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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you invite a friend out for a Sunday afternoon drink

178 replies

theredhen · 04/08/2013 08:13

that they shouldn't just assume they can bring their 14 year old daughter along to sit with us?

Normally we meet for a coffee in Sunday mornings at her house or mine. I thought going out for a glass of wine would make a nice change.

The pub is 5 mins walk from her house. So no issues with being miles away or anything.

He daughter is a lovely girl but to be honest I struggle to understand why she would want to come to the pub and sit with two old farts. Wink

OP posts:
GetStuffezd · 04/08/2013 08:17

I agree. I find it really frustrating when you meet with someone specifically for a catch up, then they bring someone with them which means you can't discuss everything you wanted to. I love my best friend but I'm not going to discuss how my weight loss, for example, is going with her DP there!

Original poster
theredhen · 04/08/2013 09:14

Exactly. I feel it changed the whole tone of the conversation. Instead if having a good ole gossip, I spend the afternoon talking about daughters schooling etc.

All fine over a coffee in each others houses but not what I intended on a visit to the pub.

OP posts:
lovesherdogstoomuch · 04/08/2013 10:56

my sister does this. we arrange to meet and she brings along her 16 year old silent daughter (my niece) who sits and listens to everything. she's a nice girl but i can't talk freely when she's there. i also wonder why the hell she wants to come. she must be bored. so i've bluntly said to my sister, just us two eh and finally she's got the message. Oh and i now only meet her in term time!

Airwalk79 · 04/08/2013 11:00

I have a friend who's dd 13 does this, its very irritating and she dosent ever tell her, I can remember being told to bugger off if I was loitering when my parents had friends round! I go round during school time now.
It's understandable with little kids but surely they get to a point where they should be Abel to entertain their self for a bit?

NoComet · 04/08/2013 11:09

I'm going to sit very firmly on the fence.
I can see it's annoying, but I was that child from 0-18 I preferred adult conversation to the company of random DCs.

I was always the one downstairs at parties, not playing, chatting with my own age group. I'd often tag along when DDad went to see his mates to talk technical stuff.

NoComet · 04/08/2013 11:11

Anyhow why shouldn't children/teens want to escape their peer groups inane prattling. You should be flattered that a 14y thinks you're interesting.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 04/08/2013 11:19

YANBU.

VelvetSpoon · 04/08/2013 11:20

I think you're being unfair.

I was also that child - I was much more intelligent than most of my peers as a teen and had no interest in boys or drinking (their main topics of chat) - I spent most of my time with adults, which I much preferred.

I think its good for children to spend time in adult company rather than being excluded all the time.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 11:23

YANBU. Velvet YOU may have preferred that but not many adults do! You have to temper your conversation around 14 year olds and it's not fair...not everyone finds other people's kids charming. Of course it is good for kids to spend time with adults but not if the other adult isn't into it.

ExitPursuedByABear · 04/08/2013 11:24

Dd (13) sometimes hangs around when I have mates round, listening out for juicy goss but she is told firmly to do one. She would not want to come out with me though.

YAnbu

nkf · 04/08/2013 11:24

She shouldn't have just brought her along. She should have said.

pictish · 04/08/2013 11:26

I can't be doing with this either really. I'm up for a chat, but after a time I expect the kid to drift away and leave the adults to talk about adult things.

OP yanbu.

shewhowines · 04/08/2013 11:27

It's hard. I prefer to gossip with my friends without dd and I often say leave us alone. I don't hang around you and your friends. However I can't say that all the time. She would feel very unwanted and does enjoy gossiping with us older ones. I think the key is finding a good balance.

pictish · 04/08/2013 11:27

And Velvet I have to say that no matter how mature you reckon you were, as a 37 yr old now, I would regard the 14 yr old you as a child, not privvy to my business.

pictish · 04/08/2013 11:33

shewhowins - I agree. You've got to show them respect as people and allow a certain level of inclusion.
Arranging to meet for drinks is not one of those occasions though.

isitsnowingyet · 04/08/2013 11:34

I'm with Velvet on this one. Why can't we treat teenagers as normal human beings?

VelvetSpoon · 04/08/2013 11:34

I know my parents valued my presence, my dad was always very proud that I was able to hold a sensible conversation with other adults, discuss - and have opinions on - current affairs, politics, etc.

My own children are quite welcome to sit with us if I have friends round. I don't seem to have the sort of conversations that I would need to exclude them from.

pictish · 04/08/2013 11:35

Because it inhibits what you can talk about.

pictish · 04/08/2013 11:35

I don't have teens or kids on my fb list either.

ExitPursuedByABear · 04/08/2013 11:40

How could I talk about dd whilst she was there?

thebody · 04/08/2013 11:41

the thing is though velvet your friends might actually NEED to talk about things that shouldn't be shared in front of children.

of course anyone should expect teens to be able and willing to converse with adults, mine certainly could, but I wouldn't want to discuss my sisters cancer treatment in front if a child whose business it is not!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 11:42

Snowingyet because they're not adults...they can't be part of some adult conversations. You can't talk about many things in front of them so there are times when they can't be part of an event.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 11:42

Velvet maybe your friends would like to though....you don't have the sort of conversations she needs to be excluded from because she's always there!

VelvetSpoon · 04/08/2013 11:46

I do have plenty of conversations with friends on occasions when my DC are not there, but really very little is said that I wouldn't discuss in front of them.

curlew · 04/08/2013 11:48

Doesn't actually matter whether or not the 14 year old concerned prefers adult conversation. She isn't an adult and wasn't invited.

Children who "prefer adult company" really piss me off. Often (disclaimer- not always) it's just parents stealth boasting that their child is too clever for their peer group.