Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

AIBU?

To be miffed at not being invited to SIL's wedding

184 replies

anniroc · 05/08/2013 22:00

Genuinely interested in what you have to say about this as I can't work out whether this is rude or not.

DH gets an email this morning from his DS letting him know she is marrying her DP of 18yrs in a few months at a 'v.v.small ceremony', basically registry office followed by drinks and cake at home. They are each inviting their parents and two other people. She is inviting DH and a friend, so not me and not our two DCs.

I realize it's fairly normal not to invite children to weddings, but is it not common courtesy to invite spouses of close family to your wedding, particularly if they have invited you to their wedding? AIBU to think this is a bit rude?

Oh, and as an aside, ILs currently know nothing about this, they will find out tomorrow morning when the invite arrives in the post - SIL has not even told them she is engaged!!

OP posts:

Report

SpringyReframed · 05/08/2013 22:44

I had a very small wedding and didnt invite the partners of my 2 best friends, nor did we invite BIL's gf. We just had our parents and the 3 already mentioned and that was it. Everyone completely understood and was fine about it, to my face anyway!

I would say be accepting and go with what BOF said. That would be very gracious. smile

HoikyPoiky · 05/08/2013 22:44

Tricky one...
But I think it is OK not to invite you but its also OK to feel a teeny bit miffed. ouch getting splinters in my arse from all this fence sitting .

I think the fact both the 'bride' and 'groom' are doing the same thing makes it fair. You have to draw the line somewhere. There will still be 10 people at the wedding. It is plenty for them to have a ice celebration. If they invited partners it would add another 4 people... and, then what would they do about your kids? If you got an invite but not your kids would you still be peeved?

I would wish them well and ask them over for a nice meal at another time so that you an all celebrate together.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 05/08/2013 22:45

But why mot invite the person your brother is married to? For any other event (barbecue, birthday do) but for a wedding its ok?

LynetteScavo · 05/08/2013 22:46

They can't stop you going to the actual ceremony.

DB only invited my parents to his wedding (plus brides parents, and two witnesses) My sisters and I just rocked up.

MorrisZapp · 05/08/2013 22:46

Saffyz, who made that rule? I've never heard of it. Why should a whole lot of other people's 'plus ones' get the chicken dinner while the couple's close friends are left at the gates?

Why can't the couple just invite exactly who they like?

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 05/08/2013 22:46

Or maybe just invite one of tjem over for a nice meam to celebrate later. Which one will you pick?

SorrelForbes · 05/08/2013 22:47

YABU. DH and I had a very low key ceremony followed by lunch. We invited our two sisters to be our witnesses and that was it. However, the week before MiL found out and insisted on coming. In the end, we had our sisters, PiL, my BF and her DH (my parents were ill and I felt I needed someone to balance out the ILs!). Another good friend invited herself and rocked up on the day. Not good. TBH, I wish I'd dug my heels in and insisted that everyone stayed away. I hated everyone looking at me and it spoilt the whole thing really.

We had a massive wedding bash a month or so later so it's not like anyone missed anything.

Don't take it personally. They obviously just want the minimum amount of fuss.

BrokenSunglasses · 05/08/2013 22:47

Two guests each seems to me a strange way to try to achieve a small wedding if small is what you want.

You could choose just parents, just parents and siblings, parents and a friend each. I think a wedding with an odd combination of people would make for a slightly weird dynamic at a wedding celebration.

WinkyWinkola · 05/08/2013 22:47

It's her wedding sure but to invite her brother and not his wife IS offensive.

This is her celebration about her life partner. She regards her brother as close enough to come to her tiny party but ignores his life partner.

and the message is?

squoosh · 05/08/2013 22:51

Well I certainly think it sounds very odd. I understand the keeping numbers small but to invite your sibling but not their spouse? Strange. She's definitely making some sort of statement about you.

But hey, I also think it sounds like an extremely dull affair so I wouldn't worry that you're missing out on anything.

noblegiraffe · 05/08/2013 22:52

It would only be a snub to the 'life partner' if everybody else's life partners were invited. But they're not. How many of you seem unable to consider functioning as a separate entity to your spouse.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 22:53

Surely the message is that the SIL is close to her brother but not to his wife?

ThisIsMummyPig · 05/08/2013 22:53

After 18 years my guess is that she is doing it for some sort of legal reason anyway (like shares of pensions, life insurance that sort of thing). Then they realised that if they didn't invite their parents to their wedding it would be cruel, and already they had more guests than they wanted.

If you feel so upset, hire a church hall, book a bar, invite all your family and your BIL's family, and have a lovely party.

squoosh · 05/08/2013 22:53

Oooops I forgot my YANBU.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 05/08/2013 22:55

Im a separate entity from dh and do plenty without hom. But the importnat, family stuff, the stuff that makes life life instead if just daily drudgery, we do together

MorrisZapp · 05/08/2013 22:56

This 'life partner' stuff is a load of hooey. I grew up with my DB. I didn't grow up with his partner. She's ok, nowt against the girl but why for the love of god would I have to include her in a tiny wedding?

Is she incapable of entertaining herself for a few hours? If I got married, I wouldn't suddenly become part of my DP and unable to do anything without him. I'd still be me.

If they include partners then it won't be the small wedding that they want.

saintmerryweather · 05/08/2013 22:56

it sounds like the statement the SIL is making is that she is not friends with the op so she would rather have someone there that she is friends with. not seeing a problem with that!

squoosh · 05/08/2013 22:56

Well it sounds passive aggressive to me.

aldiwhore · 05/08/2013 22:57

YANBU to feel like it's all a bit odd and unnatural. My brother's girlfriend is not someone I can even pretend to like, but my brother loves her, and I want him to feel that she is welcome and that I accept they're a couple. So I would invite her without thinking.

Saying THAT, your husband's sister is getting married and wants a TINY ceremony. She wants her brother there and one other, if that were me, it would not be my brother's wife I'm afraid, even if I liked her an awful lot.

So I have to say YABU even though I completely understand your AIBU?!!!

Okker · 05/08/2013 22:57

I think your SIL's wedding sounds like a dream. Everyone is so different in life..so just let it be what it is and congratulate them. Think of it as a night off for yourself..send DH off, get the kids to bed and pour the wine!

zippey · 05/08/2013 22:57

It is their wedding, so YABU.

A small wedding is what they want. I don't think it sounds rude or boring at all.

Id wish them all the best and be gracious enough to invite them round another time to yours to have a few drinks and celebrate if they wish to do so.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 05/08/2013 22:57

I'm not sure what I think.

On one hand it is a teeny tiny wedding and you and she are not that close.

On the other hand, marriage is about two people becoming a family. A choice her db - one of the two most important people in the world to her - has already made. By excluding you she is slightly undermining that. And presumably the "two guests" rule is made up, not a legal requirement.

Would she be annoyed if you asked her round for Sunday lunch but not her new dh as you and your dh were only inviting one person each and he picked her while you picked your friend Sheila?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

MerylStrop · 05/08/2013 22:58

It's not an insult, or rude

You've said you're not close and that is a TINY wedding.

I bet they don't want a WEDDING at all, just want to be married.

Don't go taking umbrage. It's not about you.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 05/08/2013 22:59

Dont invite both round for drinks ti celebrate. Just one. They obv feel that husbands and wives shojkd celebrate separately

noblegiraffe · 05/08/2013 23:01

Comparing it to Sunday lunch is silly, because you have many Sunday lunches and can invite lots of people on different weeks while still keeping each lunch small.

This entitled where's my invite shit is what makes some people elope. She doesn't want a big wedding, her guest list of two doesn't include you. So what.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.