To be miffed at not being invited to SIL's wedding

[anniroc]

Genuinely interested in what you have to say about this as I can't work out whether this is rude or not.

DH gets an email this morning from his DS letting him know she is marrying her DP of 18yrs in a few months at a 'v.v.small ceremony', basically registry office followed by drinks and cake at home. They are each inviting their parents and two other people. She is inviting DH and a friend, so not me and not our two DCs.

I realize it's fairly normal not to invite children to weddings, but is it not common courtesy to invite spouses of close family to your wedding, particularly if they have invited you to their wedding? AIBU to think this is a bit rude?

Oh, and as an aside, ILs currently know nothing about this, they will find out tomorrow morning when the invite arrives in the post - SIL has not even told them she is engaged!!

[BrianTheMole]

Its up to her, if she wants a tiny wedding and just wants to invite her brother alone, then wheres the problem? You're not glued together are you?

[nauticant]

I do think that's quite relevant

It's relevant in as much as the OP had her wedding arranged to suit her and now wants her SIL to have her wedding arranged to suit the OP too.

There's an endless stream of posts on MN about the stress caused by weddings. Many of them would be solved by troublemakers just accepting that people should be allowed to do things their own way so long as what's planned isn't outlandish/bizarre/designed to cause trouble.

[WinterWinds]

Now I don't see a problem in this, its a tiny wedding and she should choose to have who she wants on her day.

We had a small wedding with one of Dh's sister's and her then DP, present as witnesses. I guess the extended family were put out but if we had invited them all it would have turned into a circus which I didn't want. Also to mention that the costs would have spiralled, which we didn't have the money for.

I wasn't invited to another SIL's wedding but Dh and the Dc's were. It was a large wedding and was a pure snub on me as we didn't get along. Even that didn't bother me as I wouldn't have attended anyway!!

DH and I were the only family members present at his brothers first wedding abroad and none of the family were invited to his second wedding

That's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes you should try to pass on your best wishes to the happy couple as it is their day.

[ModernToss]

I wasn't invited to another SIL's wedding but Dh and the Dc's were. It was a large wedding and was a pure snub on me as we didn't get along.

See, that is actually insulting, but WinterWinds didn't let it bother her. Your situation is far, far removed and yet you're still bothered. Unreasonable.

[anniroc]

AlfalfaMum and ilsianthus - DH is accepting of the situation in that he thinks it's inevitable that something like this would happen eventually. ILs are perfectly nice people, but are very traditional Roman Catholic in that marriage is EVERYTHING to them and so MIL has been upset all this time that her DD has not got married and now she's upset that she is! She wanted to have all the aunties etc invited (DH has a very large extended family) which I think is unreasonable and so in this respect I sympathize with SIL for doing it her way. I just think she could have spent time getting MIL used to the idea instead of just sending her an invite.

[nauticant]

So you're saying that you knew in advance that SIL had a very good reason indeed for keeping the numbers to an absolute minimum? And that any exceptions would have been used as a crowbar to get invitations sent to the world and his wife. (DYSWIDT?)

[namechangeforthispost864269]

sounds to me like your sil has pretty valid reasons for wanting such a small wedding if she compromises at all on guest numbers I'm sure this will be seen as a chance to start putting pressure on her invite more and more people and essential lose the wedding she wants.

she might not have the Money for such a grand wedding or might simply not want to be the center of such huge attention.

it is her special day op not yours or anyone else's and she has the right to do it anyway she wants as did you at your wedding.

if you had a choice of inviting your best friend or sister in law if you only had one guest space left who would you choose?

personally id choose my best friend and deal with the sulking than invite someone I'm not as close to as my best friend and resent my best friend not being there to celebrate my special day.

I understand you're hurt at being left out but can you see it from your sil's point of view/

[Crinkle77]

I woould not be bothered. They want to keep it v v low key. If they invite you then they may have to invite others and before you know it turns in to this big expensive do that they didn't want.

[kali110]

Its low key. If it was just you not being invited id say ywnbu but its not. She can invite 2 people ofcourse you wouldn't be one of them you are not even very close.. After hearing whole story i can see why she wants it small!she shouldn't have to add lots of people just to make everybody happy.