny: the couple and witnesses or pretty small: the couple and their immediate family (which to me would include spouses of siblings). Clearly other people have very different family dynamics.

ENormaSnob · 05/08/2013 23:15

Ye gods, just be thankful you dont have to go.

Picturesinthefirelight · 05/08/2013 23:20

Why is it rude to turn up to a ceremony. Anyone can walk in off the street, it's a legal requirement.

Yanbu. I would never ever invite my brother to something & not include his wife. I'd prefer to invite neither of them than do that.

LynetteScavo · 05/08/2013 23:20

RedToothBrush I also took my 3DC.

Jan49 · 05/08/2013 23:27

I think it's rude of her not to invite you. They've chosen to keep the guest numbers tiny and they could choose to have just a few more. I think they should have included you.

I had about 10 guests at my wedding. I wouldn't expect a close relative to come without their spouse and it wouldn't occur to me to consider asking them to.

WafflyVersatile · 05/08/2013 23:37

How do you know they could have invited the OP and just a few more?

TheRealFellatio · 05/08/2013 23:40

I agree that it's odd but it really is an extremely small wedding, not much more that a formality with witnesses really, and under the circumstances I think she should just let it go. They are having two people each and he is one of her two. That's all. don't make it all about you - it really isn't a reflection of her feelings for you.

TheRealFellatio · 05/08/2013 23:40

Sorry I mean I think you should just let it go.

ChristalTipps · 05/08/2013 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WafflyVersatile · 05/08/2013 23:47

Yes, Christal. Great idea. CRANK IT UP, OP. Renew your vows and invite everyone but SIL. See how she likes them apples.

FFS.

HoikyPoiky · 05/08/2013 23:47

We had a tiny wedding and invited parents, siblings and siblings partners. One of my DBs is married to a very unpleasant woman who doesn't speak to any of her own family or my other SILs. She was barely speaking to me me at the time but I still invited her because she was my DBs wife. It didnt cross my mind not too.

Thank god the fuck she isn't turn up

WafflyVersatile · 05/08/2013 23:48

at Hoiky.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 05/08/2013 23:50

I don't think it's 'incredibly rude' but I also think splitting couples is a bit weird and perhaps unnecessary. I don't know. There us something about it I agree. 'we are just soo special the circle of people who can be allowed to witness our ceremony is highly Restricted.' It's almist inadvertently attention seeking somehow. Book a manicure instead.

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WeAreSeven · 05/08/2013 23:55

My sister didn't invite me to her wedding, never mind dh! She had her dd and two friends and that was it. She told my Mum and her IL's after the event.
I was a bit miffed that I hadn't been told by her as I wouldn't have expected an invite, I know what she's like, but it wasn't nice to find out from other people.

123rd · 05/08/2013 23:58

We didn't tell anyone we were getting married-let alone invite anyone! Let them do what they want to

WafflyVersatile · 05/08/2013 23:59

Lady It was probably a desire for the opposite.

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